GWF Super Card (7.8.91) 

 

July 8, 1991 (Taped: June 28, 1991) 

 

I’ve never seen Global apart from one Jerry Lynn vs. Lightning Kid match on a comp tape. Otherwise, I’ve seen nothing. There’s LOADS of Global on YouTube though so, fuck it, let’s gooooooo. Hosts are Craig Johnson & Scott Hudson. Johnson looks like a corporate RJ City. Hudson looks like he’s going bald. Craig has a bad habit of turning towards Hudson and exposing his profile. Urgh.  

Just two guys who want to sell you a used car and the brakes definitely don’t work.  

 

Amazingly, this is the TV block in full, including the adverts. Meaning we get a strangely racist sounding Simpsons/Butterfinger ice cream bars crossover. Someone get CM Punk on the line!  

 

Video Control gives us clips of Billy Black vs. Brian Adias. The latter was prominent in Dallas until that territory died. Billy Black is ok, which makes him the better of the two. He wins and advances in the tournament. We then get clips of Randy Rhodes vs. Sweet Daddy Falcone. Randy looks EXACTLY like Dusty Rhodes. Squint and you’d think it was him. Randy wins with a bulldog. We move on to Stan Lane vs. Patriot (Del Wilkes). Stan Lane is giving me big “I’ve given up on pro-wrestling” vibes. Jim Cornette gets involved, but Patriot runs them together and wins with a roll up. We then get clips of El Fantasma vs. Bill Irwin. I’ll give Global props. They’re utilising a lot of different people from different backgrounds. “They don’t have whips in lucha libre” says comms as Irwin strikes Fantasma in the ribs with a whip. They have Irish whips.  

 

Terry Garvin vs. Zebra Kid 

This Zebra Kid is Eric Fontaine, not the UK version. It’s just a guy in a mask. “From parts unknown”. Garvin was a mainstay in Global, which just meant no one else was interested. He’s a weird looking dude in pink tights and penchant for drawing cheap face reactions. The standard of wrestling here is abysmal. It’s like watching Al Snow wrestle Al Snow in a mask. Terry Garvin is fucking terrible at pro wrestling. Zebra Kid at least connects on his strikes. Garvin finishes with a decent DDT and comms tell us Zebra Kid is “off to the glue factory”. HAHA. I’ve found my worst promotion of 1991, guys. DUD  

 

A massive fat guy (Joe Pedicino) in a red suit interviews Big Bully Busick. The pathetic design here is to get the crowd to chant “Mario” at Busick because he looks like a plumber? Rubbish. He looks like an extra from the Robert Downey Jr Sherlock Holmes movie.  

 

Muchan Singh vs. Terry Daniels 

The onscreen graphic for Makhan Singh reads “Muchan”. They call him “Norman” on comms because it’s Norman the Lunatic. It takes about five seconds to make me realise why WCW never let Norman talk. “I went back to my roots of the world”. Jesus, this guy fucking sucks. Comms try to make sense of WCW booking. Haha, I wouldn’t bother lads. Terry Daniels takes a few decent bumps, including a slam out on the stage. He is very dramatic though. DRAMATIC! Norman wins with the Karachi Crunch (Krunch?), which is a clothesline in the corner. I quite liked Daniels here, but Singh is just dogshit and there’s no disguising it. -* 

 

Doug Somers vs. Chris Walker 

Comms have a massive hard on for the muscular Chris Walker. He’s not THAT jacked guys. Settle down. Somers looks a bit like Dustin Rhodes here. Comms spend the whole match GLAZING Walker. Telling us he’s experienced, talented and jacked up. One of those is true. He sure likes doing headlocks. He feels like a throwback because he’s so slow and boring. Comms continue the verbal blowjob telling us Walker is very popular with the ladies. Somers tries to get Walker pissed off to get things moving and Walker is steaming mad so he does…another headlock. Does he actually know how to do anything else? Comms tells us they’ve been going 4-5 minutes and it’s clearly longer than that. Based on the headlocks, I was thinking about 45 minutes. Walker finishes with a crossbody off the ropes and midget Sid Justice moves on in the tournament. DUD 

 

I should probably mention what this tournament is for; it’s for the GWF TV title. It’s a new title for a new company, so they’re running a tournament. The promotion was created by Max Andrews and Joe Pedicino. The concept was turning the USWA into a “Global” promotion by introducing wrestlers from other countries. Hence El Fantasma and Pakistani wrestler Norman the Lunatic. Running in Dallas was brave but at the time it looked like there was a hole in the market there after the demise of World Class.  

 

Video Control gives us another Makhan Singh promo. Fuck me, was one not enough? Rip Rogers joins in here. Oh no. Boni Blackstone has Jeff Gaylord for an interview. Boni was married to big fat fuck Joe Pedicino. Big Joe is 15 years older than Boni and hyper obese. How did he manage that?  

 

Rip Rogers vs. The Hitman 

The Hitman is Cuban Assassin Dave Sierra, under one of his many, many masked gimmicks. The run of awful matches continues here with another awful wrestler (Rip) the centre of attention. Why did they have so many bad workers? Rip goes up top, perches up there, looks to see if Hitman is ready (he is…and has been for a while), continues to perch, thinks about it, gees himself up, checks Hitman is in position again…and hits a dive. WOW, I never saw that dive coming. OUTTA NOWHERE. A literal demonstration of exposing the business caught on tape. They do the same spot again and, again, it takes AGES only this time Rip just doesn’t do the dive. What? What is this shit? Rip wins with a DDT and with Garvin/Zebra Kid, the finish looked ok, but the rest of the match stunk. -* 

 

Video Control gives us an interview from Joe Pedicino with “Axel” Rotten. He cuts a promo in a loud American accent, which I think is supposed to be an English accent. It’s not. At all.  

 

The 411: 

I can now see why Global is not talked about very much. They focused on four matches here but specifically four wrestlers GWF wanted to represent the promotion. Flamboyant babyface Terry Garvin, who’s not very good. Jacked up meathead Chris Walker, who’s quite bad. Former Norman the Lunatic, turned Pakistani, Makhan Singh, who’s really bad. And finally Rip Rogers. Not exactly the Four Pillars of Heaven, is it?