WCW Great American Bash 1991 (7.14.91) review 

 

July 14, 1991 

 

Jim Ross calls this the worst PPV he was ever a part of. So, we’ve got that. We’re in Baltimore, Maryland. This is an all-time famous show because the advertised main event was Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger and Flair had been fired by WCW for refusing to agree to various things including a gimmick change. With Flair gone, the belt is vacant (although the NWA belt isn’t, and indeed Flair would take that with him to the WWF). This not only scuppers the main event of this show but also the other cage match on the show, which we’ll get to in due course. The hosts are Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone. 

 

 

Scafford Match: 

Bobby Eaton & PN News vs. Steve Austin & Terrence Taylor 

This is under ‘flag’ rules so you don’t have to send the other team tumbling off the scaffold, merely capture the flag. I wonder who refused to take that bump? It’s a very odd match for Austin to make his PPV debut. I’ve seen the show before, but the version I saw had this match clipped off it. Which should speak volumes about the quality of it. 

Scaffold matches absolutely stink. They’re all rotten. You can’t work on the scaffold. It’s too small. If Steve Austin fell off this fucking thing, the 1990s would have looked way different in pro-wrestling. The WWF might actually have gone out of business.  Incidentally, this angle reveals a lot of empty seats. Oops. 

 

Back in the match, nothing is happening. Taylor just lies there, and PN News just lies on top of him. Tony gets so bored he talks about the wooden flooring replacing metal flooring. “It really helps the skin a lot” – Tony. “.” – JR. Bobby captures the flag and that’s it. Match over. Austin uses hairspray as a weapon. Nothing happens. The faces are announced as winners as everyone sheepishly climbs back down. Fuck me, this was awful. 1991’s worst match of the year in the WON newsletter, and I can see why. A total disaster. Way into minus stars.  

 

What was the fucking point of this, lads?  

 

Video Control takes us to JR and Tony, while they take down that stupid scaffold. They tell us that WCW offered Ric Flair a new deal, but he rejected it. WCW trying to shift the blame to Flair here. Nobody is going to buy that. They run down the card, and it is not good.  

 

Diamond Studd vs. Z-Man 

This is Scott Hall’s WCW PPV debut. DDP is outdone on the ladies front here by Zenk, who has four girls in his corner. “Hunkasteria is runnin’ wild”. It’s the battle of the superhunks here. Who is the hunkiest? Zenk is in THE MOOD and takes a couple of nasty bumps in the early going. They actually put in a decent grind here, only slowed by Hall’s lengthy abdominal stretch. What’s that shades of Jim Ross? Jim? Jim? “.” – JR. Oh, he’s pissed off today. God damn.  

 

Hall does not return the favours in the bumping stakes. His gentle little run into the guardrail is so bad it makes me chuckle. DDP interferes, which is surely a DQ. While Zenk is fucking around with Page, Hall catches him with a backdrop driver for the win. This was very solid, but Zenk was trying way harder than everyone else. **¼ 

 

Oz vs. Ron Simmons 

WCW has decided that Oz is a bad idea (NO SHIT, LADS) and have given up on him. Nash would be jobbed out for the rest of Oz’s run until he got repackaged as Vinnie Vegas. It’s mad that all of the WWF’s biggest stars of the late 90s (apart from Shawn Michaels and The Rock) got a run in WCW and creatively WCW fumbled all of them. I’ve been critical of Nash over the years, but he got out of wrestling healthy (ish) and is growing old respectfully as a wife guy. I respect it honestly. Wrestling doesn’t care about you, wrestlers. It’s just a job.  

 

The crowd don’t like this, and you can hear someone yelling “boring” until Ron clotheslines Oz out of the ring. Oz takes this real easy. His performance is sluggish. Ron comes back, hits a few shoulderblocks and we’re done. Fucking hell. This was underwhelming. With the Oz character, there’s nothing to work with. Ross suggests he should “go back down the yellow brick road, where he belongs”. Oof. 

 

Robert Gibson vs. Richard Morton 

They must surely have thought about what they’d do in this match for years and years beforehand. I’m sure the ideal match wasn’t 15:00 of leglocks but that’s what we get. Gibson has been out injured since October. Maybe he needed to rest. It starts out ok with brawling and Morton trying to slow it down by bailing. They just don’t keep that intensity at all.  

Morton looks like someone put a wig on sausagemeat here. Morton works the leg forever. “I thought we’d see a very different match” says Jim Ross, as disappointed as all of us that this is so boring. Eventually Gibson manages a comeback, limping around to sell the beating. Alexandra York distracts the ref, again. “She’s prancing around like a little deer out here” says Jim, clearly not giving a fuck anymore. Eventually she gets into position, after getting in the ring in the wrong place, and Morton wins by whacking Gibson with the computer. Fuck me, that’s a long way to go for that finish. A really boring match with a bad finish. *¼  

 

Dustin Rhodes & Young Pistols vs. Fabulous Freebirds 

This is under elimination rules for some reason. Steve Armstrong calls Big Daddy Dink “Big Daddy Stink” and then Dustin mimics his old man’s promo style. Hmm, glad he didn’t stick with that. Freebirds are PS Hayes, Jimmy Jam and Badstreet. “People keep filing in” says Ross of the crowd. Did they fuck up the start time on the tickets? Was that a thing? You would think doing a trios match, with eliminations, would result in a fast-paced match up. It does not. 

 

The Freebirds do a lot of goofing around, and JR gets on Smothers for not just attacking them during it. He’s feisty tonight. He’s not taking any shit. They run a spot where Armstrong tags in and spends ages on the ropes while Smothers tries to figure out who he’s supposed to be positioning for the spot. It’s Badstreet, mate. This match is fine, especially compared to some of the other shit on the show. It really doesn’t need to be elimination rules. Armstrong and his masked brother do some decent stuff, and Hayes catches Steve with a DDT. Given the pop, this should have just been the finish. Hayes backdrops Armstrong out of the ring and gets a DQ. WHAT? Is that STILL A RULE HERE?  

 

Also, Armstrong was already out of the match. How can you be disqualified for that? Smothers gets booted with a DDT but Dustin clotheslines Garvin and we’re left with Rhodes vs Badstreet. Dustin’s awful timing here means that Badstreet has to carry him. Bulldog finishes and the nepo baby gets the win. This was fine until the lame eliminations kicked in. 15:00 match with a hurried 2:00 of eliminations tagged onto it. ** 

 

Yellow Dog vs. Johnny B. Badd 

This is Mero’s PPV debut. He’s mostly been doing promos thus far about how pretty he is. Pillman now has an actual golden labrador in his corner.  

“He’s accompanied to the ring by a yellow dog” – JR. You can hear him sigh slightly afterwards. Jim isn’t enjoying this at all. Mero is green here, in his rookie year, and struggles with some of the spots. You see him stood there waiting for a move on more than one occasion. He looks ok considering his total lack of experience. He trained under the Malenko’s in Florida just last year and only got a contract a few months ago. It shows how quickly someone can take to pro-wrestling, especially with sports backgrounds. Boxing is a key one, as it helps with your footwork.  

 

Teddy Long jumps in for the DQ, trying to collect the bounty on the mask. Mero punches Yellow Dog out of the ring with the KISS THAT DON’T MISS and he no sells it. Let’s cut Mero some slack here, as he was really green, and say that, considering his lack of reps, this was alright. The version of this match is incomplete, with someone deciding to remove Brian Pillman’s comments about Johnny B. Badd being gay. I’m sure we’ll get plenty of homophobic slurs when we get around to ECW guys.  

 

The version I was watching of this, on a dubious Russian website, completely conks out here, having struggled to 96:18 just barely functioning. Why won’t WWE put this on YouTube? Surely, they don’t care what a disaster it is! Anyway, I have sourced an alternative.  

 

Video Control takes us backstage where Eric Bischoff, in a reversal of Missy Hyatt’s backstage interviews, goes looking for Missy. Eric hears Missy in the shower and barges in to talk to her. What the fuck, Eric?  

“HELP! HELP! PEEPING TOM!” What the hell was this? The wrestling business has always been difficult for women. There are thousands of examples. Modern wrestling’s one shining grace over every other period in wrestling history is the opportunities that are now afforded to women wrestlers. 

 

This is an inauspicious debut for Eric Bischoff, who just joined from the dying AWA. It’s surprising that Bischoff managed such a swift rise up the corporate ladder in WCW. From working as a commentator on C-shows to running the company in under two years.  

 

Lumberjack Match 

Big Josh vs. Black Blood 

Why is this a lumberjack match? Black Blood is Billy Jerk Haynes under a mask. Jim Ross got asked about his run and couldn’t remember Haynes playing the role. So, he made a big impression. Incidentally, he was released almost immediately after this show.  

Tony points out Big Josh should have an advantage here as he’s a lumberjack. HAHAHA. The match type doesn’t involve chopping down trees Tony. Nobody gives a shit about this at all. They do whack each other a few times. I appreciate them working snug in front of the boys. The faces cheat and allow Big Josh to spend ages on the floor. BOO! The heels rightly take exception, and the crowd wake up as they brawl on the floor. Black Blood uses the distraction to grab his axe, but that cheating bastard Dustin Rhodes hits him in the leg with an axe handle and Big Josh wins. This was dreadful but I appreciate the effort from both in potatoing each other despite the awful booking.  

 

Billy Jerk Haynes is entirely done here. Going into retirement before resurfacing in Portland, where he was always a bigger deal than elsewhere. I doubt I’ll see him again. Not a major loss.  

 

One Man Gang vs. El Gigante 

Oh no. WCW are billing this as the “battle of the giants” but Gang isn’t a giant, he’s just fat. Gigante sends an army of midgets after Kevin Sullivan so he can fight someone his own size for a change. Suffice to say, this match is bad. Gigante cannot wrestle at all. He’s too big and too immobile. He also works really softly as he’s probably scared of hurting someone. Watching him attempt to sell is quite sad. He’s clearly the worst wrestler in the world at this point. Gigante wins with a clothesline to the back of the head after Kevin Sullivan’s ‘strange powder’ gets kicked in Gang’s face. -**. Just awful pro wrestling here. I don’t understand how anyone could watch El Gigante wrestle and think “yes, let’s do that again”. Amazingly, this isn’t the worst match on this show. 

 

Russian Chain match: 

Nikita Koloff vs. Sting 

I’ve been watching the TV leading into this, and it looked like they could have a barnburner here. However, the chain/strap match is a bad gimmick. At least they’ve not on a scaffold. This is a pleasantly heated affair with the crowd willing to support the Stinger in this feud. It is a good little brawl, only hampered by the gimmick. The only time the gimmick pays off is when a staggered Koloff gets the chain pulled up between his legs for the nut shot. The trouble with collecting turnbuckles is that it really takes the steam out of proceedings. The finish is rubbish with Randy Anderson playing loose with the rules of the match. “Because neither man can stop momentum, we’re still at two” says Tony, pretending to understand what’s happening.  

Momentum gets broken repeatedly and usually in this sort of match, that would mean a reset on the count. Sting jumps Koloff from behind and Nikita falls face first into the buckles to win. Jesus. This just makes Sting look stupid. The crowd chant “bullshit” but they quickly brawl some more to cheer up the rubes. ** 

 

Nikita Koloff quit around a month later to open a gym. He will return in 1992 for one final run.  

 

Video Control takes us to comms while the crew set the cage up. Oh, putting a huge lull in the action right before the main event? What could possibly happen with a pissed off crowd in this situation? “WE WANT FLAIR!” It starts quietly but is soon drowning out comms and Ross has a moment where he thinks about acknowledging it but knows he can’t or Jim Herd will be on his ass about it.  

 

WCW Championship 

Barry Windham vs. Lex Luger 

With Flair having left, the belt is vacant. Both guys get into the ring to loud chants of “WE WANT FLAIR!” They pan around the fans and they’re all chanting “WE WANT FLAIR!” This is going well. WCW is torn between turning the sound down because they don’t want us to hear the chants and turning it back up because the fans are quite loud, and it makes them look more popular.  

 

Both guys understand they need to put on a good match here because the crowd are already on the edge of shitting on this. The effort is appreciated, and the crowd cut them some slack as they do a lot of counters and clever stuff. The crowd drift in and out of the action, and the odd ripples of Flair chants are always there. Windham does a bang up job of making Lex look like a big powerhouse champion. He bumps around a lot for Luger. They have a cool spot where Windham escapes the Rack by kicking off the cage. Some thought has gone into this.  

 

Harley Race and Mr Hughes come down to the ring. You can sense a screwy finish. Windham gets distracted, and Luger drills Barry with a piledriver for the win and a HUGE pop. It’s actually a heel turn, but the crowd doesn’t realise that because it wasn’t at all obvious.  

Speaking of obvious; that’s obviously not the WCW world title. Anyway, Luger gets the belt, finally, only for WCW to get obsessed with having a heel champ and the run bombed and he’d end up in the WBF*. ***. Decent match, especially considering the environment, but predictably the booking sucked. 

 

*World Bodybuilding Federation. Another Vince expansion idea that fell flat on its face. Mainly for two reasons; 1. No one wants to see a bunch of oiled muscleheads posing and 2. WWF was in the midst of the George Zahorian steroid scandal.  

 

Cage Match: 

Rick Steiner & Missy Hyatt vs. Arn Anderson & Paul E Dangerously 

This was never going to happen as the Maryland State Athletic Commission won’t allow intergender matches. In order to cover for this they have the Hardliners abduct Missy. She can be heard screaming “I took a shower for this?????” 

They briefly look like they’re going to have an actual match. A madness. Steinerline puts Paul E away, and that’s the show, folks! “Glad we don’t have any more matches here Tony” shoots JR.  

 

The 411: 

At the time this was the “worst PPV of all time”. I actually think Wrestlemania IV might be worse. At least this show has one good match. Albeit ruined by the booking. “Ruined by the booking” is a common theme. Two of the matches here are insanely bad though. The scaffold match was a disaster. El Gigante vs One Man Gang is a crime. It’s a bad show. I think we can all agree on that. Is it one of the worst, ever? Because it held that distinction for quite some time.  

 

Heroes of Wrestling, the 1999 aberation, probably has that honour sewn up thanks to Jake Roberts’ drunken performance on that show. UWF’s Blackjack Brawl (1994) is a contender. Far worse than anything Herb was doing in 1991. Several of WWE’s cash grab Saudi shows have been worse than this. King of the Ring 1995 definitely stinks. WCW’s 2000 run had some epic shit on it. ECW revival show December to Dismember is worse than this. WCW Uncensored ‘95 is worse than this.  

 

Time has been kind to the once lauded “worst PPV”, Great American Bash ‘91. The protest chanting isn’t even that bad compared to some later WWE crowds where they completely took over. It’s still bad though. I’m not recommending this and it’ll be in the running for worst show of 1991.