AF Diary #10
THE PREM FINAL DAY: LIVE
I’ll be commenting on the day as it progresses. As we start out it’s Man Utd or Leicester for the Champion’s League. I have no strong feeling one way or the other. I’d be happy for Ole if Utd got in there because he’s been heavily criticized and it’s not fair to compare him to Ferguson. He’s done better than anyone else they’ve had and given time should do pretty well. The relegation dog fight is one where I’d prefer it if Aston Villa stayed up. Villa are a reasonably big club and a lot of my friends support them. Plus fuck Watford. Get them gone for sacking Nigel Pearson two games before the end of the season. I hope they get done by Luton in the league next year.
- Man Utd 63 (+28 GD)
- Chelsea 63 (+13)
- Leicester 62 (+28)
- Villa 34 (-26)
- Watford 34 (-27)
- Bournemouth 31 (-27)
Arsenal 1 Watford 0. Haha, get fucked.
Bournemouth score at Goodison. That puts them ahead of Watford too but would be behind Villa as they’re still drawing.
2-0 Arsenal. Fuck off Watford! You deserve all of this. Rumour has it that they sacked Pearson to avoid paying out the million pounds they promised him if they stayed up. Well that backfired didn’t it?
3-0 Arsenal. Bye-bye Watford.
Moises Kean actually scored. Hopefully he beds in better. Bournemouth were doomed before today even started. They’re a good club though. They’re organised and should come back up.
Arsenal 3 Watford 1. Surely not.
Leicester and Man Utd drawing. Only really helps Man Utd as Chelsea are winning 2-0 against Wolves. Arsenal beating Watford, which saves Villa who are 0-0 with West Ham. Manchester Utd and Chelsea into the CL. Watford and Bournemouth down.
This isn’t as exciting as it could have been. Starting to think it wasn’t worth doing.
Penalty to Man Utd and holy shit Arsenal 3 Watford 2. Oh no. Of all the teams to make a miracle comeback. Fernandes tucks the pen away and Utd lead 1-0 and are into CL next year.
3-1 Bournemouth. You can always rely on Everton to roll over and play dead on the final day with nothing at stake. Could there be late drama with Villa or Watford?
Villa score! That could be the final nail in the Bournemouth and Watford coffins. Little Jackie Grealish has got the job done.
West Ham score. Scratch the above comments. It’s going to the wire. We’re into stoppage time.
Villa draw. It’s enough as long as Watford don’t score two late goals against Watford. Jesse Lingard nicks a late second for Man Utd and they’re joined by Chelsea in the Champion’s League.
It’s over at the Emirates. Watford are down. Looking forward to a heated rivalry with Luton Town next year, no doubt.
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
Sonic. What a little twat he is. At one point he asks his only friend (James Marsden) what his hopes and dreams are and when Marsden’s Tom opens his heart and expresses his desires to be a cop in the big city what does Sonic do? Does he encourage his friend? No. He has a proper go at Tom and accuses him of betrayal. What a little blue asshole. Why even ask the question Sonic, ya fucking prick?
Sonic is supposed to be the hero of the piece but I’m really not feeling it. It’s his arrogance and stupidity that result in him being sent to Earth in the first place. He’s a cocky little shit. Then, because he can’t handle isolation, draws attention to himself once again. I don’t feel like at any point he’s a good role model for kids.
The script is awful too. Absolute horseshit. It would be virtually unwatchable if it wasn’t for Jim fuckin’ Carrey. He knows Sonic is a pile of shit. He knows it’s a complete waste of everybody’s time but he also knows his kid loves Sonic. So he’s here to chew the scenery on this motherfucker. Every scene he’s out here to steal it. Everyone else is just collecting a pay cheque and watching on in awe.
Ben Schwartz does an ok job as Sonic’s voice. It carries just enough weight but mostly conveys his sense of innocence. Marsden sleep walks through it. So does Tika Sumpter, although neither of them have much to do apart from gawk at Carrey or pretend to care about a non-existent blue hedgehog. All hail Jim Carrey then. Taking this waste of time and at least making it slightly worthwhile. I feel asleep twice. **
As I left you last time out Brian Hates-Liverpool had gone to Bayern Munich and as a result resigned as Dortmund manager with Jimmy Football. I consider two teams in the same league to be a conflict of interests even trying to avoid interfering with the other team so hey, he’s had to leave. Bayern is an excellent chance to win everything in Germany and clean up in Europe as well. This left Jimmy Football without a job. The Benfica job was still open but I couldn’t apply for it because the deadline had passed, or something, and Laurent Blanc had it away. But what’s this? A job interview?
No offence but that’s Brian Hates-Liverpool’s sloppy seconds and I’ve finished Spain. I’ve completed it mate. Barca did an easy double. There’s nothing to prove there. I appreciate it, honestly I do, but no. Then Bruno Genesio decided to leave PSG to manage my old club Borussia Dortmund. I am interested in taking over PSG? Of course. It’s a bloody trope. It’s a pisstake club (who won the league because two other teams bottled it last year). Meanwhile Diego Simeone leaves Inter, who I had a fierce rivalry with when I was at Juve, for Barca. Can I get the Inter job? I missed out on Serie A by a point. Still need that.
So I had a choice in the end. Either PSG or Inter. I opted for PSG. The reasoning is quite simple. I reckon I can do the double in one season and then fuck off somewhere else. The least amount of time I spend in France the better. No offence to any French people but that Montpellier season was not my idea of a good time.
Part of the charm of my FM save is having to compete against Man City, who’ve become somewhat formidable. How formidable?
This formidable. Real are still one of the top teams in Spain. The Spanish league is still rated as highly as the Premier League. However Man City have gathered this insane squad of players that it’s near enough impossible to deal with. I’ve played them twice. Once at Anderlecht where I was massacred and once with Barca where it was tight in the second game but they won the first so convincingly that it was already over.
Anyway, I’ve played a few months into the 2033-34 season and here is how it’s going.
Bayern are basically robots. Automatons designed to get a ball into a net at any cost. They don’t react to press conferences. They don’t react to team talks. They don’t need much in the way of managing. They just turn up and win.
It’s not been perfect but having managed a team in the Bundesliga it’s a league that can easily be dominated by Bayern. Currently four points clear, with a game in hand on second placed Stuttgart. Dortmund haven’t lost yet but they also draw loads of games 0-0 because the manager is a defence-minded asshole (Bruno Genesio, the twat from PSG). I bet the fans can’t stand him. Champion’s League there was a minor complication away at Napoli but otherwise an easy enough qualification for the knock outs.
This on the other hand.
I’ve used the schedule screen to show how badly it’s going. The competitions screen looks strangely fine. Only one win in November. This has coincided with one of the central midfielders getting injured but there has also been a mess of players desperate for first team football that’s caused needless switching around. Troyes was a massive bottle job. PSG were 2-0 up at half-time and somehow threw that away. The team talk was literally “don’t get complacent”. They come out for the second half and what do I see next to everyone’s name? “COMPLACENT”. Dickheads. Look at that list of results though. Ten wins in a row and then one win from seven? What the fuck lads?
According to the squad dynamics screen there are seven unhappy players although Mexican AMC Teodoro Morales is on there twice because he wants a move AND he wants a move to Torino, which I rejected, because they pay higher wages. Dressing room atmosphere? Very poor, readers. Very poor. My assistant blames this on “we have a wide range of ages amongst the players”. What does that even mean? Are you blaming the failure on an 18 year old playing because the previous manager (Bruno Genesio, twat) was obsessed with defensive football and had no other central midfield players? Is it because I nicknamed the left back Super Mario because I couldn’t pronounce his surname? It’s “Oubaha” in case you were interested.
So, I’ve decided to drop down to one manager after the World Cup finals, where Argentina and Spain will be represented. Incidentally England failed to qualify but Scotland and Northern Ireland got in. The England gaffer, one Stevie G…no that’s too obvious, let’s call him S. Gerrard, was fired for his failure. My hope is that I can clinch leagues in France and Germany and leave the one gaffer with less to do. However, which manager will depart? I’ve decided whoever has the higher Hall of Fame score gets to stay. Current scores;
Jimmy Football 1096
Brian Hates-Liverpool 1022
It’s close and Brian, with Bayern, has the better shot at a successful conclusion to the season. It’s exciting. I’ll keep you updated!
As for upgrading to a newer version of the game, I will do so when FM21 comes out. Until then I’m continuing on FM19 and trying to bag as many trophies as possible.