IGB 19: Cream Mania (4.3.24) review 

 

April 3, 2024 

 

WRESTLEMANIA WEEKEND REVIEW #6 

 

Source: Independent Wrestling.TV ($10 per month) 

 

We’re in Williamstown, New Jersey at the H20 venue. IGB is Intergender Bonanza. Skimming through the card reveals a lot of familiar faces from previous H20 shows (Austin Luke, Marcus Mathers, Zayda Steel) and some people I know from previous Mania weekenders (Effy, Sonny Kiss, Brandon Kirk). Plus a lot of names I don’t know at all.  

 

I’m already grossed out and we’ve not even started. Marc Angel and the Creamy World Order open the show. It’s a slightly less pornographic version of the Pussy World Order from WEW. After ten minutes of them talking I have a headache.  

 

Team CWO (ABBS, Adena Steele, Brittany Blake & Journey Burke) vs. Team IGB (Darien Hardway, Rob Chase, Sicend & Uncle Masty) 

ABBS is a big fat guy, with three hot chicks as his tag team partners. Rob Chase has an old-fashioned criminal gimmick. I hope he steals the pin. The early action in this has me concerned. Let’s just say there’s “near miss” sequences that are nowhere near connecting. Comms calls Adena Steele “one of the best wrestlers in the world” and this is why I can’t commentate. You have to say things like that with a straight face and not laughing or anything. 

 

They do an escalating violence thing to go into the finish and Sicend fucks it up completely by not doing a high spot and then finishing with a roll up. This was bad.  

 

Xavier Cross vs. Shannon LeVangie 

LeVangie looks like a natural, but she needs to get in the gym. Her lack of core strength is apparent on a few occasions. Huge potential on her though. Huge. She has a great understanding of what wrestling should look like. Get the reps in and her movement will look more natural around the ring and get some more snap on the bumps. A couple of tours of Japan could work miracles. I’m particularly enarmoured with her bumps off big moves. The neckbreaker one is sweet. Shannon goes down with the Bret Hart knee ‘injury’ and catches Cross in an ace small package. Oh no, wait, she really is hurt. I was impressed with Shannon here and hopefully that knee injury isn’t too bad. 

 

Marc Angel vs. Sexxxy Eddy 

Eddy brings a shopping trolley full of plunder and Jess Moss, who is going to ref this. Eddy is not wearing much and is barely covering up his cock meat. They fuck around and have Angel get chopped by the fans. Marc Angel has a hell of a match with bits of plunder he tries to prop up in the corners (which he never uses). This reminds me of one of those WWF hardcore matches. Just two guys hitting each other with crap. This is hardcore rules, so I don’t understand rope breaks working but Jess kicks Angel off the ropes and he’s rolled up for the L. If you like WWF hardcore matches from 1999 and nut shots, this is the match for you this weekend. 

 

Everest vs. Kristian Ross 

Everest, as you’d imagine, is a very large gentleman. The ref is CWO, so he helps Everest out where possible. He’s been watching Nick Patrick tapes. The match is already bad, it doesn’t need a shitty referee too. Comms start talking about Dino Bravo to pass the time. “You know what he didn’t have that was legal?” “No?” “Cigarettes”. DAMN. Ross uses a spear in this match and it’s not good. He does it twice, just so I can get a good look at it two times and it was bad, two times. Second one finishes after Nick Papagorgio got punched out. Worst match on the show, so far. 

 

Airica Demia vs. Stan Stylez 

Stan is the CWO leader and comes out wearing some cream Shredder costume. I wonder how much money he blew on that. Demia, on the other hand, has good gear, which would work anywhere. Demia had only debuted just before last year’s Wrestlemania. They do a bit where Stan can’t pick up “Steve the Sword” and Demia easily picks it up. This is followed by shakeweight stuff. It’s a little weird having the leader of your faction be the least serious guy in it.  

 

This is followed by whipped cream chops and a marriage proposal. They do a lot of stuff without doing much wrestling. Which is cute, I guess, you get paid the same regardless. Stylez has enough bits you could probably put him on TV. If he’s doing goofy shakeweight stuff on the Indies he’d probably do whatever dumb shit the WWE like. Oh no, he does a slow-motion gimmick.  

This isn’t a still. That’s how fast they’re moving. I know this is some seriously goofy shit but the slow-motion gimmick does pop people. Stan gets distracted by the ref and Demia wins with a Superman Punch. Airica Demia has an incredible look and managed to get through a complicated mess of a match without looking stupid here. She has a big, big future in the business. I can’t believe she’s only been wrestling for a year. I can see either WWE or AEW picking her up sooner rather than later.  

 

Janai Kai vs. Austin Luke 

Austin Luke looks like a young Pac. Same tights, boots, hair, beard and even stance. Obviously, he comes up short on the atleticism but it’s a similar look. I’ve seen Janai Kai at various Mania weekends over the years and while she’s plugged some holes in her game, I still expect something to go wrong and it does. Austin does a good job of eliminating the kicks by doing the toe snap spot. It doesn’t work, because you don’t want Kai to stop kicking people. Austin finishes with the GTS. This was decent. The striking was working for me. 

 

Brandon & Kasey Kirk vs. Cosmic Cuties (LSG & Ava Everett) 

The Cosmic Cuties arrive in full HASMAT suits, horrified at the state of the building. You wouldn’t want to see this building with a black light on, let’s put it like that.  

You can tell we’re in Philly because someone is screaming “we want blood!” It’s a comedy match! This is ok until they start attempting double team stuff with the Cosmic Cuties. Kasey wants to use light tubes, but instead we get shots. There’s been more drinking this Mania weekend than any I can remember. The Cuties end up tapping out with chokes after being blinded by the old alcohol spit trick.  

 

Zayda Steel vs. Sonny Kiss 

I really enjoyed Zayda the other night against Marcus Mathers. I hated the match structure, but her work won me over. Despite being outsized, Zayda does a good job of playing the heel. She’s irritating, even when she’s doing cool shit like a tope into a DDT. The actual work isn’t as clean as the Mathers match, but it doesn’t have any of the annoying thigh slaps and assorted bullshit. The good news being that Zayda was not carried by Mathers. She’s genuinely good. They go wrong eventually with a horrible kick off into buckle bump. It doesn’t even do anything. Kiss That Don’t Miss finishes for Sonny. Good little match. Not quite notebook worthy, mainly thanks to that late mistake. **¾ 

 

IGB Super Championship  

Marcus Mathers (c) vs. Effy  

I don’t like either guy. Effy because he’s limited and Mathers because he’s a try-hard. Effy annoys me almost immediately by stopping to fix his bandana during a headlock. What’s holding Mathers in place there? Fuck all. I don’t remember the last time I saw Effy in a straight up wrestling match, maybe he’s forgotten how to do them.  

 

I’ve not hated today’s show because almost everything has arrived, served a purpose and left. This is the first time I’ve felt the time dragging because they’re shooting for epic and I don’t want to see these two wrestle for 20:00. I don’t really want to watch anyone wrestle for 20:00 if I’m being truthful. The way attention spans are going (hello, WWE Speed) those days will be over soon anyway. Effy bails for a door and I’m done here.  

 

One brisk walk to the shops later and I’ve got the required lucosade to wake me up for the remainder of today’s action.  

 

Back in the match they piss about with a door. I do not like doors in matches. Why are there doors? As I’m typing about doors Mathers gets a roll up for the win. The promotion’s next show is called “Starscream”. I would watch that, just because, yanno, Transformers. Hey, this match was ok, but it shot for epic, which feels like an issue with Mathers. I think he’d be better off knocking out high-paced 10-minute bangers at the moment.  

 

The 411: 

The good thing about this show, and the weekend in general, is the large number of women wrestlers on show. At varying degrees of development. My concern the past few Mania weekends has been that the Indies are lacking talented female wrestlers. Nature abhores a vacuum though. I was impressed by Shannon LeVangie, Janai Kai, Kasey Kirk and others but especially Zayda Steel and Airica Demia. Both of those can easily go right to the top. Demia especially as she has a look that isn’t common in wrestling. Some of the matches on this show were not good but nothing was a disaster, like a few H20 matches.