Adventures in Football #122: Triplex Sports (OJM Community FC) 

 

APRIL 1, 2025 

 

OJM vs. UTTOXETER TOWN (Midland League Premier)  

 

 

The Triple X club. It sounds like absolute filth, doesn’t it? I have no answers as to why the branding is so pornographic. I do not want to google it, cheers. I get enough dodgy adverts on my Instagram already. We’re into April now, and the weather is largely cooperating. It’s a nice sunny day. If this was an afternoon kick off, you could probably do it in shorts. But it’s not, is it. I forewarn Maria to bring me an extra coat and instead she buys me a new hoodie, so I put it over my existing hoodie for layering. Anyway, she picks me up, we go to the football.  

 

Oh, good lord, that’s even WORSE! I’m half expecting an old plaque saying it used to be owned by Paul Raymond. We head into the members club for a piss, half expecting to be turned away by a burly bouncer, and have great difficulty locating the entrance to the pitch. The inner bar has a sign that says, “strictly members only”. Not being a member I’m not going in there. Every other door is locked. Finally, we locate a door, and you can see the pitch. We enter and are asked “are you on the board?” I should have just said yes. They were giving away free biscuits.  

 

 

We’re directed back outside and to a small hut manned by a chap, who had strolled off to watch the warm ups. It’s cash only and luckily, I have a few quid. £8 a pop to watch this lot play. The geezer on tickets is a nice bloke and asks if I’m from Uttoxeter*. They get so few people here they can recognise anyone who’s not a regular. He tells me OJM are only playing here this season and then they’re moving to a ground in Halesowen. Given their previous name was Black Country Rangers, that’s closer to home.  If you zoom in on the above ‘welcome’ sign, you’ll notice nobody has updated it in over a year. 

 

*I legitimately don’t know where Uttoxeter is. I looked on Maps and it’s between Stoke and Burton.  

 

 

Maria is already well on her way to the seats, but I still have time to count the attendance. It’s 7:45pm. Kick-off is in 15 minutes. There are currently 3 people here. Us included. THREE. The guy on the tickets said they get about 20 people a game here. You can tell they’re not from around here. I can’t imagine Cadbury Athletic did well when they played here either. 

 

 

The ground is pretty basic. We’ve got one stand. The end by the entrance has a bit of terracing to it. The other side is just open. Behind the stand is the railway track and being this close to Birmingham, there was the constant rumbling of trains going back and forth. It does make access quite easy though, as Triplex is spitting distance from King’s Norton train station. 

 

 

There’s the clubhouse and attached “strictly members only” bar. I didn’t risk it. The other building, behind the fence, is brand new. It isn’t on street view, and it doesn’t appear on any maps. It was a building site when Google sent the car around. Part of Birmingham’s ongoing attempt to completely demolish itself and rebuild itself to look better. The gentrification is real. If there’s a city that needed it though…. 

 

 

This is the main stand. Well, the only stand. It looks ok from the outside but on closer inspection it’s a bit run down. The sheet metal is coming away on the roof. Every gust of breeze made me feel like I was in bloody Twister with Bill Paxton. Everything is overgrown and dirty. It almost feels like an abandoned ground.  

 

 

This is OJM’s attempt to make it feel like home. Sticking a banner over the back wall of the shed. It’s not even properly attached and flaps around in the wind. The delightful yellow seats have significant damage and need replacing.  

 

 

I go and sneak a look into the dugouts and at least those are better protected from the elements. As a substitute you would be safe from wind, rain and bits of the roof flying off. The dugouts are the best part of the entire ground. A sign that, at some point, somebody gave a shit about this ground.  

 

 

The other side of the dugouts has some nice terracing, and you could get a decent crowd in here should circumstances occur where the attendance was into three figures. OJM can only dream of those numbers in this ground.  

 

 

On my way back to the stand, I spot this pile of crap. It seems they just chuck anything that’s broken behind the stand. That yellow seat’s spot will be coming up in a future photo! Every non-league ground traditionally has a pile of crap. Given Birmingham’s current waste collection issues, this doesn’t look that different to the rest of the city, which is covered in piles of black bags.  

 

 

And here is our missing yellow seat. This entire row of seats wasn’t bolted down and nearly fell off the terrace when Maria put her feet on it. It’s at this point I’m thinking “this ground is a bit of a shit hole”. Luckily, I am a fan of shitty grounds. I like imperfections. There’s a tricky line to be drawn between imperfections and disrepair and Triplex is flying close to the sun here. 

 

 

Still, I’ve had worse backdrops at the football. Everyone loves a spire. I had looked up OJM’s kit before the game and they traditionally play in red, but they’ve changed names so many times, it’s conceivable they’ve just changed colours too. They emerge in Inter Milan rip off kits, while the visitors are in their home yellow kits. I briefly consider asking one of the other punters who’s who, but I figure it out on my lonesome. Speaking of the crowd; numbers have swelled in the 15 minutes before kick-off. Official attendance is 14.  

 

 

I’ve been to a lot of football grounds (122 to be precise) and this is the darkest ground I’ve ever been to. The floodlights on our side of the pitch are hopeless. Each floodlight has three bulbs. Only one of the six floodlights has all three. On our side, the average is one. I genuinely can’t make out players in some parts of the pitch. It’s barely light enough to play in. We put down a marker for standards tonight when the kick off routine results in the ball clearing the fence behind us. This could be a long night, lads. 

 

 

The home team’s management team is a good laugh. The second in command has a vape on him. The other has scathing criticism of his central midfield. OJM start the better team and miss a sitter 5’ in. Two players have chances to score from close range and somehow it doesn’t go in. I notice Vape Boss has clamboured over the fence to get the ball back from the errant kickoff. Maybe it was his play design. The other, main, gaffer, has words for his midfield again; “not everyone can go, fucking think”.  

 

 

The pitch has an uneven quality to it. Like how your lawn gets during the winter. You come and mow the fucker in March and suddenly there’s huge lumps everywhere that weren’t there in October the last time you could be bothered with it. That’s Triplex. The roll on the pitch is unpredictable. Uttoxeter’s approach is revealed fairly early when their big #6 (Rob Thorley) lobs a very long throw down the touch line. It’s the first of many and we definitely witnessing some Rory Delap ball tonight.  

 

Uttoxeter score first but it’s chalked off for offside…and also handball. A Diego Maradona-esque moment where the arm is a little high. The referee disallows the goal and produces a slice of cheddar for the offending forward. Quite right too. It came from another long throw from the #6. Switching over to the other flank, no less. He must have covered more grass than anyone else in this game, just on the throws. One of the Uttoxeter lads isn’t convinced it was handball. “How did you see with these floodlights?” A fair shout, tbf, tbf.  

 

Uttoxeter then have another huge chance to score first when OJM fluff a clearance, and a defender manages to boot the Uttoxeter forward through the back of the leg. Penalty. The #9 takes it but the huge OJM keeper guesses correctly and it’s a good save from the big man. Still scoreless. The OJM gaffer is still frustrated with his midfield. The #7 “Danny” who has been the main target of his ire picks the ball in the centre of the pitch. No one near him. “Time” yells the gaffer. Danny promptly steps on the ball and falls over. I can sense the manager’s disappointment. It is palpable. 

 

34’ gone and just two minutes after the penalty save, Uttoxeter take the lead. A header from a corner is well saved but the rebound is lashed home. 0-1. Bradbury-Allen the scorer. “Stop fucking feeling sorry for yourselves” says the OJM gaffer, in an attempt to fire the boys up. OJM don’t feel sorry for themselves though and despite being largely bad in the first half, they finish strongly. On 36’ they hit the bar and on 42’ a long ball is flicked over the top. OJM’s gobby #9 is onto it and he slots home for 1-1. OJM will go in at half time level.  

 

OR WILL THEY? No, they bloody won’t. Bang on half time OJM have a chance at the edge of the box. It’s kept out by the keeper but OJM’s big striker, #11, “Les” fires it in from the angle into the roof of the net. Get in, son! Cracking finish. 2-1 OJM. Half time. 

 

 

This is my neighbour for the game. He politely asked to get past me in the first half and I thought he was joking as there was literally no one else in the stand at the time. I guess he has a preferred seat. He may, or may not be, former England manager Roy Hodgson. He was certainly very nice and made a lot of notes for a regular punter. I would say he was doing notes for the program, but they don’t have one. Maybe he’s from Uttoxeter? Who knows?  

 

The game has been scrappy but intense and I’ve enjoyed it thus far. Maria is starting to feel the cold and we head into the clubhouse for a wiz and a nice sit down in the warm. The players return and Maria says she’ll follow me. I find myself sat alone as the second half starts, once again moving so Roy can take his seat. The second half starts as scrappy as the first half ended. Les has a chance to extend the lead but misses after a goalmouth scramble.  

 

 

55’ gone and Uttoxeter, who’ve not started the second half well, get a long ball over the top. The centre back misses it completely, leaving the visiting #9 (Lewis Dawson) one on one. I’m thinking the big stopper will prevent disaster, but Dawson goes around him and smashes it into the open net. 2-2. Game on. Dawson probably needed the confidence boost after missing the pen and looks proper fired up.  

 

Danny, who’s not had the best of games, finds himself subbed off and is replaced by a veritable half pint. OJM’s #14 is the shortest footballer I’ve seen in my life. And I’ve seen diminutive Canadian striker Paul Peschisolido in action. No word of a lie, this guy is 5’2” max. I’ve put 4’11” in my notes, to extenuate the situation. As a nippy winger, he’s an improvement over Danny anyway. “Good sub” says one of the bald punters to Roy. They both nod in approval.  

 

75’ gone and OJM nick a winner. A corner headed in at the far post. 3-2. Nothing happens in the remaining 15 minutes, and we all take our leave of King’s Norton for the evening. The second half trailed off a bit but overall, it was a good game and it’s a shame the club is struggling to attract fans. I would encourage you to go but they won’t be there next season.  

 

 ^yes, the keeper is in the air here. Not an optical illusion. 

 

FULL TIME: OJM 3 UTTOXETER 2  

 

Let’s give Triplex Sports some scores, shall we?  

 

ATMOSPHERE: 

No. Nothing. Not a sausage. I don’t think anyone was there to actually cheer a team on. Just there because football. I gave a yell and a clap to OJM’s first two goals but was a bit zoned out when they got the winner and there was literally no reaction from the fans. Call this one a DUD.  

 

COST: 

I’ve been to a few games around this level and in this league and 5-7 quid feels about right. £8 here. I know the club probably needs the cash but I’m not seeing the need for an extra pound. Charge a fiver and you might get more in. I mean, probably not, but worth a shot. ** 

 

QUALITY: 

Honestly, I had a good time watching the game. It was a little scrappy at times but both teams had a go. We all had a laugh. OJM’s right back played the whole game with a huge smile on his face. Ahh, football, it’s great, isn’t it? *** 

 

EASE OF ACCESS: 

This ground is a stone’s throw from King’s Norton train station, which lies on the Birmingham cross city line. You couldn’t ask for more convenience without it being literally next to it. Google maps says 0.4 miles. I say four and half snowflakes, lads. ****½  

 

MISC: 

Not a lot to be had here. I like the ticket hut. The stands were dilapidated. The clubhouse feels like it’s tacked on to a private club that us football scum aren’t allowed into. ** 

 

OVERALL: 11.5  

A score salvaged by the nearby train station, Triplex Sports is not one of the finest grounds I’ve been to. Bonus points (under misc) for playing on grass and having goal posts that aren’t on wheels.  

 

 

Another ground ticked off in my attempt at covering Birmingham and the surrounding area with little green footballs.