UWF Fury Hour #3 (10.15.90) 

 

October 15, 1990 (Taped: September 24, 1990) 

 

This is the final show they taped in the opening block. Hosts are Herb Abrams & Bruno Sammartino. Herb thanks us for our reactions to last week’s show, which he can’t possibly know about because it was taped. He also has this habit of just staring at Bruno while he talks. I get you’re in awe of the man but come on. Tonight has the Orndorff-Doc showdown. What’s the betting it’s a DCO?  

 

Dan Spivey vs. Michael Allen 

This is another 60 second special from Spivey. Allen, who reminds me of Sean Waltman (only not as good), takes great bumps and Spivey must be enjoying his moves looking this good. B. Brian Blair runs in for the DQ and hits Spivey in the back of the head with a chair. Jesus, what a cunty move that is. Keep in mind there is no pay off for this and this is Spivey’s last appearance in UWF until 1994. 

 

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Houdini 

Either Jay dropped a LOT of weight since the last time I saw him*, or this is Jay Strongbow Jr. Either way, we’re not in for a treat here. Houdini looks much better and actually dominates the early part of the match. He also bumps better than Jay. Should have called an audible from ringside and put Houdini over. Grow a set, Herb! Reward talent. Jay Jr wins with a sleeper. He doesn’t half look like Chief Jay Strongbow.  

 

*1987 in the WWF and I’m 99% sure he’s retired at this point.  

 

David Sammartino vs. Colonel De Beers 

Oh, fuck me, what a horrible match up. I understand them hiring David, so they could get Bruno, but why book De Beers? De Beers once again complains of a black official. Oddly enough, these two are compatible. I guess they move at the same speed. Just as I type that David hits one of the worst kicks I’ve ever seen, which is bumped in delayed slow-motion by De Beers. Ok, normal service resumed then. They work in a horrible ref bump and then De Beers just beats the referee (“Larry”) up anyway. Awful wrestling. Two absolute shitters having a stinker here. 

 

Black Knight vs. Davey Meltzer 

Who wins in this battle of the jobbers? Herb hates Meltzer so much he’s got him jobbing to jobbers. I can’t be bothered describing a match where one jobber beats another, but it speaks volumes about how petty Herb is that he put this on at all.  

 

“Bumblebee” Brian Blair vs. Riki Ataki 

Bet you didn’t know that’s what the B stood for huh? Herb pulling back the curtain and revealing all. This match has one of those weird spots that make no sense in. They run the International and Riki grabs the ropes to stop himself, but Blair was going for a leapfrog. So, what did Ataki stop for? Blair then clotheslines him out of the ring. This probably sounded smarter when they were planning the match than in reality. Blair finishes with the Sharpshooter. Every time he applies it, you can see him thinking about the process.  

 

Captain Lou’s Corner 

“This is my favourite part of the show” says Herb. Just admit you don’t like wrestling. His guest this week is Bob Orton Jr. He was fairly unimpressive in WCW last year and washed out after a few months. He does have name value. Orton’s promo here is constantly interrupted by Albano.  

 

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Larry Ludden 

Yeah, it’s another squash. Haynes cuts a promo saying the company has the “toughest competition in the universe” before wrestling another jobber. Not content with this Haynes even works a bunch of fucking rest holds AND they botch the finish. Spectacular. Haynes is on the next taping block too, which, again, speaks volumes about Herb Abrams and his lack of ball knowledge.  

 

Steve Williams vs. Paul Orndorff 

This is YOUR main event. Doc is playing a chickenshit heel and Orndorff the fiery babyface, which is the wrong way around. I watch a lot of Doc, and you can tell he’s half assing this match. I do appreciate how snug he works though. His work, in general, has improved a lot since he started working regularly for All Japan. Doc slowly works away at Orndorff’s back, incorporating some super gay low bearhug spots. Orndorff, the babyface, punts Doc in the balls. Haha. Do a double turn in the first main event, Herb, I DARE YOU.  

 

I’m not saying the promotion is predictable, but they brawl out to the floor and it’s a DOUBLE COUNT OUT. Hey, I called it. That’s three main events on the same taping that ALL ended in double count outs. Creatively this is embarrassing. At least this one felt heated towards the finish and the brawl felt like it could lose track of the count. Shitty finish though.  

 

UWF Fury Hour #4  

 

Broadcast: October 22, 1990. Taped: October 11, 1990. 

 

We’re still in Reseda at the Country Club. I guess they’re still awaiting payment but figure we’re on SportsChannel, Herb is good for it. This is a different taping block, so it has different talent. I should, ideally, have done 1-3 as a column and started a new one here. Unfortunately, I don’t care enough to do that. Stars for this block include Nikita Koloff, Ivan Koloff and Ken Patera. Has Herb developed enough balls to have any name wrestler lose a match? We’ll see. The attendance for the first Fury Hour tapings was decent. 450-ish. They drew nowhere near that for the second block. Presumably because people saw the first block and decided this was going to be shit. Hosts are Herb Abrams and Bruno Sammartino. 

 

Ivan Koloff vs. Stephen De Leon 

Herb reminds Bruno he lost his title to Ivan Koloff and Sammartino tells us Ivan was “a lot bigger then”. Another reminder this isn’t Steroids Wrestling Federation. De Leon is another WWF jobber. The match starts and someone accidentally starts playing music. Oops. Laughter around the building. As much as I mock these shows, I wish I’d been at a taping. De Leon is very young, like 20, and has ambition in his work. He tries a springboard but slips off the ropes and fucks it. Bruno laughs at him. 

 

For some bizarre reason they decide to give this over six minutes. Ivan seems to be having a nice time and he’s brutally stiff at times. Russian Sickle finishes and honestly, great performance from Ivan here. Although, the match is too long.  

 

Bounty Hunter vs. Michael Moore 

No, not that Michael Moore. Although knowing Herb it might be a piss take. John Tolos is manager for Bounty Hunter. The Bounty Hunter, from “parts unknown”, is only Spitball Patterson in a mask, as Herb attempts to create a star. Seeing as this is literally the only time Patterson wrestled as the Bounty Hunter, that should tell you how well it went. Some random music starts playing again and Bounty Hunter snags the win with a horrible running splash. Tolos would go to WWF in 1991 to be “The Coach”, in a short-lived failure of an idea. 

 

Nikita Koloff vs. Riki Ataki 

Nikita was threatened by Ivan Koloff earlier tonight and they’re on a collision course. That’s basically Nikita’s entire UWF career. He’d go back to WCW in 1991. Russian Sickle, a clothesline, finishes in short order here. Nikita looked fine. Ivan jumps him post-match to set up their showdown on a future Fury Hour, destined to be a DCO.  

 

David Sammartino cuts a promo about how he’s not 300lbs. The Sammartino’s were OBSESSED with weight and steroids, weren’t they?  

UWF’s merchandise address, as seen above, is 702 Washington, Marina del Ray, California. I’m concerned that vehicle is still full of Herb’s belongings. The building is now a skin care place but I’m assuming he was using it as an office.  

Here’s what it looked like before they built a fence in front of it. That was UWF HQ. I can imagine Herb sorting through his mail at a desk in there and furiously planning his next TV block. How many DCO’s should I book this week *SNORT*, 17, brother. Let’s book the shit out of this territory!  

 

David Sammartino vs. Cactus Jack 

Cactus comes out to “Welcome to the Jungle” this time. They’ve used that for two different wrestlers so far. This is a re-match and it’s NO DQ. How about count outs, Herb, how do you feel about count outs? Foley, eager to get this over, takes a backdrop on the floor. They brawl around outside and I’m waiting, eagerly, for the DCO. Foley spends most of the match trying to figure out how to bump David’s horrible offence.  

 

Cactus punches David in the plums and Bruno complains about it. It’s no DQ! “Ahhh, I keep forgetting that”. The crowd pop it huge, showing where wrestling was going. It only takes the big promotions SIX MORE YEARS to figure it out. David, while dreadful, at least can chop Cactus and Foley drags the best out of him here. Cactus punches David with some International object, and pins with his feet on the ropes. No DQ, baby! This gets met with raucous applause. Best match in UWF so far. Maybe ever, who knows. **½ 

 

May 30, 2025. As I was writing this, and right after the previous match finished, I got a call to say my aunt Ros had passed away. She’d been ill for a while, and it wasn’t a huge shock but that doesn’t make it any sadder. She was the smartest person in the family, gave great advice, beat Lymes disease, survived every speed bump life threw at her and will be missed. I just wanted to put this out here. It’s a reminder to tell people you care about how you feel while they’re still around. Don’t take anything for granted. You never know how much time is left.  

 

Back to the show.  

 

Ken Patera vs. Robbie Allen 

Boy, have I ever given less of a fuck about anything than this match right now. Patera left WWF in late 1988 and is washed. The crowd chant “jailbird” at Patera, who did time for throwing a rock through a window and resisting arrest. Herb, who has booked this loser, cannot scramble hard enough to deny the fans allegations. He literally went to prison, Herb. Patera is so bad in this match that Antonio Inoki should come out here to stop the match. Top 5 worst workers in the world territory. How did Herb find a worker in worse shape than David Sammartino? Dogshit. Negative stars. Post match Patera gets an interview where he calls the crowd “losers”. Uh oh. Herb is suddenly very quiet. 

 

Captain Lou’s Corner 

Albano has Ken Patera on this week. He calmly talks about being the strongest wrestler in the world. Albano barks at him about how he should respect Bruno Sammartino. Albano continues to call him an egomaniac with the brain of a pea. Lou starts rambling about “the commission” and “barring him from interviews”.  Can we bar him from wrestling too?  

 

“You know who I am”. Only because the graphic told me, pal. You will know his name though, its Tony Halme. Aka Ludwig Borga. This is the most embarrassingly shit he has been in his entire career. Wearing a plastic helmet and quoting Ahnolt.  

 

Bob Orton Jr vs. Paul Orndorff 

I sense a double count out is forthcoming. These two guys know how to make basics look great but there’s only so many armbars I can take before I mentally check out of a ‘main event’. Orton takes a big slam and decides to sell the back…but he’s faking. Orton does a horrible job of hiding his punches. “The ref didn’t see it” claims Herb as the referee looks right at it.  

 

They’re probably plants but there’s a gang of young guys chanting and yelling and it makes it seem like there’s an atmosphere at this show. Plants! Sometimes a small crowd can get hot quicker though. Orton does some wacky selling to try and get this over. They definitely have chemistry and if it wasn’t for the earlier Cactus match, this would handily be UWF’s best match. Orndorff yeets Orton out of the ring and he’s counted out. Jeez, just have Orndorff piledrive the guy. Both guys would be UWF regulars so I guess he couldn’t job one of them out. ** 

 

UWF Fury Hour #5 

 

Aired: October 29, 1990. Taped: October 11, 1990 

 

Ivan vs Nikita Koloff in tonight’s main event. Double count out incoming! We’re still in the same building in Reseda. Hosts are still Herb Abrams & Bruno Sammartino. 

 

Billy Jerk Haynes vs. Gary Keyes 

Gary Keyes/Key/Lee I’ve seen in XPW as “Tool”. That’s an accurate way to describe him. His bumps look SO fake. Haynes has limited patience with him and starts levelling him with chops before the full nelson finishes. Nothing happening here. 

 

Ken Patera vs. Riki Ataki 

Patera revels in the “jailbird” chants this week. Bruno flat out accuses Ataki of being a jobber and Herb, quickly, states that “anyone can beat anyone on any given night”. No, they can’t. Don’t insult the fans intelligence. This is the problem with guys like Herb, who think they’re better than “smart marks”. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle. Riki Ataki isn’t winning shit mate. Full nelson finishes. The Full Nelson: The Unbreakable Hold of UWF. Patera stank up the joint here but at least he had fun arguing with the fans. 

 

Paul Orndorff vs. Matt Starr 

“I don’t know too much about Matt Starr” says Bruno. Hey, no one does mate. It’s ok. He’s certainly chonky and looks like he might be able to kick somebody’s ass. If they spilled his beer or something. Maybe bumped his arm while he was eating a hoagie. Get him all hot about it. Orndorff does very little. At one point he does a snapmare and just leaves Starr to get back up. What? Piledriver finishes.  

 

Bounty Hunter vs. “Bumblebee” Brian Blair 

John Tolos, the Golden Greek, is the manager of “The Bounty Hunter” and he claims to be the “greatest manager in the world today”. He’s intending to manage Bumblebee Blair to defeat as a favour to another of his charges; Dan Spivey*. B. Brian has added a sexy valet here called “Honey”. I’m shocked it’s taken Herb this long to resort to sleaze.  

 

*I have no idea what happened here, but Spivey didn’t work for UWF again. I can’t wait to see what happens to John Tolos’ planned stable.  

 

The match is not great. Most of the excitement stems from John Tolos arguing with the fans. I sense a theme developing. Most of the match is eaten up by me trying to figure out who Honey is. At first, I thought it might have been Mike McGuirk, Blair’s wife, but she was in WWF until 1994, so I don’t think so?  

 

UWF have spent an entire week building up Bounty Hunter. Having him squash a jobber and gain a famous manager. Only for his big ‘blow off’ match to be a plodding overbooked affair. There’s a ref bump, Tolos hits Blair with a shoe and Brian wins by jabbing Bounty Hunter in the butt with the “Stinger” a cattle prod gimmick that Honey was carrying. This sucked, lads. Tolos proceeds to put the boots to the Bounty Hunter and that’s the end of his career. Literally, never to be seen again.  

 

Tolos goes on to cut a promo on the Bounty Hunter calling him “stupid” and “useless”. He even gets the Bounty Hunter’s name wrong calling the “Head Hunter”. If you watched this, and you’re in the WWF, why would you hire John Tolos? He’s threatening to bring in “an entire stable” to defeat the UWF. His first two charges have 1. been jobbed out and left and 2. not turned up after one booking.  

 

Viking vs. Patriot 

“The Viking from Helinska, Finland” says Herb. HELSINKI. Patriot isn’t Del Wilkes, it’s just a guy in a mask. Probably Larry Ludden or “The Observer” Davey Meltzer. Tony Halme throws him around a bit. Halme is about a year into his career here and while he’s very raw, and very stupid, he does look the part. His in ring though is ROTTEN. He looks barely trained and has no experience. He’s making the kind of mistakes that a decent trainer would have called him on. Maybe he just doesn’t care.  

 

My ‘worst wrestler of the year’ award is hotting up. I’ve slotted Halme in ahead of Kevin Nash because he’s that bad. However, competition is strong this year and he might not make the top ten!  

 

Captain Lou’s Corner 

Guest this week is Ivan Koloff. He tells a nice little story about how he brought Nikita over and trained him but now he’s gone soft and is too influenced by America.  

 

Ivan Koloff vs. Nikita Koloff 

I can’t wait for this DCO finish, lads. My mouth is watering. Nikita looks a bit more energised here than he did against a jobber. Ivan goes after Nikita’s ribs, as he’s wearing tape on them. It certainly feels like a contest, which is an improvement over everything else tonight. It’s kinda mad Bruno is commentating on two guys he feuded with (Patera and Ivan). Not recently either.  

 

Ivan slows it right down, in order to work the ribs. The bearhug is a hold that tells me “you’re a boring worker”. It does, at least, make sense here. Ivan grinds away. Not so long ago, I loved watching Ivan but he’s showing signs of aging. Ivan misses a kneedrop off the ropes and Nikita goes after the leg. It’s a psychological masterclass in Reseda this week. Figure Four hooked and the bell rings.  

 

The verdict; time limit draw. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING TIME LIMIT? The match started at 41:00 and finished at 49:40-ish. That classic 8:30 time limit. Seriously, was it announced as ten minutes time limit? Or “TV time remaining”? Just do your bloody DCO, Herb. This is even worse. *¾  

 

The non-finish doesn’t help either guy. Nikita and Ivan will both be back here but will never again wrestle each other.  

 

The 411: 

Lay off the crack, Herb.