March 29, 2023

FM Pentagon 13: Lucky for Some  

Pentagon 13: Lucky for Some  


Last time out I switched from Porto to Newcastle and snuck into the Champion’s League via the back door of the Europa League. Now, we have some serious money to spend. £205M. Players are interested. Let’s make some moves. I need a new spine for my team. I had issues at goalkeeper, centre back, central midfield and striker.  



Joao Roberto (Leicester, £27M) – my old keeper from Paderborn. He’s gotten significantly better.  

Leandro Serrao (Man Utd, £75M) – I told you Man Utd might sell players. Serrao is one of the best players I’ve seen in this save. He’s 25, plays regularly in central midfield for Brazil and fucking fucks.  

Mauricio Silvero (Southampton, £75M) – I needed a centre back. This guy is naturally left sided, should partner up with Minall perfectly. He’s already elite.  

Joe Williams (West Ham, £62M) – a new striking legend in the making. Joe is great at everything you need for an advanced forward.  

Malcolm Boxall (Man City, £2.5M) – this guy is legitimately an excellent midfielder, dirt cheap.  

Hector Guajardo (Monterrey, £11.5M) – I wasn’t going to buy anyone else but this guy became available on the cheap. He’s a great centre back but can also play centre mid. Part of the great Mexico squad in this save. Seriously, they had a generation of unbelievable wonderkids come through.  

Nic Reguera (Arsenal, £22.5M) – while figuring out what my CL squad would be I realised I didn’t have a natural left winger. This guy is that. He wants squad player too, so he’s not desperate to play ahead of Mellado. He’ll just add to our squad.  

Giuseppe Salari (Bayer Leverkusen, £20M) – Having sold Okera, and still waiting on my Brazilian right back who I loaned back until mid-season to Brazil, I needed full back cover. He can play either side.  


HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE I SPENT HERE? Like…about £270M give or take.  



Irving Reyes (Valencia, £21M) – my third-choice right winger. Hardly kicked a ball last season. Is nowhere near good enough.  

Gabriel Silva (Barcelona, £31M) – He kept giving the ball away. In a two-man midfield, that’s not ideal. He never tracked runners either. Turned an actual profit here.  

Tariq Lamptey (Atletico Madrid, £15M) – refused to sign a new deal, goes for a cut price fee after he turned down a move to Almeria for £19M. Thanks, jackass.  

Curtis Jones (Chelsea, £20M) – He played twice last season. He has “regular starter” as his playing time. He’s maybe my sixth-choice central midfielder. His contract allows him to trouser £3M of this fee himself. Do I dislike him because he played for Liverpool? Hmm.  

Gavin Bazunu (Roma, LOAN – £40M future fee) – in typical Italian fashion this £40M is spread over like five years but it is £40M.  

Klebao (Internacional, loan) – He needs game time to progress. I do like him though, and I hope I don’t regret this!  

Igor Ivanov (Rennes, loan – optional fee £30M+add ons) – He’s a central midfielder who cannot defend. Always mentally thinking about cashing in on him. Newcastle paid £48M for him.  

Okera Molyneaux (Schalke, £40M) – Was back up left back last year. It’s £40M. He’s 23 and I quite like him but it’s still £40M. Helps balance the books.  

Danilo (Milan, £21.5M) – I was going to keep him around as a backup but we don’t really need him, and he’s gone on a free in the summer anyway.  

Juan Torres (Frankfurt, £10.75M) – A distant second in my keepers, constantly bitching about his playing time.  

Morato (Al-Hilal, £20M) – regular starter last year but is on loads of money and isn’t great. I thought Al-Hilal had overpaid for him until I found out Newcastle paid £34M for him. Magpie tax.  


After saying that Serrao was one of the best players in the world, I thought I’d compile an actual top ten: 


  1. Francisco Falcao. Plays for PSG. Is essentially the complete midfielder. Everything that you could possibly need as a midfielder is green on his attributes. He has 20 vision and 20 agility. Plus 19 flair, 19 decisions, 19 off the ball. Unbelievable player. Will never leave PSG sadly.  
  2. Erling Haaland. 32. Still at Man City. You know how good he is on this game. He’s not lost anything.  
  3. Javier Areso. How did Man Utd not qualify for the Champion’s League with this guy? He’s a versatile midfielder. Like Falcao only not quite as good. Vision 19, decisions 19 etc, etc. Offered Man Utd the chance to liberate him and they want £300M.  
  4. Brian Aguilera. Leicester’s diamond. The guy who got them second in the league last year and won the FA Cup. He is a physical specimen. He also has finishing 18, composure 19. I shudder to think how many goals he would score for us. I offered them £100M and it got turned down flat. Their requested fee is £235M.  
  5. Georges Toukam. Man City’s ball playing central defender. His mentals are unreal for a defender. Bravery 18, anticipation 17, concentration 17, everything 17.  
  6. Ousmane Rashad. He’s just gone to Spurs and scares me a bit. Right winger with only pace 14 but all his mentals are like 16+.  
  7. Kim Dong-Hyuk. Also at Spurs. This guy has terrifying wing abilities. Pace 19, composure 19, agility 18. A mischief. Has no traits, because Spurs are stupid. PSG want him.  
  8. Leandro Serrao. This is where I reckon he sits on the pantheon. Vision 20, determination 19. Also quick and a brilliant passer.  
  9. Youssoufa Moukoko. Yep. Shockingly still at Dortmund. Worth £250M.  
  10. Vini Jr. Just edges Mbappe, who’s getting a bit old and deteriorating.  


Falcao is a cheat code. Everyone else is just excellent. Getting one excellent player, for a cut price fee, is a big win for us.  


A funny moment when the draw was made for the UEFA Super Cup. We’re playing Bayer Leverkusen. The last time I checked on the Champion’s League, Leverkusen were in the semis. Turns out they knocked Arsenal out and then beat Man City on penalties. 2033 and Man City still haven’t won the Champion’s League. Sadly, the same cannot be said for PSG who’ve won four of the bloody things. Other CL winners include Atletico Madrid and Roma.  


In other wacky in-game business; Roberto Martinez quit the Spain job to take over at Man Utd. Spain hired Mikkel Arteta! There’s more managerial merry-go-round than last year! Arteta lasted nearly 14 years at Arsenal. Never won the league. 4xFA Cups, 3xCarabao Cups. Arsenal replace him with Massimiliano Allegri. In my save he’s Real Madrid manager. If I wasn’t already at a club I thought could win the Champion’s League, I would go in for that. Where I would probably come unstuck is that I’m only a four-star rated manager and Real is a five-star job.  


Another little bit for you here. I’m going to look up the current Premier League managers to see where they are, and also who is currently in charge at that club ten years from now!  


ARSENAL. Mikkel Arteta was here for 13+ years before leaving. Now Allegri takes over. 

ASTON VILLA. Unai Emery was fired second season. He went on to manage Liverpool, Roma and currently Chelsea. Talk about bouncing back! The current Villa boss is Slovak Adrian Gula. IRL Gula manages Dunajska Streda. He joined Palace before Villa. Aston Villa also hired Antonio Conte, Ruud van Nistelrooij and Gareth Southgate. 

BRENTFORD. Thomas Frank retired in 2025. He was replaced by Jacob Neestrup who lasted 4 years. Current boss is Vincent Kompany. He’s been there for 4 years. 

CHELSEA. Graham Potter lasted until 2031 before being sacked. He’s at Lyon now. Such a Potter move. Unai Emery is in charge of first team affairs.  

EVERTON. In game Frank Lampard survived until 2030. He had a brief spell at Sunderland before being fired and is now unemployed. Subsequent managers are Jacob Neestrup, Luigi Di Biagio and Alexander Frei.  

FULHAM. Marco Silva made it to 2026. He was sacked and now manages at Premier League Stoke City. Fulham have sacked three managers since then; Marco Giampaolo, Paco Jemez and Stefan Goshev. Current boss is Nikolay Ninov. He manages in Bulgaria IRL.  

LEEDS. Jesse Marsch survived in game until 2027 and was replaced by Thomas Tuchel who got sacked after a year. Javi Calleja took over and is still there 4 years on. Calleja currently manages Levante IRL.  

LEICESTER. Ange Postecoglu is in charge here and has been for 9 years. In 2032 Leicester won the Carabao Cup. FA Cup a year later and finished P2 in the league. Brendan Rodgers left to join Spurs in 2024, got sacked, was unemployed for 2 years and made a dramatic return at Bayer Leverkusen where he won the Champion’s League and left to manage Real Madrid! What a fucking career that is.  

MAN CITY. Pep Guardiola quit in 2023 to manage Atletico Madrid. He quit there to manage Milan, where he’s won three scuddetti in a row. He was replaced by Diego Simeone (they just did a bloody job switch). Even more ridiculous is he quit to go back to Atletico Madrid when Pep left. He was replaced by Jurgen Klopp. Old wooden teeth lasted until 2032 when he quit to join the German national team. The current City boss is Julian Nagelsmann.  

MAN UTD. Erik ten Hag lasted until 2029. He’s gone to Tottenham. The Spurs connection continues with Poch taking over in 2029. He was fired in 2033. Roberto Martinez has failed upwards into the position.  

NEWCASTLE. Eddie Howe went in 2026. He took some time off before managing Celtic and currently is in charge at Atletico Madrid. David Guion replaced him but quit to manage France. He was replaced by Julien Stephan, who quit to manage France (no, really!). Julian Nageslmann bucked the trend by quitting to manage Man City and Luis Enrique was just shit and got fired. 

NOTTS FOREST. Steve Cooper was fired first season. He’s gone on to manage Sunderland, Stoke, Preston and Sheffield Wednesday. Forest replaced him with Roberto De Zerbi, Andy Reid, Andre Villas-Boas and David Buchel. Never heard of him? He’s a newgen!  

QPR. I know they aren’t a real Premier League team but they’re great in this save and are currently managed by Pepe Reina.  

SOUTHAMPTON. Patrick Vieira is here. He quit Palace to manage France (a common theme). Also worked at Marseille, Napoli and Hertha Berlin before bizarrely choosing to drop down to Southampton. Ralph Hassenhuttl quit management after Southampton and is now a scout for Chelsea.  

TOTTENHAM. Antonio Conte is now retired after a rollercoaster management career including Aston Villa, Crystal Palace, Switzerland and Austria. And yes, he quit Switzerland to manage Austria. Prior to ten Hag other Spurs managers have included Brendan Rodgers, Ruud van Nistelrooij, Thomas Tuchel and Dieter Hecking.  

WEST HAM. David Moyes was sacked almost immediately in my save and has retired. Sadly he didn’t take the Uzbekistan job this time around. West Ham have gone through a LOT of managers; Ronald Koeman, Roberto Mancini, Alfred Schreuder, Gareth Southgate, Jacob Neestrup, Elyaniv Barda, Alexander Frei and have settled on Andy Reid. The longest anyone has lasted is still under 2 years. Koeman even won the Conference League.  

CRYSTAL PALACE. Vieira left in 2024. Replaced by Vincent Kompany, Chris Wilder, Antonio Conte, Adrian Gula, Philip Cocu, Marnix Ongena (!) and finally Niko Ikavalko. IRL he’s a reserves manager in his native Finland.  

BRIGHTON. De Zerbi was sacked first season. He’s just got fired by Torino. He’s also managed Forest and Blackpool. He was replaced by Bruno Lage. The current boss is Matt Bloomfield, who currently manages Colchester IRL.  

WOLVES. Wolves were between managers on this save so they had Steve Davis until 2025. They’ve gone through a bunch since and have a newgen manager called Ben Fraser.  

LIVERPOOL. I messed with Liverpool to remove them from my life. They’re in the National League North and play at the Steven Gerrard Stadium. It’s a dump. Their last known manager was Carlisle player Owen Moxon.  

And because it’s funny, this is how many managers Watford have gone through. Yes, Giovanni von Bronckhorst got fired twice.  


Remember that weird £37M random sponsorship with a “telecommunications company” last season? It happened again! Same value, same company. Newcastle magically finding another sponsor to cover the shortfall between us and the big boys. We ended up turning a massive profit this year because of these random sponsorships that kept dropping in. Saudis eh? 


We kick our season off by winning the UEFA Super Cup, for the second year running, as Europa League champions. It’s a close one as we come from 2-0 down to beat Bayer Leverkusen on penalties. Joe Williams scores both goals and nets a penalty. He’s going to be top scorer this season. I can smell it. We start the season two days later (what maniac created this fixture list?) and I can actually rotate. Having players I can bring in is so good. Last season I was literally resting players from training every single week. Two games in, incidentally, and Joao Roberto has saved two penalties. I was right to sign him.  


Three games into the league season Alexander Isak has 7 goals. Our great start to the season ends abruptly at Arsenal with a 2-0 defeat. Serrao had a knock and only played 17 minutes. We ended up being terrible going forward and Joe Williams clocked a 5.7. Yikes. In the first episode of ‘can we win the Champion’s League this year’ we play Real Madrid away in our first group match.  

The answer is yes. I had to adopt a tweaked formation as Omarion Scott, Alex Isak and Barry Leverington were all injured. I’d left Georginio Rutter out of my CL squad, so Joe Williams played up top on his own with Szoboszlai as a shadow striker. They both played well and scored. Both assists coming from Dylan Mellado playing central midfield. On the same day Zoltan Bognar, my Brisbane youth intake stud, scores the winner for Benfica against Man City. Love you Zolty B!  

So, I spent £322M in the summer and we still lost away to QPR. The pain of football. In this league campaign everyone is beating everyone else. Apart from Chelsea who have only dropped 2 points in 10 games. We get a draw at Stamford Bridge. Joe Williams bagging a hat-trick that takes him past 20 goals for the season in the first weekend of November. He’s going to break some records. Baller.  


Success is tricky in England as you can only register 25 players. The youth players at Newcastle are shit so we’re stuck trying to move these 25 pieces around in a congested fixture list. Do I field a bunch of reserve players to deliberately get knocked out of the Carabao Cup? Yes, yes I do. No regrets. Tempted to do the same to the FA Cup. Look at all the extra Champion’s League matches we have to play. It’s insane.  

If only we could buy extra registration slots! Newcastle have so much money, there should be laws against it. There probably are but we’re too rich for it to work. 16 games into the season and the title race is so close. Chelsea are top, their form imploding in November, with us second, then a cluster of Spurs, West Ham, Man City, Man Utd and Aston Villa. All separated by just four points. It’s hard to see where the main threat is but I’m assuming Man City because it’s always Man City.  

It’s December. Joe Williams is two goals off the Newcastle record for goals in a season. We head into January and the transfer window. There’s been a lot of pressure on certain areas of the field so I add in Gaston Perez, my old mate from Paderborn. I signed him for £10.5M and then the club accepted an offer, which was “too good to turn down” of £6.5M from Arsenal. Idiots. I’ve paid £24M to bring him back into the fold. He’s not an automatic starter but he allows me to rotate my centre backs a bit more. He also frees up Guajardo to be a cover midfielder first and foremost, rather than a second string central defender. Arsenal almost ruined him. He’s two footed, can play either side and is great in the air.  

Amanda gets on the blower and offers me a new deal. It has an FA Cup winning bonus of £325k in it. I remove it and replace it with a £2.2M bonus for winning the Champions League. I’m fleecing them here. Plus, I get an extra 45k on the salary. That’s £2.3M more per annum. My first act is to field a very under-strength team against Bournemouth to get knocked out of the FA Cup in R3. I don’t need that fixture congestion in my life gang. Let’s move on. Spurs pull the exact same shit and get knocked out by Everton. Chelsea and Man City also get knocked out in a dramatic weekend. Man Utd end up winning on penalties in the final, against QPR. 


It’s around mid-January, after an unfortunate 4-2 loss to a very good Tottenham team that I start to question if we can actually win the CL this season. My starting XI has some very good players in it. Serrao is world class. The likes of Joao Roberto (GK), Jack Minall (DC), Mauricio Silvero (DC), Dominic Szoboszlai (MC) and Joe Williams can win a CL. They’re at that level. The full backs, wingers and support striker positions could all use some work if I’m brutally honest. Some of those players have wiggle room in their potential like Dylan Mellado, Giuseppe Salari, Nic Reguera etc. Omarion Scott should be better than he is given his high potential and how he continually fails to grow into it. The good news is that if we don’t win CL this season we get another massive transfer kitty to go again next year.  


January continues with interesting results. The title race appears to be us, Chelsea and Spurs. We beat Man Utd 3-2 in dramatic fashion in the game that gets Roberto Martinez the sack. He lasted 202 days. CL is into the knock outs. We finished P5 and progress to the R16. Some teams eliminated outright include Rennes, Porto, Ajax and Napoli. The likes of Barcelona, Juventus, Atletico, Villa, Chelsea, Arsenal and PSG will all have to play off to make it into the R16.  

Having determined that I can secure a great left back, in Cesar Fernandez, I trigger the release clause of £80M. Unbeknownst to me, 40% of that deal comes back to the club who sold him to Frankfurt. Namely, Newcastle. £28M comes back to us. We literally paid ourselves £28M.  


The CL play offs have at least one major upset. Almeria, who are now good, hammered Juventus 5-1. It’s a decent Juve team, albeit aging (Upamecano, Chiesa, Vlahovic still in there). Leicester go out against Dortmund. Aguilera scored four times in the tie. He’s surely going to want a move in the summer. If we’re still at Newcastle that’s a move we can think about. As I’m watching out for results I get a bad one; Leandro Serrao has broken his back! He’s out for 8 weeks and won’t be back until late April. We’ll need to get through some of the toughest CL games without our best player. To add to that, Szoboszlai gets injured too.  


The teams that make it through the play offs are Chelsea, Dortmund, Almeria, Barcelona, Arsenal, Benfica, PSG and Atletico join the top eight seeds; Milan, Newcastle, Man City, Inter, Gladbach, Real, Bayern and Leverkusen. Villa getting dismantled by Benfica might be the biggest upset after Juventus’ demise. Despite the teams from the Midlands going out there are still four English teams in the R16.  

The new contract sees me over this achievement; earning £10M in my career. What would I spend that kind of cash on? Well, I’d probably buy a lower league football team. Why can’t I do that Miles?  

Here is the draw. We have Atletico. PSG vs. Bayern is good news. One of those will be gone. At this stage there really is no easy game. Atletico are still led by Joao Felix but he’s injured and won’t play either. Can Eddie Howe (yes, really) get the better of me? I don’t think he will. The opening leg in Madrid is somewhat disappointing. We give away a stupid early penalty, conceded by Malo Gusto playing in midfield and tracking back. Dylan Mellado scores a tremendous equaliser but our high line is our undoing. Rory Wilson nips in behind us for 2-1. Tariq Lamptey gets a red card for two bookings and they sit back and defend the lead. A deficit going back to St James Park.  


We have so many injuries now that I can’t even field a bench in the Champion’s League. Joe Williams did his hamstring and Lucas Ambrosio is also out. On top of that Salari is suspended. We are up shit creek and Man City are running away with the league. Not how I pictured this season going down. On the day of the Atletico game Isak gets injured. So our line will be led by Barry Leverington. Only his second start of the campaign. I only have three fit subs.  

We end up putting in our best performance of the entire season. Leverington only goes and scores a fucking hatty. Sensational play from the boys. Despite conceding a stupid early goal that almost derailed the whole thing. We’re soon joined by Milan, who beat Arsenal, Bayern, who thumped PSG 5-1 in the second leg and Bayer Leverkusen. The following week we’re joined by Inter, who beat Dortmund on pens and Man City who lost in Barcelona but won the home leg 5-0. Won’t someone think of the children? Gladbach beat Benfica, twice and Real Madrid eliminate Chelsea. Only two English teams left in Europe, which is a bonus.  


Leverington scores again as we beat Villa to go second in the league. Could Big Barry save our season? Omarion Scott is injured in the game and now we’re down to bare bones. On to Burnley and Leverington scores again! And gets injured. Fuck me, this is now the worst injury crisis I’ve seen in a long, long time.  

In the Champion’s League we draw Pep’s Milan side that have won three Scudetti in a row. Germany have three teams left so Bayern play Leverkusen. Real have Gladbach and Man City play Inter. Two English teams versus two Milan teams. This is as far as I got with Porto. Because of the how the draws work, we also know we’ll face the winner of the all German clash, should we make it to the semis.  


With the injury crisis in full bloom Tyrese McKinlay plays up front against Leeds. He’s 18 and way off the first team. The two centre backs combine for the goal and we escape with a 1-0. We’ve picked a good time of the season to stop being shit. We get a bit lucky with the placement of an International break and most of our players are back by the time we hit Leicester. We put SEVEN past them. Keeping in mind, Leicester are a bit of a bogey team for us.  

We got lucky here. We created loads of chances but looked like completely fucking it up. A pair of penners from Szoboszlai and we take it 2-0. Milan had zero shots on target. Shout out to Bayer Leverkusen for fucking up Bayern Munich’s shit. The only downside is yet another Joe Williams injury. Even with injuries he’s scored 36 goals this season.  

Second leg, in the San Siro, goes fantastically well. It’s a smash and grab. Minall heading in a Szoboszlai free kick early doors. Isak just about gets one to trickle in after getting the ball stuck under his feet on a one on one. Guajardo replaced him when he was injured as a midfield anchor and we defended Italian style for the 4-0 aggy win. Sensational game management from the boys.  


We now face Bayer Leverkusen, who eliminated Bayern Munich for us. They are defending champions so we shouldn’t get too cocky just yet. Man City vs. Real Madrid on the other side. They both comfortably qualified. Man City beating Inter twice. Real putting five past poor Gladbach over two legs.  

The end of the season is getting very thrilling. Four to go in the league and we’re top by ONE POINT ahead of Man City. We effectively knocked Chelsea out of the title race by beating them 2-1 at St James Park. Spurs are also still there.  

Barry Leverington is at it again! First goal after 21 seconds. He ends up with a hattrick. We had the ball cleared off the line twice (Ambrosio and Scott). They kept scoring against the run of play and 4-3 isn’t fair on us. We were fucking great here. We were two goals better. We did win though. Bring on the home leg. We’re almost in the CL final!  

We go to beat Arsenal 3-1 in the league. It’s that man Leverington again! The title is within our grasp. Man City drew at Brentford. They’ve bottled it! 5 games away from a historic double.  

Sensational home performance against Leverkusen. Barry Leverington, who’s barely played all season, coming good when it counts. A fucking hattrick in BOTH LEGS of the Champion’s League semi-final. Fuck yes, mate! They were good goals too. Barry has only scored 11 league goals for Newcastle. Altogether. He’s scored 10 goals in the Champion’s League this year. All important ones too. In the final we play Man City after they dispatched Real Madrid. Am I worried? Yes. Yes, I am. Man City are the best team in the game at the moment. They are extremely hard to play against.  


How do we follow that? Losing at home to QPR. I love this game. Luckily we stay ahead of Man City on goal difference. This is going to the bloody wire. Spurs win 4-0 at Leeds so one point separates the top three. QPR did the double over us. If we lose the title, it’s QPR’s fault. We’re officially in the Champion’s League next year though. The budget? £227M. Holy fuck. This club.  


Next up is Fulham (A). Leandro Serrao gives an interview where he tells the club they need to deliver in this game because it’s vital to the title race. He’s sent off for a straight red in the first half. We still win a penalty and score it to lead 1-0 but bottle the lead after a mass of Fulham pressure in the second half. 1-1. We barely have a lead to defend.  

Man City draw with Chelsea but Spurs 2-0 win over Arsenal puts them top. Oh no.  

Final day is a disaster. We need Fulham to beat Tottenham. They do. We need Man City to not win by a load of goals. And we need to beat fucking Derby County. We’re 2-0 down at half time. We battle back to 2-2 but it’s too late and we’ve bottled the fucking title. The biggest failure in my entire save so far. The only solace I can take is that Tottenham managed to fuck it up worse than we did. Just needed to beat Fulham and they win their first title since 1961. Fucked it.  


You’re got to laugh really.  


We managed to save our three worst performances of the entire season for the last three fixtures. This does not bode well for the Champion’s League final. Top scorer in the league, by the way, Riva of Tottenham. He scored 46 goals in 32 games. Those are insane numbers. Doubled by the fact the most goals he’d managed in a season before this was 11. He has a 100 career league goals over 8 years. Almost half of them coming in one season.  


Here we go then; Champion’s League final. I make a bold decision, because I’m scared of Phil Foden, and put Guajardo on him for the entire game. I also drop the line and leave out Omarion Scott in an attempt to lessen the number of players we get stuck down field when they have the ball. It is a TENSE experience and I think I tweak more little things at every 10 minute interval than during any match I’ve ever played on FM. Dominik Szoboszlai, I start on the wing, and he cuts in from there to receive a pass from Joe Williams and BANG, 1-0. 21’ played. We hold on and Haaland has two goals chalked off for offside. It’s a battle. It’s a scrap. We are actually the better team. Guajardo is a goddamn hero. We are CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE BABY! We bottled the league, we’ve won the one that counts.  




Joe Williams finishes the season with 37 goals in all competitions. Omarion Scott was second with 16. Isak also bagged 16 in his final season at the club. Szoboszlai got 15 goals but also 16 assists. What a player. Leverington scored 14 goals, 10 of them in CL. He only started 3 CL games! 15 assists as well for Reguera. Legends everywhere! The players who followed me from club to club to get the big CL win like Joao Roberto, former Paderborn keeper, Dylan Mellado, Omarion Scott and Jack Minall. I love these guys. None of them are real sadly! Not even beautiful Barry. Only big Dom and Isak. What a season lads. I’m exhausted. I could feel a knot developing in my stomach towards the end of the league campaign. It felt like the whole thing was collapsing. God bless Hector Guajardo for marking that punk Phil Foden out of the final. He’s the man.  


NEXT: Oh man, I haven’t even thought about this. I’ve literally signed Brian Aguilera for Newcastle next season (paying Leicester £122M for the honour) because I thought our attack needed beefing up. Three continents remain. Which one is next?  


TO DATE:        

Asian Champions League: Champions (Brisbane Roar, 2028)     

African Champions League: N/A         

UEFA Champions League: Champions (Newcastle, 2034)   

North American Champions League: N/A        

Copa Libertadores: N/A      








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