FSW Killer Kross Mecca XI (4.17.26) 

 

April 17, 2026 

 

WRESTLEMANIA WEEK REVIEW #24 

 

I fear we are into the dregs.  

 

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” Franklin Roosevelt.  

 

I am doing this against my will.  

 

Please help me. 

 

When I post a review of this show, it is a cry for help. Please stop William Brown. He is controlling me and forcing me to review wrestling shows. I’m locked in my house. I haven’t seen the sun in a week.  

 

Aqeel Khalid is patrolling the perimeter with a shotgun. I fear this may be the end.  

 

Sshhhh, he’s coming.  

 

Pre-Show FSW Tag Team Title Four Way Match 

Mariachi Montana (Jose Calamaco & Roland Calamaco) (c) defeat LiveDanger (Danger Ross & LiveWire Charlie) and The Mane Event (Jay Lyon & Midas Black) and The Pretty City Express (CLAS & Devin Reno) (5:39) 

If I copy and paste the match off Cagematch maybe no one will notice? Anyway, it’s the pre-show. Why should I watch the pre-show. Oh god, there are actual people in here. Who sees the name Killer Kross on the marquee and thinks “I will buy a ticket to this”. Only deviants. Deviants like William Brown. Call the police. I’m not joking. So yeah, the match? Terrible. It’s like the WWE ID stuff only with goofy characters and botched spots. “A hot opening for Mecca XI…an all star card”.  

 

Aqeel enters with gun in hand. “You have to rate the match, Arnold”. Nooo, why? I don’t care anymore. It’s the Killer Kross show. No one will even read this. Nobody cares about that jabronie in 2026. Aqeel points the gun at me and demands a rating. Uh, DUD? Aqeel is sated and fades into the shadows. 2h22m remain. I may never see the sun again.  

 

Video Control gives us Killer Kross name dropping all the WWE people he used to work with. The promo feels longer than Kross’ entire WWF run. Which was FIVE YEARS. FIVE YEARS HE WAS THERE. Number of clean back bumps? ZERO.  

 

I’VE ONLY DONE 12 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW. FUUCCCCCCKKKK.  

 

Future Star Scramble Match 

Oh no, a combination of the two worst match types. 1. the dreaded Mania Scramble. 2. the future WWE superstar bullshit. Surely Aqeel will let me skip this match? Aqeel? He shakes his head. No, I’m doomed to watch every second of this show. Every agonising moment. Aqeel returns. He has William Brown by his side. “I hear you’re not enjoying the show Arnold”. Yes, sir, sorry sir. “I need you to be more positive about the show Arnold. We had an agreement”. Uh….I’ll…try. “Good boy”. Brown turns to leave, and Aqeel smirks in his victory. He’s stooged me out to his boss. I know there’s no escape now. Not only do I have to watch…Ice Williams…but I have to find something I like about him.  

 

Wait, which one is Ice Williams? I missed him being introduced. Ah, I found him! He gets dropped on his neck. I would say that’s a cool bump, but I don’t think he had much say in it. Oh hey, a Savage Elbow. That counts. I like it. I am a big Ice Williams guy. They do a series of ‘whoever is standing gets cleaned out’, which would be cool if it went anywhere. Gibki powerslams Bryce Saturn off the ropes for the win. Quite the moment for Steve Gibki. Aqeel returns and I have to look busy. I’m just typing. He can’t see what I’m actually typing. I need to get out of here.  

 

FSW Women’s Championship 

Brittnie Brooks (c) vs. Notorious Mimi 

I’ve seen so many matches this week, it feels like I’ve already seen this. Is Brittnie a face, or a heel? Am I awake? Am I dreaming? Is this real? I think I’m suffering from the fawn response because someone called me a coward on Twitter for suggesting this wasn’t worth watching. Suddenly, the path of action comes to me, loud and clear. Like Lenny Kravitz I wanna fly away…yeeeahhhh, yeeeaaahhh, yeeah.  

 

I bolt from the room. There’s no one in sight. The coast is clear. I sneak into the forbidden part of the house. The part William Brown doesn’t want me in. The part that contains no professional wrestling that took place during Wrestlemania 42 weekend in Las Vegas. The part with windows. I find one that’s loose and smash it open with a steel folding chair. Somewhere in the house an alarm begins to ring…”CTE, CTE, CTE”. I kick my way through the smashed remains of the window and flee into the woods. As I scamper over uneven ground, tripping on tree roots, I hear far behind me the voice of Filthy Tom Lawlor, confirming the match continues. Wrestlemania 42 weekend never ends. Brittnie Brooks wins with a Final Cut ** 

 

Kenny King, Shogun, Son Leu defeat Danny Limelight, Jarett Diaz & Slice Boogie (8:16) 

Copying and pasting from Cagematch again here, as I’m not at my computer anymore but rather fleeing through the woods, barefoot, like the chief at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. There’s something refreshing about the great outdoors. It was here long before Wrestlemania 42 weekend and it’ll be here after Wrestlemania 42 weekend is over. While that feels like an eternity to me at the moment, mother nature is here to confirm that Wrestlemania 42 weekend is merely temporary.  

 

It’s dark and there are noises coming from the undergrowth. Rodents scurrying away as I approach. There are noises behind me too. I fear Aqeel has been alerted to my escape. He’s in pursuit, like Slice Boogie is in pursuit of a Wrestlemania 42 weekend win here at Killer Kross presents Mecca XI. Even deep in the woods I can hear these guys slapping their thighs. A true testament to the value of a well placed thigh slap. Let everyone know there’s contact, even when you miss by a mile. Like Jarrett Diaz rolling into the ropes instead of the corner. Trying to claim his spot on Maffew’s Botchamania Wrestlemania 42 Weekend Edition. It’s a hot ticket, Jarrett Diaz. You’ll have to do better than that. ¾*  

 

Tom Lawlor looks like he’s being held here at gun point too. I know the feeling filthy Tom. Freedom is one smashed window away my brother in christ. Get out while you can.  

 

Bodhi Young Protege vs. Lio Rush 

Out in the woods I continue to flee, distancing myself from Aqeel’s footsteps when I come upon a clearing. There’s a cameraman and a director. What? What’s happening here? The director turns to face me. It’s Lince Dorado. Lince??? What are you doing here? “I’m making movies. It’s what we do. Do you want to be a superstar or a stuntman?” Uh, neither? I look over at the cameraman and it’s the Big Dohmi. Phil??? What are you doing here Phil? “I didn’t want to watch Lio Rush”.  

 

Suddenly Aqeel bursts into the clearing, smashing the butt of his gun into my jaw. As I sink into darkness I vividly see Lio Rush, haunting my nightmares. Crawling and creeping around.  

Without warning he sprouts a mane and a tail, and opens his mouth with an almighty roar. “It’s my new gimmick; Lion Rush. ROOOAAAAR”. I awaken, startled, to discover Aqeel has gaffer taped me to my keyboard. I can’t move, only type. Much like BYP as he’s trapped in a sleeper. Only my free hands can type, while his free hands can rally the crowd in his favour. I must be hallucinating as Lio Rush hits a tope and nearly lands in the lap of a lady on an oxygen tank. IT’S LIKE SHE WAS ACTUALLY IN A HORROR FILM. Much like I am, taped to a keyboard. **½. This was pretty good actually.  

 

Brian Cage vs. Gringo Loco vs. Resplendor  

Mansplainer is back. Can he mansplain me out of this keyboard? “Just pick it up, Arnold, it’s wireless”. Oh shit, thank you, brother. Now go and mansplain a good match out of Gringo Loco. I carry the keyboard out of the room, and I can hear Aqeel pacing violently down the corridor. He’s as much as prisoner here as I am but until I can get past him neither of us will be free.  

 

While Mansplainer tries to drag something out of Gringo Loco, I sneak down the corridor. Aqeel is facing away from me, and I bash him over the head with the keyboard….hwonhalngfljshghfuobasconis. HA! Eat my words, punk. Make me watch Brian Cage in 2026, will you? I hit him again asaslnjcbuehlhaslknche. Having bested Aqeel, I take his weapon and go in search of William Brown. If we are both to be free, William Brown must be stopped. No matter the cost.  

 

I kick down the door of oppression. It’s also the door to the lounge. William Brown is seated on an intricate throne, made of steel folding chairs, barbwire and foam fingers. Yanno, for comfort. Either side of him is a henchman. On one side Welshman Mark Andrews from the tag team Subculture. On the other side Welshman Flash Morgan Webster from the tag team Subculture. The Welsh. I knew it. Everyone stops dead in their tracks…waiting…waiting…for Brian Cage to hit his finish so I can rate this match and move on. Mansplainer eats the fall, as Cage stands triumphant. “I would have kicked out of that” says Flash Morgan Webster. Wabz shushes him. He awaits my star rating. “Fuck you” I reply. “Very good. You have chosen to rebel. GET HIM SUBCULTURE”. 

 

We throw to Filthy Tom Lawlor, and the ring announcer talks over him for the fifth time tonight. You can sense his frustration.  

 

TJP vs. Jonathan Gresham 

As the wrestlers enter the ring, Mark Andrews charges towards me, his eyes filled with hate. I put my hand out, pressing it against his forehead as he swings his tiny arms wildly in front of himself. “Nice try, Mandrews!” I boot him square across the room. Gresham enters the ring, making his FSW debut, surely something he dreamt about while recovering from a stroke.  

As TJP thinks about the decisions he’s made throughout his life, I approach the throne, facing off with Flash Morgan Webster. “Oh dear, Wabzy, I don’t know what to do. Mark usually plans out these bits”. Urine runs down his legs, and he collapses into a fetal position, defeated without the need for contact. With Flash Morgan Webster, he’s already beaten. I hit him with my keyboard anyway, for my amusement. Nfineihlknamlkadnslhlns. “I see you’ve bested the bestest of henchman available from Wales” says Wabz. “Yes, William Brown, now stand up and face me”. “Beer, Arn?” asks Wabz. “Oh, don’t mind if I do. This is thirsty work. All the typing and then beating up Subculture”. Wabz hands me a glass of ale and I thirstily sup at it. That’s the last thing I remember, collapsing face first into the floor and inhaling the shagpile carpet.  

 

Clearly, the alcohol had been laced with illegal substances.  

 

I must be hallucinating, again, as TJP is spanking Gresham. The deviant side of my mind has taken over. Thankfully, Gresham gets a pin. **¾.  

 

Bad Dude Tito vs. Richard Holliday vs. Hammerstone 

This is a fine collection of people no one else wanted to book. The crowd start the “WHAT” thing and I beg for the sweet release of death. William Brown enters the room and demands to know why I’m not typing. “My mother told me if I had nothing nice to say, I should simply say nothing at all”. William tells me this isn’t good enough and I need to tell people what I don’t like. “Oh, just everything”. Hammerstone wins with the Rack and then his entire upper body explodes. ½* 

 

Finally, the show is over and I can sleep. Wait, why is music playing? Oh no. 

 

Zilla Fatu vs. Killer Kross 

Look, it’s been a long night. I’ve run out of Subculture members to make fun of. Let’s keep this short, eh? Remember when Killer Kross was getting all this groundswell of support and people wanted him to be a main eventer in the Fed? Haha.  

Mass delusion. This is apparently “one of the most anticipated matches of the weekend”. Brother, I considered getting dirty shitfaced drunk to watch this show because I couldn’t face it sober. I’m aware I don’t have the same taste in wrestling as everyone else but even so, there’s a reason it’s in this tiny building. Also, WWE is hiring literally every Samoan in the business, including ones who can barely stand, and they still haven’t hired this guy.  

 

Kross spears Zilla through a door. Lince bursts in with the Big Dohmi in tow, filming. “THIS IS PURE CINEMA”. Zilla then puts Kross through a door and, you’re going to be shocked here people…he barely took that bump.  

Kross chokes out Zilla. As Zilla’s eyes close and the show comes to a conclusion, I find myself openly weeping at the cinema I’ve just witnessed. I look over Lince Dorado and he too is crying. Big Dohmi slowly lowers the camera as Lince says “cut”. I look at Dohmi, and he looks back at me. He opens his mouth…”that was shit, Arn”. I nod in approval. It was shit. He is entirely right. Wabz puts down the weapon he was aiming at me and calls in Aqeel and Subculture. We hug in a big circle, happy to have survived FSW and Killer Kross presents Mecca XI. I hope and pray to god almighty that there is not a Mecca XII.  

 

In the huddle, we give our match ratings.  

 

Dohmi: it was shit, DUD 

Lince: I’ve never seen such cinema, it cannot be rated on a conventional scale but if I had to, I would say **¾  

Flash: Erm, let Mark say first. I’m thinking. 

Mandrews: ***½ 

Flash: yeah, ***½. ***½ is what I was gonna say.  

Aqeel: *****, as I was left emotionally changed in some way, and i think that’s kind of beautiful.  

Wabz: …. 

His silence speaks greater volumes than words could. Sometimes something cannot be rated. Merely experienced.  

Arn: I’ll go ¼*.  

Wabz:  

 

 

The 411: 

Life is like a box of chocolates. It’s sticky sometimes, tastes great but you can have too much of a good thing and vomit. Killer Kross is the vomit.  

 

 

Show Ranking:   

Effy’s Big Gay Brunch 8.0  

WWE Wrestlemania N2 7.8  

NJPW Death Vegas 7.5  

CMLL 7.1  

Stardom 7.0 

TJPW 6.5  

Wrestlecon Supershow 6.3   

HOG Culture Clash 6.1 

MLP Multiverse 5.9  

Dragon Gate USA: Gate of Sin City 5.8   

Progress 5.6   

Bloodsport 5.5  

Spring Break 5.2  

Gringo Loco’s WRLD on Lucha 5.0  

Clusterfuck 4.6  

Ladies Night Out 16 4.5   

Hybrid x PWU Midnight Xpress 4.1   

MDK Fight Club 4.0   

Wrestlemania N1 3.8  

CCW High Rollers 3.4   

Podermania~! 3.1  

FSW Killer Kross Mecca XI 3.0  

FSW ID Showcase 2.8  

Juggalos 2.2   

  

Best Matches:   

Blue Panther vs. Ultimo Guerrero (CMLL) ****½  

Tremont & Gage vs. Takeda & Yamashita vs. Desperado & Kasai (NJPW Death Vegas) ****¼   

Roman Reigns vs. CM Punk (Wrestlemania N2) ****¼  

Brick Savage vs. Mad Dog Connelly (Effys Big Gay Brunch) **** 

Bandido vs. Amazing Red (HOG Culture Clash) **** 

Athena vs. Rina (Stardom) ***¾  

Zack Sabre Jr vs. Fuminori Abe (NJPW Death Vegas) ***¾   

Mark Davis vs. Masato Tanaka (Wrestlecon Supershow) ***¾   

Miyu Yamashita vs. Miu Watanabe vs. Mizuki (TJPW) ***½  

Man Like Dereiss vs. Michael Oku (Progress) ***½   

Tim Thatcher vs. Charlie Dempsey (Bloodsport) ***½  

Gisele Shaw vs. Persephone vs. Killer Kelly vs. Shotzi Blackheart (MLP) ***¼  

Gunther vs. Seth Rollins (Wrestlemania N1) ***¼  

Persephone vs. Tessa Blanchard (CMLL) ***¼  

Manders vs. Thomas Shire (Hybrid/PWU) ***¼   

Zack Sabre Jr vs. Effy (Effys Big Gay Brunch) ***¼  

IC ladder match (Wrestlemania N2) ***¼  

Jacob Fatu vs. Drew McIntyre (Wrestlemania N1) *** 

Bandido vs. Galeno del Mal (Wrestlecon Supershow) ***  

Hechicero vs. Jonathan Gresham (MLP) *** 

Perry & Stunt vs. Stackhouse & Orso (Spring Break) *** 

Charles Mason vs. Michael Oku (HOG Culture Clash) *** 

Mascara Dorada & Neon vs. Capitan Suicida & Flip Gordon (CMLL) *** 

Ben K & Hyo vs. Aero Panther & Fight Panther Jr vs. Jordan Oliver & Alec Price (DGUSA) ***  

Fuminori Abe vs. Erick Stevens (Bloodsport) *** 

Thunder Rosa vs. Julissa Mexa (WRLD on Lucha) *** 

Dark Sheik vs. Nyla Rose (Effys Big Gay Brunch) *** 

10 person tag (Effys Big Gay Brunch) ***  

Willow, Cameron & Statlander vs. AZM, Mei Seira & Starlight Kid (Stardom) *** 

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Atlantis Jr (CMLL) *** 

 

Sandman vs. Invisible Man (Spring Break) 

  

Matches watched: 181 

Number of coffees drunk; 13 

Number of Geoguessr seeds played as a welcoming distraction: 14 

Number of motivational/tactical Irn Bru’s drunk: 8