ICW Square Go
February 2, 2020
Hi, remember 2018 where I swore off ICW forever? Well, I ran a Twitter poll asking if people wanted me to review this show and 65% voted yes. So here we are. Respecting the will of the people. You bastards. Having not seen any ICW in over a year I may be unfamiliar with some of the people involved.
At least William Kirkwood Esq. is still here ensuring excitement, enthusiasm and product knowledge. Commentary comes from him and a much-improved James R. Kennedy.
ICW Zero G Championship
Leyton Buzzard (c) vs. Liam Thomson
The last time I watched one of these shows Liam was the champion.
This is Leyton Buzzard. I like him already. He looks like a blonde Kyle Fletcher from three years ago. The Zero G title is usually an excuse for a spotfest and, more than often, the best match on whatever card ICW put out. Buzzard is a flippy wrestler who suits the division perfectly. Thomson is a 16 year pro who’s basically worked shite Scottish Indies and ICW. WCPW booked him once for the Scottish World Cup qualifiers. He lost in the first round. He did get runs in 1PW and PCW but was a tag guy at the time. I may have seen LT live, which shows you how little of an impression he leaves. The one thing you will get from Liam Thomson is a solid wrestling match but if I was booking, I would want an opener to fire the crowd up and despite early signs to the contrary this isn’t it. In all honesty; Buzzard is much better than I was expecting. The match is really solid right up to the finish where LT blocks a low blow and then punts Buzzard in the nuts for the win. Oh yeah, this company has no rules. How edgy.
Final Rating: ***
Post Match: we get a weird “he’s back” thing with Just Jaxn? Is that Jackie Polo? It is!
Then DCT appears and they have a stand-off. I’m guessing neither of them has been here for a while! This is the trouble with parachuting in to a company that does two dramatic returns in one segment. Completely lost on me. I do know the history though. Polo beat DCT for the belt right before the Polo vs. Lionheart title match at Fear & Loathing two years ago. They have a really, really lengthy brawl and if they’re not back out to do this again in the Square Go it’s a mistake.
ICW Women’s Championship
Aivil (c) vs. Isla Dawn
Aivil, also known as “Jokey”, is an Italian wrestler who has taken ICW by storm. In a European scene increasingly dismantled by WWE Aivil is a nice stand-out among the Indies. Isla Dawn has a WWE contract! She’s improved somewhat since signing but was rough beforehand so that’s not a big jump. This match is fine. They both work hard and it’s not noticeably bad at any point. The work isn’t without flaws. They have a trip up spot into the 619 position and Aivil lands short and then pulls herself up into the ropes for the actual spot. It didn’t look terrible but the spot clearly went wrong. The match has a touch of the raw edge that you get from Sasha Banks where they throw themselves into spots and it’s touch and go as to whether they come off. There’s a particularly ambitious spot where Aivil goes for a spear, I think, and is met with a flying knee. The match goes on beyond Isla’s capacities and she is blown up towards the finish. Aivil finishes off the ropes. This was patchy but both wrestlers showed a lot of promise here. Probably the best showing from Isla Dawn to date and a sign that she’s getting there.
Final Rating: **3/4
ICW Tag Team Championship
The Purge (c) vs. The Fite Network
This match is systemic of issues on Indie wrestling. They’re all hairy guys with beards who dress in black. The Purge try and bring some different style by wearing jeans but there’s literally no contrast here whatsoever. They further this by doing a walk and brawl and it’s like Friday night in Glasgow. I mean, it’s literally Sunday night in Glasgow. The crowd brawl becomes even more dull when the camera feed gets cut and everyone sits around bored in the venue.
“What the fuck is going on?” chant the crowd. Krobar goes through a fire door and the inconsiderate fans don’t open it. Just push on the bar guys. Geez. I can’t believe the match depends on this being a storytelling factor. He got stuck outside the fire door. Just fucking walk around man. Kirkwood, always on his game, claims the venue won’t let him back in because he doesn’t have a ticket. This is what happens when you don’t dress like a wrestler mate. Fite Network double team their way to victory and the crowd actually goes wild. I did not get into this at all but horses for courses I guess.
Final Rating: *3/4
Post Match: Kenny Williams turns up to complain about this. This leads to Mark Coffey jumping the new champions, wearing black and sporting a beard. I’m glad there is a distinction between guys there.
ICW World Heavyweight Championship
Stevie Boy (c) vs. Noam Dar
Dar has been working the odd ICW show ever since he left for WWE. How can we miss you if you don’t go away? Noam does really stand out on this show, not just for his professionalism but also because he’s not got a beard and he’s not wearing black. Also the kind of rippling abdominal muscles that say “I am a full time wrestler with access to top class training facilities”. This match is technically very solid. Both guys are experienced and talented. I’m not convinced that Stevie Boy is legitimately the best wrestler in the promotion but given how many have left for WWE he might be. The match feels like a first rehearsal rather than opening night and rarely finds a higher gear. There are one too many spots that feel ‘off’. That said when they do click they come up with some good spots like Dar going to block a dive, Stevie stopping and superkicking him. But for every good spot they have some convoluted dumb thing involving 619s on the floor.
It’s a frankly bizarre experience. They are creative but the match needed someone better at structure giving them advice on why so many of the spots won’t work. If you take out the dumb stuff this match could have absolutely ruled. A case in point is Dar going for an Enzuigiri and getting dragged down into an anklelock. There was a great match in here. This being ICW of course there’s a run in with Davey Boy running in to stop Dar using a chair. From there they hit the stretch and bunch of cool near falls. The epic feel is clearly connecting in the building but it’s been a shaky road to get there. They do some dumb big spot near falls stuff that irks me too. Dar kicking out of Stevie’s finish when the ropes are within reach. Like many modern day main events they completely overegg the pudding. This is one eggy fucking pudding. Dar finishes with a couple of spots after knocking Stevie off the ropes but the whole finishing sequence felt like a bunch of spots with no connection between them. Like I said earlier there was a *great* match in here somewhere but it’s hard to find enjoyment in something so indulgent. Easily the best match on the show though. They were operating to a higher standard.
Final Rating: ***1/2
If you don’t know what this match is; it’s the Royal Rumble (with the odd weapon), run a couple of weeks after the Rumble itself for maximum effect. #1 is BT Gunn. #2 is Sami Callihan.
We start off in the worst way possible. Sami is a walking bag of clichés right now. #3 is Craig Anthony. He lasts about a second. #4 is Jason Reed. He’s a six-foot body guy managed by Coach Trip. #5 is Lewis Girvan. He’s a guy who would benefit hugely from working outside of Scotland. He’s stuck in arrested development here. We were touting him as a special talent five years ago but he’s not changed since then.
#6 is Dickie Divers. #7 is Trent Seven. Ha, of course it is. Banter. He’s still dreaming of that #7 spot in the Royal Rumble. He’ll have to make do. His last match was at Fear & Loathing XI, the last ICW show I saw! We came back together. #8 is Corvin from the Kings of the North. #9 is Jack Morris. #10 is Alexander Dean. This match is absolute death. Just a bunch of guys hugging the ropes like a bad early Rumble. Almost no spots. Nothing happening. Guys standing around waiting for something to happen. A creative void.
#11 is Wolfgang. He lost to Kez Evans yesterday and is looking to bounce back.
Ah, a flash back to when ICW was good. #12 is Bonesaw. #13 is Adam “Flex” Maxted. There’s suddenly a lot happening with rivalries and partnerships but the general approach is two guys pair off and everyone else lies in the corners. #14 is Thatcher Wright.
This is quite the gimmick. He’s literally a “Thatcherite” and carries Baroness Thatcher’s book to the ring. He’s immediately thrown out and that’s quite right. Trent and Wolfgang’s partnership is the driving force behind this match in this mid section. #15 is big Kez Evans. He reminds me of a less trim Dan Moloney.
#16 is Nathan Martin. Every time I see Nathan he’s gained a little more mass. He’s well on his way to a proper wrestler physique. Fair play. He doesn’t last long, sadly. #17 is Ravey Davey and he’s got a chair. #18 is Kieran Kelly. #19 is Kid Fite. The ring is very full and nothing is happening. #20 is Andy Wild. They fuck up and start playing his music, stop it and then play it again. Wolfgang and Trent both go out here, thus signaling the end of the middle section.
#21 is Xander McGuire. They ran an angle where BT went out of this injured but he returns here to fight Sami, who’s also still in. #22 is Jake Crist. He teams with Sami, obviously, and they finally throw BT out. They spend an eternity standing on the ropes yelling at BT Gunn until Lewis Girvan realises he’s so late for the spot he might as well not turn up and finally tips them both out. Good lord, that was awful. #23 is Jack Jester. His weapon is “a big metal thing”. Sha Samuels is there for emotional support and joins commentary. #24 is Aspen Faith. He accidentally eliminates Girvan. Trouble in paradise. #25 is Rickey Shane Page with a Singapore cane.
#26 is Grado, complete with Madonna and NFL gear because it’s Superbowl Sunday. He looks downright skinny by the way.
Ravey Davey’s group takes over the ring but #27 is Davey Boy. “The original Ned” and he takes all these kids apart. It’s like Special K in ROH. Davey Boy eliminates himself by diving onto Ravey Davey. Just go through the ropes mate. #28 is Darren Kearney with #29 LJ Cleary still to come. #30 is Luca de Pazzi. He’s Italian and is doing the Italia ‘90/Alberto del Rio approach to pro wrestling. Kid Fite dumps him in about a second. There are still NINE guys left in there. This has been the case for the entire match. The ring too crowded with too many guys not doing anything. With the end rapidly approaching people start tumbling out. Sha too busy drinking to save Jester.
FINAL FOUR: Andy Wild, Kez Evans, Grado and Kid Fite. Wild is taken out by Dean who was already out after a great display of teetering. Grado gets thrown out and it’s left with Kez, who goes down with a knee injury and Kid Fite. Mark Dallas comes out here so you know its bullshit. Kez was faking it and he throws Fite out to win. This was predictably bad. Kez is a new direction for ICW and he’s a pretty new name to everyone. A shame so much of this match plodded by. It wasn’t entertaining for the most part. An ‘old school’ rope hugger of a match.
Final Rating: *1/2