ACTION DEAN~!!! (4.4.24) review 

 

April 4, 2024 

 

WRESTLEMANIA WEEK REVIEW #10  

 

Source: Independent Wrestling.TV ($10 per month) 

 

We’re in Williamstown, New Jersey at the H20 building. Dean Rasmussen was an iconic reviewer. He loved pro-wrestling and in all forms. Back in the days of tape trading, I’d eagerly read what Dean had been watching in the Death Valley Driver Video Review. If Dean liked it, it was good shit. He opened eyes and minds of an entire generation of wrestling fans to a world beyond their normal televised content. Of crazy named luchadores and hard-hitting Japanese folks. He consumed tapes and instead of giving blow by blow accounts of the contents, would simplify his thoughts into paragraphs about entire shows. I wish I had his ability to explore, passion for different cultures and succinctness of prose. Dean Rasmussen was truly one of a kind. I considered doing this entire review in his style, but I know I couldn’t live up to his work. 

 

NANIWA~!!!  

 

ACTION World Championship 

Alex Kane (c) vs. Colby Corino  

Colby has totally won me over this weekend. He did a show that was all headlocks the other night and he’s “tired” and aims to repeat that feat. Tope con headlock reemerges. I respect the headlock gimmick and he’s able to do a bulldog because that’s technically a headlock. Colby even does an Air Raid Crash, because that’s also, technically, a headlock. Good lad. Kane drops him on his dome, sadly, and there are no more headlocks to enjoy. The headlock can only take you so far, brrrrrrother. **¾ 

 

Good Hand (Kevin Ryan, Suge D & Tyler Stevens) vs. Amboss (Laurance Roman & Robert Dreissker) & O’Shay Edwards 

Amboss are due to fight each other in wXw but they’re just here as generic babyfaces. Edwards is an odd partner for them. There wasn’t another Euro guy knocking around? Suge tries, and fails, to armdrag Edwards because he’s HENCH. The heels isolate Roman for heat and it’s so hard to draw heat nowadays in formula tag but with a guy who the crowd don’t even know? Virtually impossible. Poor choice. 

 

The match just makes no sense. Dreissker isn’t on the apron when they pull Edwards off to prevent the hot tag. Why? Dreissker gets the hot tag and he’s a big beefy boy. DEAN~!!! Would have approved. O’Shay then finishes with a CRAZY MOONSAULT. FUCK YES! Big boys doing big things.  

 

Rob Killjoy & White Mike vs. Kevin Ku & Dominic Garrini  

Having got a big pop for being a surprise, Violence are Forever proceed to do nothing and let Garrini get his ass kicked for ages. Ku gets the hot tag and that’s a goddamn hot tag because he comes in 150mph. I couldn’t run that fast if my life depended on it. It breaks down and they start CHOPPING THE BEJESUS OUT OF EACH OTHER. Backdrop piledriver on Killjoy finishes as Robert dies for our sins, like Jesus did last week. Speaking of Jesus, we’re about to get some Easter-style BLOODSHED. 

 

Tank & Jaden Newman vs. Manders & Tom Lawlor 

Er, lads, I have bad news for you. The death match canvas is out. One, or several of you, are about to be covered in more blood than the punters are Carrie’s prom. Of course Tank is out here so he’ll start bleeding at the drop of a hat. Doesn’t even need to be his hat. Any hat. He sees a straw boater blow across the Thames at the Boat Race he just bleeds uncontrollably. Manders killed it in 16 Carat and he’s out here trying to be Stan Hansen. By god, if he starts working like Stan, I have a new favourite wrestler.  

We brawl around a bit until Tank and Manders pop open a few beers. Tank doesn’t like the beer. I bet he’s a Pabst Blue Ribbon guy. He’s certainly a blading on camera guy. Tank and Manders headbutt each other to oblivion IN THE NAME OF DEAN~!!! Tank, the gigantic, ancient, bald gorilla can’t move but he can bleed and slap the Funk Spinning Toehold on pesky young whippersnappers. Manders accidentally kills Lawlor with a lariat and Tank ends up beating Manders. Result aside, this was surprisingly good. Chaotic, bloody and fun.  

 

3 Flippy Guys (Bobby Flaco, Brayden Toon & Rico Gonzalez) vs. 3 Big Motherfuckers (Danny Demanto, Hoodfoot & Isaiah Broner) 

We switch back to normal canvas. I hope this is a bloodbath.  

The big guys ask which of these flippy boys wants to go through a table (well, door, who’s counting). This goes exactly how I like it. The flippy guys get KILLED with big slams and chops and lariats and shit. It’s a good job this show doesn’t have a funeral feel because we’re going to need to put Bobby Flaco in the fucking ground next week. He’s getting murderised out there. Toon, playing honorary flippy guy, takes a cutter by planting himself head first into the canvas. He’s also dead. Gonzalez tags in so Demanto piledrives him into the next life. Just pin one of them. They’re all corpses. Out of nowhere Flaco hits a diving cutter on Broner for the win. Bobby Flaco spent the whole of this match getting beaten worse than the Cincinati Bengals in the 1980s.  

 

Dr Cerebro vs. Gringo Loco 

Cerebro is both older and shorter than me. 2-0 Furious. He’s also afraid to show his face because of his hideous looks. That’s probably not true. Every luchadore who gets unmasked ends up being insanely handsome and I’m like WHY WOULD YOU COVER SUCH BEAUTY. Cerebro’s mask doesn’t cover his brain though, which is visible through it. Cerebro, the cheeky motherfucker, does the handshake thing and MATADORES LOCO PAST HIM. “What the fuck is up with this guy man?” He’s implying you’re a big clumsy bull, sir. Cerebro is calm for a minute and then BOOM, TOPE SUICIDA!!! He used that big brain of his. That big juicy brain smashed into Gringo Loco’s face. Should we go back to the death match canvas? I fear blood is going to start leaking from that open brain cavity. I’m here salivating over that big juicy brain like Steve Martin in the Man with Two Brains. 

Gringo hits a moonsault so wacky and OUTTA CONTROL that he nearly loses his bandana. Gringo starts channelling BIG RUDO ENERGY. His cocky pins and rudo mentality angers Cerebro, who tries to break Gringo’s arm and ends up getting disqualified for hitting him with a chair. HAHAHA. So good.  

 

We then re-start NO DQ because WE DON’T HAVE DQS AT DEAN~!!! “I’m gonna kill this motherfucker” – Gringo. DO IT FOR DEAN~!!! Take his life for DEAN~!!! Cerebro gets sick of Loco’s saucy behaviour and ties up all his limbs for the submission. This was all kinds of great. DEAN~!!! Would have approved. ***½  

 

Independent Wrestling World Championship  

Krule (c) vs. Jake Parnell 

Nice to see Warhorse has ditched all the gimmick and is just out here hitting hard and taking names. I’ve never seen Krule before and he is this massive badass motherfucker. It’s a fine example of a dude wearing a mask, which makes him 1000% scarier. He’s been wrestling for 12 years and I’m like, how have I never seen you? Warhorse hits a WACKY OUTTA CONTROL TOPE. That’s after Krule has casually lobbed him into the audience. Krule has that look where if he shouts “MOVE” you amscray, chumps. Krule does some fun murdery stuff, including chokeslamming Parnell off the top. The ref gets bumped, which sucks, but he loses a shoe in the process, which is great. The IWTV guy tries to screw Krule out of the belt but Warhorse refuses and Krule throws a fireball in his face. There’s a lot of bullshit to process here.  

 

Post Match: Jon Gresham runs in to square off with Krule and I guess that’s the next title defence. Gresh is over a foot shorter than Krule. It’s like when Martin Laurence threatens the guy that’s a foot taller than him Bad Boys.  

 

Arez vs. Matt Makowski 

Makowski is coming off a great little match with MAO in the afternoon. He is a bad motherfucker. Arez hits a tope and I’m already happy. If someone hits a lariat we’re really in business. The mat work in this is a delight. Makowski is great down there, but Arez has that slick Mexican mat wrestling skill. Makowski does his Chaos Theory into the armbar spot and gets the tap out. This felt rushed, presumably because the card is bloated.  

 

Adam Priest vs. Slim J 

I’m sure Dean reviewed some Slim J from NWA: Wildside or something. I reviewed my first Slim J match in 2002, if you want to feel old. Or if I want to feel old. Either really. I was young and carefree back then. My knees functioned. Slim J is all about having a fun time at the wrestling. Wicked smooth lucha style counters combined with a playful urge to make the referee slap Priest by pushing his hand.  

 

Priest ruins my fun, that Crash Holly looking motherfucker, by taking over. Just let us have our Slim J match, man. Don’t spoil the moment. Luckily Slim J takes great bumps too, like the little pirouette one he manages from a piledriver. It doesn’t look as stupid as it sounds. Slim J’s comeback has a few great switch hitter clotheslines. Hitting clotheslines like Chipper Jones. Priest busts out a sensational counter to a guillotine choke. I’m giggling at the potential decapitation. Slim J wins anyway so we can go home happy, even if his head is hanging on BY A THREAD after that spot.  

 

Sinner and Saint (Judas Icarus & Travis Williams) vs. Wasted Youth (Austin Luke & Marcus Mathers) 

We got four hungry young dudes out here, desperate for the spotlight. The trouble with doing these million miles an hour tags is the whole weekend is CHOCK FULL of them and it’s hard to make one stand out. There’s nothing wrong with the work and the in-ring is way better here than in a lot of the other spot-heavy tags and scrambles. Where it does impress is when the Canucks work over Austin Luke, but they make the mistake of rushing through that into the hot tag. In having a shorter match, they’re cursed to ‘get their shit in’. AND THEY HAVE SO MUCH DELICIOUS SHIT! Wait, no, disregard. Mathers finishes with a 450 Splash. They certainly worked hard here. This would have stood out better as the main event of a smaller Indie show. 

 

Dog Collar Match 

Demus vs. Mad Dog Connolly 

DEMUS? ZONA 23 IN THE HOUSE! Is he confused by the lack of wrecked cars in the venue? Where’s the broken pickup truck we do dives from? Mad Dog hits Demus in the face with the chain BEFORE THEY’VE LOCKED UP. Ohhh, he’s busted open. They flail wildly into the audience and a guy in the front row takes a clothesline off his chair. Oh fuck! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! Eamonn nearly ends up with Demus in his lap. He looks really happy about it.  

Mad Dog launches a bin at Demus’ head and hits another fan in the front row. HAHA. This is so good. Demus tries to take his t-shirt off but he’s wearing a dog collar so it doesn’t go very far so he chokes Connolly with it. THERE’S A FUCKING CHAIN, RIGHT THERE. Demus cannot be told what to do. The brawling around ring in this reminds me of the halcyon days of FCP in the Fixxion. Where you had to move out of the way or you were getting a wrestler in your lap, but the building was tiny so…help???  

 

There’s blood everywhere here and Connolly starts throwing haymakers. I think the finish goes AWOL as Connolly tries to choke Demus with the chain and can’t, so he gets a triangle instead. This was AWESOME. Absolute bloody carnage. **** 

 

Daniel Makabe vs. Timothy Thatcher 

The epic best of three series is now extended to 2-2. We’re at match five.  

Thatcher has his BUSINESS FACE on. In a great call back to previous matches, Makabe now has his OWN SCARF. It’s like a sign that he’s reached that same level. Tim is the first guy to start imposing his will on the match by stepping on Dan’s head and then grappling his face. Next up is him MANGLING Makabe’s wrist. Timo means business. Tim comes in with a taped ankle, which Makabe has seen (not sure how, he’s blind).  

I love how they get a clean break and both guys go to adjust strapping on their injured legs. Almost like a momentary truce. There isn’t a focus on a body part here, which is fine, because they switch to whatever is available. If Dan leaves his leg out there, Tim goes for it. If Dan gets into mount, he just goes ahead and slaps Thatcher in the face. It’s a FIGHT, ladies and gents.  

 

When Makabe does get to Thatcher’s bad wheel the match feels like it got there organically. Tim forgot to protect it and he’s open. Thatcher uses lifters and Makabe, who has had ENOUGH OF THAT, SIR, stomps the arm. Things, uh, ESCALATE from there. Makabe flat out punches Thatcher in the face. THREE TIMES. No response from Tim. He’s down. He’s done. It’s over. 3-2 Makabe! A late winner. This was beautiful. It’s my current MOTY. ****¼  

 

Post Match: Makabe offers his scarf to Tim Thatcher. That’s some great symbolism. They’ve told an unbelievable five match storyline arc. Makabe sits in the ring and talks about having his breakthrough match at 33 years old. Makabe talking passionately about his life, career and the importance of Dean Rasmussen is beautiful. I’m tearing up.  

 

The 411: 

Show of the weekend. From an emotional point of view, it meant a lot to me. I’m sure Dean was looking down on this one and smiling. Yes, it was way too long, but I had the best time. It’s the first show of the weekend where I wished I’d been there. I wish Mad Dog Connolly had accidentally hit me with a bin.