WWF WrestleMania VII: Superstars and Stripes Forever (3.24.91) 

 

March 24, 1991 

 

We’re in Los Angeles, California for WrestleMania this year. The WWF were convinced they could break the famous WrestleMania III attendance record and booked the LA Coliseum. An enormous building that could have fitted 100,000 people. However, the sheen had come off the 80s wrestling boom, and people simply weren’t interested. There’s no Hogan-Andre here. Instead, Hogan battles Iraqi sympathizer Sgt Slaughter, a month after Kuwait has been liberated by the Allied forces. The war was already being criticised, especially in the more liberal state of California. Vince’s USA propaganda fell on deaf ears, and ticket sales were abysmal*. 

 

*Roughly 11k – Meltzer  

 

So bad, in fact, that the venue was switched to the LA Memorial Sports Arena. A move that officials said was for “safety reasons” after death threats towards WWF champion Slaughter. Interesting that they managed to cram 100,000 people into such a small arena. Oh no, wait, only 15,000* people turned up. Which is an embarrassment and one of the WWF’s biggest financial failures. There was a feeling within the company that reverting to Hogan was the only option, after a relatively weak Warrior title run hadn’t set the world on fire.  

 

*Allegedly this included 3.5k of comps 

 

There were other issues away from the squared circle as Vince McMahon was in the process of launching the World Bodybuilding Federation and, at the same time, George Zahorian was arrested for illegally distributing steroids in the WWF. The next couple of years would be a wild ride for the Fed. There are a few potential upsides though as they’re closing in on Sid and Ric Flair would fall into their lap before the year was out. Plus, Bret Hart was rising rapidly up the card.  

 

What I will say about Wrestlemania VII is that you can tell it’s a step up from the previous three years. WM6 really only has a main event, WM4 and WM5 took place in the horrendous Trump Plaza, the worst venue Mania has ever been to. Maybe the scaled down venue even helped. On the downside; 14 matches here. FOURTEEN! There’s no need, Vince, there’s no need. 

 

I load up the video for this show and, oh no, it’s 3h30m. Fuck me. Has no one uploaded the clipped version?  

Good lord, this looks cheap. It looks like a TV taping. Host is Gorilla Monsoon, going solo. Presumably because Roddy Piper is cornering someone tonight, so Monsoon ends up with rotating guest colour commentators but mostly Bobby Heenan. Jim Duggan is first because even with 14 matches there’s no way we get Duggan vs General Adnan. 

 

Rockers vs. Haku & Barbarian 

Shawn Michaels is 25 here and fully ready to go singles. If you told he’d be main eventing the show in four years though? I don’t think I’d buy it. It’s amazing how quickly wrestling can change and, sometimes, how long it stagnates. Can you imagine someone main eventing Wrestlemania in their twenties now? Shawn looks so fresh and exciting here. The Rockers had established themselves as exciting performers, but what always amazes me about this match is how much they get out of Barbarian. I’ve seen this guy work and it’s normally boring.  

 

Not only is it the Rockers on offence making things interesting but the bumps they take. Jannetty does a bang up job of taking abuse. He’s literally playing Ricky Morton. Even when he makes a mess of something, it feels like he’s fucked and that’s why he bumps weird or lands funny. My favourite spot is either Jannetty eating the Hot Shot or when he comes off top and gets powerslammed. Considering Barbarian is involved in both spots, he’s at his creative peak. Hot tag to Shawn, buncha double teams and high crossbody gets the job done. This was rock solid tag team wrestling. Power vs speed. Everyone was great. ***¼ 

 

Video Control takes us backstage to the celebrities with Mean Gene segment. Celebs are; Regis Philbin, Marla Maples and Alex Trebek. Even over in the UK, I knew Philbin. His face was everywhere on TV. If you saw a clip from American television where someone was doing daytime TV, chances are it was him hosting. Trebek is best known for hosting Jeopardy. So, we’ve gone all in on TV hosts here. Maples is best known for something else; being Donald Trump’s second wife. She’s also the only person in this group to still be alive at time of writing (January 2026).  

Bobby Heenan takes over on commentary. His managerial commitments prevent him from being in the booth all night, but he should be.  

 

USELESS FILLER #1: 

Dino Bravo vs. Kerry von Erich 

I will never understand Vince’s continued need to put Dino Bravo on PPV. He’s absolutely rotten by this point. Slow motion bumps, awful movement around the ring. He’s fat and out of shape. I can only assume he’s injured here because he stinks worse than usual. He wouldn’t wrestle again for three months. Kerry gets the Claw, then the Discus Punch and this is over in 3 minutes. Bravo would never wrestle on PPV again*. DUD 

 

*Just over a year after this match Dino Bravo retired. Two years after this match, he would be found dead from gunshot wounds.  

 

USELESS FILLER #2: 

Warlord vs. British Bulldog 

At least Bulldog is over, but he’s added so much bulk since going back to the Fed that his mobility is affected. Warlord is roided up to the gills too. Amazingly, this isn’t their only PPV match in 1991, as Vince forgot how boring this was and did it again at This Tuesday in Texas. This is at least better than the last match, because Dino Bravo isn’t in it, but it eats up a lot of valuable time with dull rest holds. Warlord proclaimed, earlier, that no one can escape the FULL NELSON OF DEATH. So, when he applies said Full Nelson, the crowd buy into Davey trying to escape. Davey inevitably does escape and hits the powerslam for the win. This was fine. Like ** territory. There’s no need for it to take place on Wrestlemania but I’m happy for Davey and this mini-push he’ll get, eventually resulting in him headlining Summerslam in the UK next year. 

 

WWF Tag Team Championship 

Hart Foundation (c) vs. Nasty Boys 

In a trademark WCW fumble the Nasty Boys broke out huge last year in WCW and they failed to sign them to actual contracts. So, they just jumped to the WWF at a time when they needed a big nasty heel team. The Harts are almost done as a team. Bret has been promised a singles run and it’s finally happening.  

Speaking of celebs at this Wrestlemania, it’s always amazed me that someone as wrestling obsessed as Macauley Culkin hasn’t been in any WWF angles. Presumably because he’s so much of a wrestling fan that he doesn’t want to be. Gorilla doesn’t know who he is until he’s fed a “Home Alone” line over the headset.  

 

The Nasties are a bizarre tag team. They may be one of the all-time great brawling teams but put them in straight-up matches and boy, do they suck. Luckily, they’re wrestling Bret Hart here, and Bret is keen to show that he’s one of the best in-ring talents in the company. The Nasties are strangely good at bumping but not any good on offence unless it’s a scrap.  

 

The match runs into serious issues when Bret Hart is playing Ricky Morton. The Nasties, without plunder or carnage, are a boring team in control. It’s a bunch of bad strikes and rest holds. The Nasties miscue with Jimmy Hart’s megaphone to allow the hot tag. Hart Attack connects but the megaphone comes in again and this time Anvil eats it and we have new champions. This is it for the Harts. They’d team a handful of times over the coming months, but Bret’s singles push would soon become the focus. **½ 

 

Blindfold Match: 

Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts 

This was a stupid idea. Martel used his cologne “Arrogance” to blind Jake, which did lead to him having very cool contact lenses and outstanding promos. However, in order to balance this up, both guys are wearing hoods. I, personally, would have just had Jake kick Martel’s ass instead. They spend eight minutes bimbling around, pretending that they can’t see each other. Jake eventually fumbles his way into Martel, drills him with a DDT, and that’s it. There is a degree of psychology involved here, so I don’t hate it as much as I was expecting. It’s not even the worst match on the show so far. The concept was so bad that it’s rarely ever been repeated. Very easy pay day for the boys though. 

 

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka 

This just about avoids the “useless filler” tag because they wanted to have Undertaker be shown to be a killer. No one probably realised this would be the start of the famous “Wrestlemania streak”. Snuka still has a few appearances left in him after this, but he’s effectively done as a big star, so he’s sacrificed. A year from now he’ll be wrestling Sandman for the ECW title. Seeing as this is super spooky Undertaker this plods along at a glacial pace. He’s about to have five years worth of absolute dogshit matches. Taker is supposed to catch Snuka on a crossbody to lead into the finish, but they fuck it up and Taker ends up just scooping him instead. This was awful. DUD 

 

Career Match: 

Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior 

Savage missed two months with a broken thumb right before this. Which makes his performance here even more remarkable. Randy was interested in taking a break and coming off the road for a while. Even though this is called a ‘retirement’ match, nobody ever really retires in wrestling. Even at this point, it was a gimmick. Terry Funk had been retired about three times already. The crowd don’t know that though and it does feel like a high stakes match.  

 

Warrior’s best match, ever, at this point is the ***¾ carry job at the hands of Hulk Hogan one year ago. Keep that in mind. 

Before we get underway, Bobby Heenan, in what feels like a shoot, points out Elizabeth in the crowd. She’s not been on TV since August and the conclusion of the Savage-Rhodes program.  

 

Pre-match Warrior doesn’t run to the ring. Clearly, he’s been told to not blow himself up before the match even starts. Savage puts some lovely snap on his bumps here, making a point of selling Warrior’s power. When you save the big bumps for the big matches, they mean more. Warrior even throws some psychology in there by catching Savage off the ropes and then setting him down and slapping him. The message is clear; I can beat you whenever I want.  

 

Warrior goes through the motions in beating Savage down but it’s the women who tell the story here. Sherri looking increasingly desperate that Warrior is dominating. Elizabeth, in the stands, concerned that Savage could get hurt here.  

Sherri, as she has before, gets involved. She’s a wonderful manager because like Bobby Heenan and Jim Cornette and Jimmy Hart, she can do the physical stuff and take bumps. She is Savage’s X-Factor. Savage knows he needs to get under Warrior’s skin and spits at him. Warrior can’t really respond because he’s an idiot, but Savage is telling the story for him. I’ve never noticed before, but Savage covers for Warrior doing odd things in this match. Like the ‘missed shoulderblock’ where he throws himself face first into the mat. Savage just makes it look like a real thing, but it’s not.  

 

Warrior isn’t completely useless though, and he does a great sell off a double clothesline. Savage is pancaked, Warrior tries to get up and collapses. Showing his spirit and fight but also that he’s hurt. They don’t land everything though, and the Earl Hebner ref bump is shockingly bad. Mainly because Warrior doesn’t touch him. Great bump and selling from Hebner but come on, man. You need contact at least.  

It does allow Sherri to be even more involved. They do a great job of making things important. Savage landing the Big Elbow legitimately feels like it’s the killer blow. Warrior absorbs a lot of abuse before it and he goes up top again. Two. Three. Four times! It feels like it’s done for emphasis. Like, Warrior lost but it took five elbows. Anyway, he kicks out. 

Savage does a sensational job of selling this. He’s seen his killer blow fail. Not just once either. But five fucking times. Savage is beaten at this point. Warrior hits a few clotheslines, with Savage doing another incredible job of popping back up in between, and Warrior does the press slam/splash finish. Savage kicks out. This POPS THE FUCKING CROWD SO HARD. This is not exceptional in modern wrestling but in 1991…for both guys to survive finishers? Absolutely unheard of. The crowd are unhinged. It essentially prepares the crowd for Savage’s face turn as he manages such a heroic kick out.  

Warrior does this whole ‘HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME???’ thing where he stares at the heavens. This is another potential ending as he walks away. Imagine the impact of one of the biggest stars in the world just walking away? Luckily for his big dumb ass Savage clocks him upside the head. Should have taken the count out, Randy. Savage eats shit into the guardrail though and now Warrior decides his gods have approved his continued participation in SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT, BABY!  

 

Then the shoulderblocks begin. Savage sells like he can barely stand.  

Warrior pins him with one foot and, just like that, it’s over. The finish feels very odd by modern standards, but the story is simple enough. It’s one that most people miss. Savage beat himself. If he doesn’t do the dive where he hits the rail, he wins the match. Warrior was done. In missing that spot, he gave Warrior the motivation, the impetus to finish him. Warrior doesn’t even need to do that much. If you watch, Savage does nothing after that guardrail spot. He’s toast. For the reactions, the performances, the structure, this is an all-timer. ****½  

– 

If we include the post-match stuff, it’s five stars. And the post match is EPIC. Sherri knows what I know. She saw what I saw. Savage fucked it up. Sherri lays the boots in and a defenceless Savage takes it. LIZ CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SHE RUNS IN! SHE THROWS SHERRI OUT OF THE RING! Savage finally recovers fom his beating and he’s like…what’s happening?  

They hug and Savage’s music kicks in and, oh my god, wrestling can make you cry.  

Sometimes, wrestling isn’t just wrestling. Sometimes, it transcends that and creates these moments that you never forget. That never leave you. Unfortunately, the WWF/WWE got obsessed with trying to ‘create’ moments like this. Not realising you get maybe one per career. This is Randy Savage’s and oh my word, it still gets to me. A beautiful moment, created by real people with real feelings.  

 

There’s a really tender moment after the big celebration too as Savage holds the ropes open for Elizabeth, harking back to the heel Savage who would make Liz hold the ropes for him. She even offers to first only for Savage to shake his head. This attention to detail and storytelling is what pro-wrestling should aspire to. It’s what makes it truly special.  

 

Savage ends things by posing on the buckles and pointing out to the crowd. As if he’s saying “this is me, done, forever. Goodbye”. As we know, the retirement didn’t last. What most people don’t know is how short it actually was. He returned to the WWF house show circuit in July, but the actual ‘retirement’ lasted a lot less time as he’d appear on the SWS cross promotion show in the Tokyo Dome…just SIX DAYS after this. Retirement, reshirement.  

 

USELESS FILLER #3: 

Demolition vs. Genichiro Tenryu & Koji Kitao 

Good luck following the last match, lads! This is part of the SWS/WWF copromotion work and you would think would serve as a way for the Fed to shout out the upcoming Japanese show (which is in under a week and would draw way more fans than this show). Of course it’s never mentioned.  

 

It’s surreal seeing Tenryu at Wrestlemania. I’ve seen this match a few times, and I still can’t mentally adjust to him being there. The Demos make the bizarre decision to isolate Kitao. There is no crowd reaction to it, at all. Kitao is about to commit professional suicide by shooting on John Tenta and would be fired by SWS. Much like he was fired by New Japan. Tenryu must have liked him though as he would return in WAR a few years later. Tenryu tags in, hits a few chops and the powerbomb finishes for the imports. ½* 

 

This is it for Demolition, a team that burned brightly for about a year before Bill Eadie’s illness. He’s not even at ringside tonight. Vince got his hands on the Roadwarriors, so why would he need his cheap copy version anymore? Smash would be rebranded as Repo Man before the year was out. Match was less than five minutes and nothing happened. Kitao sucks. 

 

WWF Intercontinental Championship 

Mr Perfect (c) vs. Big Bossman  

There are moments here when this rules. Bossman takes an Irish whip, slides under the ropes and runs back in, they do a duck and switch and a lariat sends Perfect packing. If the match operated on that level the whole time it’s **** easy. Sadly, Hennig can’t help himself and starts into the stupid cartoonish bumps. Hennig is great in holds though. His abdominal stretch here is elite. The one leg wrapped all the way around. I also like Bossman blocking the Perfectplex using his weight and taking a SICK bump off his knees for the rolling neck snap (reverse!) 

The biggest pop of the match is for the arrival of Andre the Giant. A man who briefly appeared in Herb Abrams UWF last year and Vince decided to sign him up before his name was used against the fed. He even wrestled a little on house shows. Andre’s arrival totally derails the match though, and it slows to a snail’s pace. Haku & Barbarian randomly run in for the DQ, thus ending Bossman’s months long pursuit of the IC belt to a cheap DQ finish on the biggest show of the year. Crowd seemed into it. Some of it was very good. **½  

 

USELESS FILLER #4: 

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine 

Quake had been a big star in 1990, but they’d got nothing for him, so he’s out here to squash the Hammer. There’s so little interest in this that we cut to Mean Gene interviewing celebrities including Lou Ferrigno, Henry Winkler, Chuck Norris and future president Donald Trump. Hammer is basically finished now but hanging around as McMahon appreciates his performances at the peak of 80s wrestling. Quake wins after Hammer gets a brief shine. ½* 

 

USELESS FILLER #5: 

Legion of Doom vs. Power & Glory 

A very basic squash to get LOD on the show. That dork Roma eats the Doomsday Device and we move on. 

 

Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil 

This was a great angle as Ted’s manservant Virgil finally snapped and rebelled against his master. Only one problem; Virgil is horrible at pro-wrestling. Virgil is being coached by an overly excited, highly caffeinated Roddy Piper. At least we’re spared his commentary by having him involved in this match up. I always thought it was strange that during this lull in WWF creativity that Piper never got something juicy to sink his teeth into. Reduced to working house show matches and commentary. He’s on crutches here after a motorbike accident.  

 

DiBiase does his best to get this over by bumping around like crazy, but you can’t polish a turd. Amazingly, they were so locked into this feud they have a match at Summerslam too. The crowd feel tired, after an exhaustingly long show. DiBiase bails to slap around the crippled Piper and gets counted out. Ted pops back in and puts Virgil out with the Million Dollar Dream, just to make him look like a total jamoke. Piper saves him with the crutch but then Sensational Sherri runs in to help Ted and give her a new storyline. Match is *-ish. Ted did really well to keep it above water, but that’s about it.  

 

USELESS FILLER #6: 

Tito Santana vs. The Mountie 

Yet another filler match. This one is to get Tito a Mania payoff. There’s a running theme of Vince getting his most loyal soldiers on the card. Tito does get some decent reactions. It’s a shame he’s stuck wrestling Jacques. Jimmy Hart passes in the fake cattle prod, and they do a horrible job of making it look like it hurts. Quick win for Mountie and it’s main event time.  

 

WWF Championship 

Sgt Slaughter (c) vs. Hulk Hogan 

“Our national hero” Monsoon calls Hogan. Considering his blustering, bullshitting approach to life maybe he does represent the USA. Gorilla has been claiming tonight is the largest PPV audience in history, which is, naturally, bullshit in of itself. 400,000 people bought this show. More people bought the Royal Rumble in 1991. Wrestlemania V did 767,000 buys. Just saying. The outright lies this company tells. Maybe he’s just reading off the script for when they thought they’d sell out the Coliseum.  

 

Sarge tries his hardest to get this over, knowing it’s probably his only Mania main event. General Adnan blindsides Hogan and that should be a DQ. Sarge even suggested he’d get disqualified on purpose to fuck over the orange llama. Hogan really dogs this match. He’s so slow and unimpactful. “I’ve never seen the Hulk look so determined” lies Regis Philbin on comms.  

 

Hogan continues his laboured performance. It’s such a marked contrast to how hard he tried to get Warrior over last year. They have a miscue in the corner, which is downright ugly. Hogan taking forever to set a spot up, so Sarge assumes it’s so he can cut him off. They then re-do the spot, and he does cut him off. So, Hogan fucked that up.  

 

The idiocy in this drives me mad too. Hogan refuses to grab the ropes to break a Boston crab but eventually grabs the ropes anyway. Sarge thinks he’s won off a two count. Just dumb shit stuff for children. Adnan isn’t immune as Sarge has Hogan pinned and Adnan distracts the referee while Slaughter gets a clear three count. What is this nonsense?  

Sarge twats Hogan with a chair and he gets colour off it. Imagine if they’d done the blood loss passing out gimmick here? The show ends with Sarge waving the Iraqi flag in the ring! LA has been known to riot. Sarge tries to pin with the Iraqi flag and an enraged Hogan hulks up, big boot, etc. Sarge takes a great bump off the boot. This match was rough and sluggish and not as good as I remember it at all. ** 

 

The 411: 

I still think this is a good show if you trim the useless matches (I’ve marked them as such) and drop the Iraqi war angle altogether. Especially as this show has the Savage-Warrior classic and the angle that follows. It’s really, genuinely, not bad at all. Which makes me start to worry as I don’t have friendly recollection of 1991 and its been fine so far. What horrors await?  

 

In a previous review of this show, for the HOW books, I gave the main event ***¼ and suggested the crowd were responsible for the good rating. I don’t think it’s that good and I maybe got conned by Sarge’s efforts and the lies on commentary about Hogan looking fired up.