WAW Fightmare 3

 

June 2, 2019

 

We’re in Norwich, England at Carrow Road, the home of Norwich football club. This was the massive outdoor summer show from the Knight’s. Clearly aiming to escape the image of wrestling in Norwich, portrayed in Fighting With My Family as a bit of a joke. This was a genuinely huge crowd at over 4,000. The show is huge, over four hours long. Not only are all the Knight’s represented (like modern days Harts/von Erichs) but also an assortment of wacky, off-the-wall imports and locals. Host in the ring is Lee Bamber.

We get some video of Paige yelling indiscriminately into camera. The audio is…interesting. Bamber then introduces Mick Foley who will be the official commissioner of Fightmare 3.

 

WAW British Wrestling Championship

Tony Knight (c) vs. Zak Knight

You may know Zak as Paige’s brother from Fighting With My Family. He’s the one that got rejected and still can’t get a WWE deal.

Tony, who is a blubberbutt, claims to be the “sexiest man in Britain”. Thanks to his manager being a hunk he’s not even in the top five sexiest men in the ring at the start of this. Tony is an honorary Knight, which is explained in wrestling as being invited into the family. Then obviously he turned on Zak.

 

I don’t have any issues with Zak as a worker but the match is ponderous and a ‘rounds system’ title match and you want to start your show hotter than that surely? The biggest problem here is the Knight’s assuming they’re the stars here, just because it’s Norwich. When you attract a bigger crowd they’re here for the bigger names. So, yeah, I have no major issues with Zak. Tony, on the other hand, is a fucking waste of space. When he’s trying to get a leglock he looks like a tramp chasing a boiled egg down the street.

 

Zak taps out to that and then he starts to break out every move he knows from the Lionsault to the Rydien Bomb. Tony getting rolled around the ring like a beached whale. Zak ends up fishhooking the mouth and somehow that’s allowed a submission and Tony gets up first. I have no idea what Zak is selling. The final fall features the biggest calamity of all; a headscissors thing to set up the 619, which doesn’t even happen. Why bother taking this god awful bump? They follow that with a scuffle and Zak feels the need to slap his thigh when Tony slaps him. This is a parody of professional wrestling.

 

The worst part of this is it’s so fucking long. It’s bad pro wrestling but there’s so much of it. Tony gets the Sharpshooter and Zak taps out. Match is over. Absolutely zero reaction from the crowd. Well, you fucking nailed that one lads.

Final Rating: *

 

Post Match: Zak explains the pain in his back was too much. “I’m not fit enough” he says. Ain’t that the truth. At least sell the back mate. Zak says he needs to take some time off to heal. Oh, I give it a month. A check on Cagematch reveals he was back inside a month.

 

WAW World Light Heavyweight Championship

Alex Young vs. Brad O’Brien vs. Peter Nixon vs. Villman vs. Jaiden Docwra

I’ve seen Brad before, in IPW: Germany (which is a terrible promotion) but the others I’m not familiar with. They’re all WAW products. Peter Nixon’s gimmick is interesting. He’s got a pair of green trousers and yellow Norwich City blazer. Villman, “The Norwegian Nightmare”, who is dressed like he’s in Cobra, is from Norwich. I snigger at his full body suit. Let’s just say I don’t think he’s a “light” anything.

Brad O’Brien is the “King of Couture”. I’m pleased to inform you the standard of work is a lot higher here and the match is more fun. This really should have been the opener. It helps that they’ve wrestled each other loads of times and have that familiarity. Nixon is the only one who really gets his gimmick over. Everyone else just does wacky flips. Docwra gets over due to his powerhouse work. They keep it really short with Brad O’Brien pinning Nixon. The sounds of silence again from the crowd.

Final Rating: ***

WAW World Tag Team Championship

Senior Citizens (c) vs. UK Pitbulls vs. The Foji vs. Queen’s World Order

The UK Pitbulls are the stuff of legend. Big Dave and Bulk. They get a motorcycle gang accompanying them to the ring. Like something out of Mad Max.

Mitchell Starr has the old drag act with female partner down act. “Representing the lesbian gay community” – Comms.

The champs are old and enter on shop mobility scooters. WAW have sure covered their bases on this line up. One of the champs splits his pants getting into the ring. Bulk looks mostly immobile, which is no real shock. One of the Foji attempts a nut shot on Priscilla. Erm, no mate. A springboard DDT off his partners back is somehow even worse. Bulk hot tags in, hits two moves and the UK Pitbulls win the straps. This was a shambles.

Final Rating: *1/4

Luke Hawx vs. Cody Hall vs. Hardcore Holly

What the fuck is this match? Cody is introduced as “the son of Razor Ramon”. Cody is a good fit for this promotion because he’s terrible. To date this was Bobcore’s last match. He got brought over for wXw Superstars of Wrestling and this was his other European date. He looks like a man about to seriously consider never wrestling again. Cody seems to think this is a big deal and starts doing crazy shit like a slingshot splash. He’s all excitable and fired up. Hawk ends up beating Holly with a powerslam off the top while Hall is out of the floor. Hall really tried hard here in all fairness.

Final Rating: **1/2

 

WAW International Championship

Brody Steele (c) vs. Sinn Bodhi

Steele is like Tim Storm. An old age journeyman who could have been a huge star but it just never happened. He’s best known in the UK for wrestling in the camps and at 6’6” he looks the part. Well, he’s billed at 6’6”.

Bodhi used to be in WWE as Kizarny. He absolutely sucks. He sucked then, he sucks now. Why would you fly in these two? What a complete waste of money. The match is, predictably, dreadful. Steele looks like he’s wrestling in treacle. Bodhi tries ‘comedy’ that belongs on camp shows. They do horrible strikes that miss by miles. Brody Steele may legitimately be the worst wrestler in the world and I apologise to the fine Tim Storm for the pre-show comparison. Brody finishes with a chokeslam. This was an embarrassment to professional wrestling and both these guys should retire immediately.

Final Rating: -***

WAW Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship

Roy Knight (c) vs. Ricky Knight Jr

Roy is the former Zebra Kid. He’s Ricky’s son so he’s Zak and Paige’s half-brother. RKJ is Roy’s son. Norwich eh? RKJ is legitimately the best wrestler the Knight Family has ever produced. The display of competence is extremely welcome after the last match. Roy tries really hard to hang with his much younger opponent. He’s not been a good worker for quite some time but as Zebra Kid he was decent and he tries to turn back the years here. The crowd responds, especially for RKJ using the ropes and that ever popular trope; the table. They shoot for epic and it’s positioned before the intermission so they can do that without any fears of burying whoever is following them. Roy spends most of the match beating his son up, giving RKJ a load of stuff to kick out of. The chair shot business on the referee is a bit shit but the crowd bite on it. Basically the match peaks and then just keeps on going. The weird referee stuff and Rob Butler chair shotting Roy and then the resultant kick out is all nonsense. Roy ends up tapping out instead. This was a perfectly good match until they fell over themselves trying to ruin it with the booking at the end. Just let your good guy win big for fuck’s sake. They do a load of bullshit post match as well with Roy turning face to endorse his son, which would have been more heartfelt if Roy hadn’t spent the whole match being a colossal shithead. Good wrestling, awful booking.

Final Rating: **1/4

 

Last Man Standing

WAW European Heavyweight Championship

Demolition Davies (c) vs. Dale Broughton

How many fucking belts does this company have? This belt dates back to 2008. Demolition Davies, who is utterly terrible, is one of the few wrestlers who has asked to have his Cagematch profile removed because he’s so thin skinned he didn’t want another platform for people to criticize his horrible wrestling standards. Dale Broughton is a big fat guy the Knights trained. This is predictably pedestrian. The work is woeful. Davies bizarrely taps out to an armbar and the ref, Mick fucking Foley, refuses to count it because it’s Last Man Standing. Dale was apparently too stupid to remember the stipulation.

Davies falls over and is too fat to get up. Foley looks thrilled at his role in this. Manager Tommy Lee gets put out with Mr Socko and Dale legs it to avoid a similar fate. This would easily be the worst match on any other show of the year.

Final Rating: -*

 

Dean Allmark vs. PJ Knight

If you’re reading this and you’ve never seen Dean Allmark, I have a delightful surprise to share with you. Dean is one of the best wrestlers in the UK and has been for a long time. He’s not had the physique to reflect that and I assume that’s why he’s not booked by more people. PJ is another member of the Knight family. He’s Ricky’s grandson and looks like a child. Deano walks him through a mat based match. They don’t fuck around, they don’t make any mistakes and they do a near falls thing for a couple of minutes until Allmark gets caught and pinned. This was technically solid and there was no bullshit so it’s handily my favourite match on the show.

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

Bellatrix World Championship

Saraya Knight (c) vs. Mercedes Martinez

Saraya is the matriarch of the Knight family and doesn’t take any shit. She’s also repping Blackcraft with the strap, despite the promotion going completely to shit at Mania weekend.

Saraya is on rare form here, doing a handshake slap spot but forgetting to slap Martinez and having to re-shake. Mercedes is consistent and reliable and she just gets on with it here. Saraya is all over the place. She’s one of these wrestlers who has the presence but doesn’t have the skill. They seem to lose their way a bit and there’s a lot of cheating considering this is a babyface match. Saraya then kicks out of the finish with the referee fucking up horribly. Saraya then doesn’t see a knee coming and doesn’t move for it. “Saraya isn’t looking in a good way” shoots Comms. Mercedes ends up winning by submission in a really bad match. I think Saraya had her bell rung near the finish because she looked out of it and gets treated in the ring afterwards.

Final Rating: *1/4

 

The one commentator said he was most looking forward to the last match the most and then says it again about the forthcoming one. Twat.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship

Nick Aldis (c) vs. Brad Slayer

Literally no one thinks Brad Slayer is winning here. Aldis brings all his usual vim and vigor, which means lots of chinlocks. I know it’s warm out there Nick but come on. I know Aldis has this thing where he’s a “throwback” but he wrestles that way because he can’t wrestle the modern style. That said the pedestrian pacing, slow build and gradual improvement makes this an actually ok match, which is a huge improvement over some of the other shit on the card. Then they work in a horrible ref bump, as if they could sense I wasn’t miserable enough. Nick wins with a Cloverleaf after Brad had the visual pin during the ref bump. This was competent but fairly dull.

Final Rating: **

 

KOSS Industries (Kosta K, Malik & Charlie Winston) vs. Grant Holt, Billy Gunn & Rene Dupree

What a line up! The heels are a generic bunch of bad guys while the babyfaces are former Norwich City centre forward Grant Holt and a couple of former WWE wrestlers to carry the work load. The heels are all basically jobbers to take bumps for Billy. Both Gunn and Dupree treat this like a camp show. They’ve not taught Grant very much and most of it involves him sitting in rest holds and doing simple spots. When they try something harder, like a flying headscissors, it is not pretty. The commentators have a hard time trying to explain what the moves he’s attempting are. FameAsser puts Winston down. Holt did ok considering he had so little time to prepare. Everything else was paint-by-numbers stuff.

Final Rating: *1/2

 

I’m not sure why Holt is wearing a shirt that says 40-0 when he’s only been in one match. I assume he’s alluding to winning a battle royal. They do a post match angle where Holt runs his mouth and gets surrounded by heels and nothing happens. I assume they just fucked up the timing as the Knights run in for the save.

Dynamite Kid Memorial Rumble

WAW learning the valuable lessons of Blackcraft by throwing out a rushed Battle Royal four hours into the show.

However they turn the corner quickly by having the first guy, Karl Kramer who’s 40 stone, against Little Legs. Third in is Big Paddy, who is doing a Big Daddy gimmick. It’s all downhill from there as the ring fills with middling wrestlers with middling gimmicks. Some of the work in this thing, where people try and figure out where to stand while they do spots is laughable. There are some truly awful wrestlers in there. One of the lads falls out and doesn’t touch the floor so he hops onto the rail. Just stay out there! You can’t be eliminated. They throw in a fake Mick Foley, which is Digby in a wig and he’s thrown straight out. There’s a few blasts from the past here including Ruffneck and Paul Tyrell.

James Chilvers is in this. He’s the blind guy that got trained by the Knights. He even jumps off the ropes here before being thrown out. Final two are Destiny and Big Joe. Joe’s fashion sense is tremendous. White under pants and a white shirt. Did you forget your gear mate? Destiny throws him out and we’re finally done.

Final Rating: DUD

 

Summary:

This was literally unbelievable.