Glory Pro: Cemetery Gates  

 

March 31, 2022 

 

We’re in Dallas, Texas at Fair Park. First show of the Collective. Hosts are Sam Leterna and Veda Scott.  

 

You may be wondering what the fuck I’m doing here and it’s pretty simple. It’s WrestleMania weekend so this is when I show up and review some goddamn wrestling shows. It doesn’t matter that I then disappear for 12 months. For one weekend a year I am still a wrestling fan (sort of). You may also be wondering why I’ve selected the Glory Pro show from Thursday morning before Mania when I haven’t actually reviewed anything else and there are two WrestleMania shows I need to sort out. Patience. All will be revealed. You may also, also be wondering why I’m doing this after the whole weekend is over. Well…I kinda forgot about Mania and was at West Ham at the weekend and work. Catch up time! 

 

Myron Reed vs. Shane Sabre vs. Danny Jones vs. Carlos Romo 

I was worried I wouldn’t know who anyone was on this show but I know all these guys and Carlos Romo is my close personal friend.  

I generally don’t like multiple person matches because it involves a lot of planning and coordination and it doesn’t work most of the time. Especially when you’ve got a bunch of guys from different places. When Romo and Jones are alone they do some nice stuff but the need to have guys rest just creates weird fake selling. Likewise, Reed and Sabre gel nicely and have a couple of good sequences. You need big spots to eliminate guys and it’s an eight-minute opener and you just can’t have too many crazy spots. Reed manages to isolate Sabre and finishes with Captain Krunch. This didn’t do much for me. It was messy and the guys didn’t click. I’ve seen all these guys have good matches so I’ll put it down to a lack of time to prepare. *¾ 

 

Midwest Territory Championship 

Tootie Lynn (c) vs. Janai Kai 

I have no idea who either of these women are. They try and keep it basic but again there’s a major chemistry issue and the match is slow to get going. Kai is known for her kicks, but I’m not sold on them. If you’re known for something you’d better be good at it. She’s much better at judo trips. Nothing really works though. Lynn comes off the better of the two but she screws up the bump on Kai’s big near fall. Tootie finishes with an armbar despite not going after the arm at all. It would be fair to call this poor. * 

 

Jake Something vs. Max the Impaler 

Jake is a hoss (possibly just an Indie hoss). 6’2”, 235lbs. Max is the non-binary nightmare.  

It’s a strong look. Beyond Thunderdome. This is in my wheelhouse. A lot of big hoss bullshit. Clubbing forearms, bodyslams, clotheslines. Like 80s WWF without the chinlocks. There’s way too much stalling though. Jake hits a move and poses. It’s like a bad RVD match in that respect but instead of wacky high spots it’s clotheslines. Max nuts Jake and they both get busted open. I respect this commitment to violence.  

The blood loss slows Max down and they run into a Bossman Slam for the three. Solid match. Bit too much stalling but plenty of hard-hitting business. **¾ 

 

United Glory Tag Team Championship 

The Hustle and The Muscle (c) vs. Fly Def vs. Technical Difficulties vs. Alpha Omega 

I get we’re at Mania weekend and you want to get everyone on the show but does this need to be a four way? We’ve already had one four way. The champs are clearly the big boys here. Xavier Walker is the tallest man in this and his partner, Karam, is the henchest. As with the earlier four way there’s odd selling but it’s so much worse here because there are twice as many dudes. The handspring double stunner is especially bad. People get in each other’s way all the time. There’s some decent ideas but the execution isn’t there. The champs end up overpowering the opposition and that’ll do it. *¾ 

 

Submission Match 

Laynie Luck vs. Allie Katch 

The last time I saw Allie Kat she was a loveable babyface with a cat gimmick. Now apparently, she’s a maverick shooter. I thought she was ok as a babyface character wrestler but she’s a terrible technician, so I don’t see this gimmick working. Laynie is a “party unicorn”, which doesn’t really play into the submission stipulation. They completely whiff on a dropkick with Allie bumping it and I don’t hold out much hope for this.  

Allie does a decent job of working the back to set up the Boston crab but it’s never really sold. Laynie tries for a variety of submission attempts, trying to catch Allie unawares. It’s an interesting story for the match, even if the technical side of it is patchy. In all fairness it’s the first match that’s had a lot of storyline and character attached to it. I love that Allie constantly cheats her way out of submissions, as we’re in a no DQ situation. “There’s no rope breaks” so Allie uses the ropes on a Boston crab and Laynie taps out. The storytelling really worked here, which shows you how simple wrestling can be. That’s all you need. Points for effort, in spite of the visible fuck ups. *** 

 

Grindhouse (Vega & Fitchet) vs. No Remorse Corps 

Grindhouse is the renamed Besties in the World and they’ve dropped the theme music so I prefer them. No Remorse Corps; Rocky Romero and Davey Richards, haven’t teamed for ages and Davey was retired for three years until the pandemic. No Remorse Corps using to tag in NOAH back in 2010-2012 time. This is the first match where we’ve seen some elite level shit. Davey brings the grappling and Rocky the fun spots for people to cheer along to. Grindhouse play heel tag team by numbers and that’s pretty boring. Davey looks like he’s having a fucking blast on the hot tag. I guess at 39 he’s got nothing left to prove and is just having a laugh. The speed and technical skill he possesses is so far above everything else on this card. The match breaks down and they do a bunch of crowd-pleasing stuff before No Remorse Corps wrap it up.  

This was fun enough. *** 

 

Loser Leaves the Neighbourhood 

Dan the Dad vs. Kody Lane 

They show videotape of Kody moving into Dan’s neighbourhood to annoy him and I’m assuming it’s a joke. Dan has a fun gimmick wearing a polo shirt, shorts and glasses. This is your garbage match with Dan’s character against Kody’s athleticism. It doesn’t often work. There’s not enough of Dan’s gimmick and the big spots from Kody don’t always come off. The worst part is Kody moving a chair into position for a spot he’s about to take while being held up by Dan. Nothing screams ‘this isn’t real’ more than that level of cooperation. Kody tries very hard to hurt himself, doing multiple spots onto a ladder. The last one, the Flamingosault onto the ladder, results in Dan slapping on a Figure Four and taking it. Thus ejecting Kody Lane from his neighbourhood. Dan the Dad didn’t do enough to get his personality across here and the match was trash. *½ 

 

Warhorse vs. Josh Alexander 

I liked Jake Parnell a lot more before he got this heavily gimmicked into a heavy metal dude.  

I love Josh Alexander. He’s so technically sound and he’s a logical, methodical worker. Warhorse is decent too and the result is a well thought out wrestling match. Even when they do a display of manliness with some chops Josh smartly goes for the leg when he’s struggling. Warhorse’s hard head gimmick doesn’t work for me but other than that, it’s a solid match up.  

For a guy who’s rock solid technically, Josh has a cool moveset too. A mixture of high impact and slick mat work. It’s comfortably the best match on the show with Josh dominating but Warhorse constantly pulling out plucky spots to keep himself in it. Alexander wins and Warhorse comes off looking good in the loss. Great wrestling. ***¾ 

 

Crown of Glory Championship 

Mike Outlaw (c) vs. Bryan Keith 

Bryan Keith is wearing a cowboy hat and is an instant favourite.  

He also sports incredible facial hair and a poncho. I’m sold. However, we’re two hours into the show and I’m starting to burn out. How did I ever sit through those 7-hour WrestleMania shows? Outlaw is a big tough fella with a bushy beard. He’s husky. Outlaw is also aggressive and focused. I like his style. Keith’s offence is explosive.  

Two guys with good offence means they can run a back and forth. The execution isn’t always perfect but sometimes it is and they do some cool shit. Outlaw has some radical ideas and loves a half crab. They take things too far down the stretch and do some silly no selling before an awkward finish where Outlaw blocks a roll up and comes out on top. The match was mostly good but it didn’t come together at the finish. ***¼ 

 

The 411: 

It was a decent show. Some of the undercard was very hit and miss. Some of the matches landed with storyline and a few near the finish landed on workrate. Four matches at *** or higher, and I’m apparently a harsh rater since 2020, you can’t really complain. This is very much a lesser show on Mania weekend but they kicked it off in a manner where I’m considering watching more. Last year I watched three shows all weekend. This year I watched zero on the actual weekend! Whatever happened to the Wild Ride man?