Adventures in Football #126: Newlandsfield Park (Pollok FC) 

 

May 17, 2025 

 

POLLOK FC vs. AUCHINLECH TALBOT (West of Scotland Premier) 

 

 

After a whirlwind tour of the Highlands, including Glenfinnan (with the Hogwarts Express viaduct and a lot of American tourists) and a peaceful stay by Loch Linnhe, we’re back in Glasgow on the way home. Once again calling upon Eddie Sideburns and this time we’re visiting a junior club. A first for me in Scotland. After Maria dropped us off outside the ground, she went for a nap in the car, and we went and secured brunch; a square sausage bap. My second Scottish delicacy of the trip after having a haggis pizza the day before. Neither were deep fried, so I don’t think they count.  

 

 

Pollok is my kind of club. Nestled away in the middle of housing. The punters at Loks Bar and Kitchen liable to catch a ball in their lunch if they’re not careful. The one end of the ground backing onto White Cart Water. Thankfully a bank of dirt and some trees will prevent losing balls downstream.  

 

 

On entering the ground, after negotiating the turnstiles (there are none), we’re greeted by looking down onto the playing surface. It’s a compact wee stadium. The field looks tiny compared to league grounds. 102×64 yards to be exact. St Mirren, for comparison, is 110×70. It has left me thinking that smaller clubs should have smaller pitches. This size seems ideal for this level. The pitch is suffering in this heat and looks dry in places. It’s also not exactly flat. There’s a pleasing undulating effect across the one goal mouth. 

 

 

Eddie suggests parking up right here and my sunburn from hiking around treeless mountains says otherwise. As you can see there are no seats anywhere, but you can just sit down on the steps…and then hope no one stands up in front of you. One of my favourite things about this ground is that weird little shed building in the corner. It has a sponsorship banner stuck to it and appears to be abandoned. Is it available for rent? Could turn it into an executive box! The far end there is where the ultras are going. Unlike St Mirren, they’re not terribly organised and the average age was about eight.  

 

 

Behind the one goal here you can see the terracing. It’s like that all around, apart from the other goal, and allows more people to get a good view of the game. This is the first look at the apartments, which loom over the ground from the one side. I noticed a few people out on their balconies during the game, enjoying the view. Get yourself a gaff at Newburgh Street and get free entry to every Pollok game.  

 

 

Los Pollok Hermanos. The Pollok Brothers. They have an advertising hoarding with the same sentiment on it. Notice the netting behind the goal here, designed to capture strays. There’s a big fuck off hole in it! Pre-match shooting drills included a few shots going straight out of the ground and presumably dislodging some poor wee bastard’s pint in the Loks.  

 

 

Here’s our view for the game. Sat in the shade, admiring the drama about to unfold in front of us. I have a little giggle at Specsavers sponsoring the officials. I’ve seen this before, in Scotland, but it slipped my mind. A fantastic ‘bit’ from a brand. As the game starts out it becomes quickly apparent that Talbot are the better side. Currently P2, a distant second behind Clydebank. Pollok seem disinterested in defending and there is nothing approaching a block or even an attempt at one.  

 

Talbot manage a sensational volleyed attempt about a minute in. That sets the tempo for the game. Pollok seem capable of creating chances but not finishing them. They create space and the net is empty but the player who it falls to manages an air shot. Open goal, mate! Talbot break down the other end from it and nearly score. Despite the end-to-end action the highlight of the opening 20’ is a clearance hitting a local supporter in the groin. The gasp from the crowd showing how close this fella came to tragedy. 

 

After 20’ we get a drinks break and Eddie is convinced we’re doomed to an end of season 0-0, given the missed chances. The drinks break is definitely required. Several of the players, Scottish lads, look like they’re allergic to sunshine. Pollok’s fair skinned #16 especially. The poor fella. It’s like asking Brazilians to play in the snow. Sure, they probably could but it’s not their natural environment at all. Both teams come close to breaking the deadlock including a powerful effort smacking into the Pollok Hermanos banner. 

 

 

Shout out to this lad wearing a Crystal Palace shirt. Pleased for Palace beating Man City later in the day for the FA Cup. It means the world to those fans. The City fans were probably annoyed they had to go to Wembley again. For them it’s a consolation prize for a bad season. For Palace it’s their first major honour. Fair play to them. They deserve it. Fuck Man City. 

 

Anyway, back in Pollok, Alex Nimmo pulls a jinking run out of his ass. He beats several players before hitting a powerful shot…in the wrong direction but it’s turned in by Connor Boyd. 0-1. Nimmo’s run and skill was the best on field action of the first half, and it deserved a goal. 28’ played. Pollok are playing quite good football after a shaky start, but every attack seems to go wrong at the last moment. Either with the finish or the cross or the through ball. They can’t quite get it together. 

 

 

Half time and 0-1 then. Our half time entertainment is a bunch of kids coming on and playing Wembley. Or Hampden, probably. More clubs should let the kids on at half time for a kickabout. The lad in the red looks a real prospect. Good first touch and control with the ball at his feet. You’ll go far son. Expect better defending in the pro leagues though.  

 

Pollok show some intent at levelling the scores second half and should do but the keeper and the crossbar are lobbed with the goal at their mercy. Pollok put up a good fight for 20 minutes of the second half and it feels like an equaliser is on the cards. Then they lose a goal on the break. It’s a messy one with poor attempts at clearances and Ross Clark drills home the loose ball. 0-2. 65’ gone and essentially game over. 

 

 

The fans don’t let the occasion get them down. One of the lads in the corner gets a great header back onto the pitch despite wearing glasses. Another let’s rip into the bald linesman who’s had a poor game. Unable to keep up with play. “yer a fucking disgrace pal”. Sadly, there’s no fairytale comeback for Pollok and they ship a penalty on 75’. It’s a clumsy challenge and Kyle McAvoy tucks away the spot kick for 0-3. Game over.  

 

 

FINAL SCORE: POLLOK 0 AUCHINLECK TALBOT 3  

 

Right, with that done let’s sign off from sunny Glasgow with a few scores, shall we?  

 

ATMOSPHERE: 

Pollok didn’t have much to shout about, but it was a nice friendly atmosphere with fans mixed together. We were right behind two Talbot supporters. It felt like a chill situation but also the fans were happy to air their grievances with poor touches and poor officiating. **½ 

 

COST: 

It was £9 to enter this theatre of dreams. I don’t know how that shapes up against other juniors’ teams, so we’ll call it *** 

 

QUALITY: 

It was a good game. There were definite issues on both sides, and you can see the standard at this level isn’t great. But I don’t care about that. I just want teams to have a go and they both had a go here. ***½ 

 

EASE OF ACCESS: 

The majesty of Scotrail triumphs again with Pollokshaws East train station being right next door. It’s not quite as close as St Mirren but it’s spitting distance. ***** 

 

MISC: 

The ground is a real charmer. It’s compact, aided by a small pitch, and you feel like you’re on top of the action. I can’t fault that kind of ground. It could probably use some actual seating as I can’t imagine the stone slabs are good for piles in the winter. **** 

 

OVERALL: 18 

Honestly, what a fabulous footballing experience this was. It’s made me want to see more junior fitba and it’s made me anxious to return to Scotland. I wasn’t joking when I said I’d like to come back for pre-season.