WWF Main Event 5 (2.1.91) review 

 

February 1, 1991 (Taped: 1.28.91) 

 

We’re in Macon, Georgia at the Macon Colisseum. Built in 1968, it’s been twice renovated and not actually knocked down. Hooray for Americans not demolishing stuff! After all, it’s brimming with history. Elvis Presley played here. This was also home to WCW on their way through Georgia with Nitro. Clash 21 aired from here. Scott Hall (re)debuted in WCW in this very building in 1996.  

Hosts tonight are Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper, a truly horrible combination of announcers. This was the final “Main Event” show. The whole SNME thing was about to collapse, and NBC had simply had enough of the wrasslin’ business. Good for them, imo, anyone watching in 1991 would know it wasn’t worth showing anymore.  

 

Oh, and yes, I haven’t written about wrestling for MONTHS. Thanks for noticing. Was it my New Year’s resolution to get back on the horse? No, but I feel more productive when I’m writing and it keeps me busy so I can avoid my other vice; heroin. I mean…biscuits. Same thing, right? 

 

Earthquake & Dino Bravo vs. Hulk Hogan & Tugboat 

A reminder that Tugboat was nicknamed “Tugger” by commentators. Just saying. “The Tugger on his way to the ring”. You only hear that in two places; pro wrestling and gay porn. Vince refers to Earthquake as “The Quakester”. I fucking hate his guts. Vince, not John Tenta. John is fine. They do a decent job of having Bravo get punched around the ring and keep the action going. It helps Jimmy Hart is out here to take bumps for his team. Unfortunately, Tugboat. That’s the entire sentence. The match grinds to a halt as he applies a…arm…bar? 

 

It’s a heated affair if Fred Ottman stays on the apron. This is the era where Hogan was still over in small towns but had lost the big trendsetting markets just a tad. They run some formula, which almost works thanks to Hogan. Hot tag to Hogan, after he illegally clotheslines Quake, and he ROLLS BRAVO UP for the pin. Yes, you read it right. No big leg drop. This was fun, despite being a match with two absolute dogshit wrestlers in it. **¼ 

 

Video Control gives us a recap of how Woyah lost his title to Sgt Slaughter. Savage by sceptre at the Royal Rumble. His motive being Woyah refusing to give him a title shot if he retained. Randy absolutely fucking waffled the cunt with that sceptre too. Sell that, motherfucker! We follow up with an interview with the Sarge who screams into camera a lot. It might as well be him screaming “I AM NOT A TRANSITIONAL CHAMPION” loudly…before transitioning the belt back to Hulk Hogan.  

 

WWF Championship 

Sgt Slaughter (c) vs. Jim Duggan 

If you really wanted Slaughter to be a convincing champion, just have him squash Duggan. Who cares about Hawksaw? Unfortunately, there’s a war on. Duggan, and Hogan who corners him here, are both flag waving patriots. The crowd loudly chant “USA”. Of course they do. I bet Vince could smell the money from booking Wrestlemania VII around the Iraq War at this point. I bet he was shitting it when they liberated Kuwait in FEBRUARY. Haha, unlucky.  

 

Anyway, the match? It’s awful. Duggan has forgotten everything from the Savage feud and is the drizzling shits again. Sarge looks dreadful and in the Attitude Era, I’m certain they would have yanked Wrestlemania out from underneath him. In a PG era of wrestling, Sarge’s brutal bloodthirsty style is so toned down and useless. He does take his massive corner bump here, which is basically all he’s got left.  

The finish sees General Adnan get involved, and Sarge hits Duggan in the head with a chair. It does not fix his cross-eyes. Hogan runs in for the save, and Sarge hits him with a chair too. “HE’S SPITTING ON US ALL” screams Vince as Slaughter gets to look surprisingly strong…despite losing to midcarder Jim Duggan.  

 

Orient Express vs. Legion of Doom 

LOD are over huge with a crowd that’s been hot all night but seeing as Hulk Hogan has been in every segment it’s an easy win for the WWF. The match is decent as the Orients are both solid workers and LOD thrive on throwing around people who can bump for them. Paul Diamond bumps into the ring for Animal, out of the ring for Hawk and then on the floor for Animal. It’s pretty fun stuff. LOD were good when they had people to pinball around for their power spots. Kato takes the Doomsday Device for the pin, and this was literally five minutes of the heels bumping and the crowd popping hard for the power spots. Sad WWF had to burn one of their best heel teams on the match, but the show needed a strong finish. **½ 

 

Promo Time: Jack Tunney 

The onscreen authority figure of my childhood comes out here to just announce the contender for Sgt Slaughter at Wrestlemania. The logic, as Mean Gene explains, is because Hogan never got a rematch from Wrestlemania VI. Okerlund runs through the possible contenders and literally only Hogan’s name gets a pop. The others were Warrior (lacking a rematch from the Rumble), Randy Savage and JIM DUGGAN. Surely you do a four man tournament? Not including Duggan but maybe Hennig. Have Warrior get counted out and Hogan beats either Savage or Hennig to actually earn the title shot.  

Sarge gets promo time and repeats his earlier threats towards Duggan, replacing Hogan’s name between “pukes” and “maggots”.  

Hogan comes out to the ring to retort as a load of fake crowd noise is pumped in while he talks about “the troops”. This is the third Hogan segment on this show btw.  

 

A word on Hulkamania 

 

This is the first show I’ve done since Hulk Hogan died and there was a lot of discourse about him. I have complex feelings about Hulk Hogan. I never liked him. However, rewatching the 1980s peak of Hulkamania, you cannot argue with his ability as a draw, as a worker and as a pro wrestler. He knew what the crowd wanted.  

 

However, half of Hogan’s career took place after his body was too broken to be in the spotlight. He just kept going, even though he surely didn’t need to. His spot protection and miserable matches in WCW left a sour taste in the mouth. His political aspirations only ever worked in pro-wrestling where he had the name power to manipulate his spot. The ego, the lies and the way he used people is why he’s not looked upon fondly for the second half of his career.  

 

1984-1990, he’s a genuinely good performer though, and you shouldn’t ignore that. Even if he ruined his persona for most people with his actions later in life. I’ve ended up going the other way. I was watching wrestling in 1991 and I hated Hogan. I couldn’t wait for the bald, leathery freak to get off my TV. This time around it’s actually making me sad to see him start to struggle in the ring. Because he could still go in 1991. He still knew what beats to hit and how to work his spots in. He’s still entertaining. If anything, this could be his peak as a worker because he knows exactly when and where to do everything.  

 

The 411: 

It’s surprisingly solid entertainment. The two tag matches both work really well and although Slaughter-Duggan is the kind of match that would have alarm bells ringing for me, if I was promoting Sarge as the main event of the biggest show of the year, it’s not horrendous or anything. I’ve seen both do far worse. The whole show was done in under an hour. Yes, Hogan is in every single segment (bar LOD-Orients), but we’re on hard sell for Mania here, and Hogan is Mania. For better (Wrestlemania I, Wrestlemania III, Wrestlemania V, Wrestlemania VI) or worse (Wrestlemania 2, Wrestlemania IV, Wrestlemania VII).  

 

PS: I may have enjoyed this more because I’ve watched literally no wrestling for three months. It might be the longest I’ve gone in my adult life.