Arn Does Euro 2024 – Day 1-ish 

 

Hello friends, and welcome to my coverage of Euro 2024. I have complex feelings about this tournament. Initially my plan was to go to the tournament and stay in Germany for a week and just catch as many games as possible, but I got nothing from UEFA’s rigged ballot system and just gave up on the concept. My sadness was soon replaced by joy, on realising the Euros would coincide with some sketchy work schedules, which would allow me to watch basically the whole thing and wallow in my own football crapulence for a month. Yay! 

 

In the interests of fairness, I did complete a tournament preview before the tournament started and I picked Germany to beat England in the final. I would rather England got knocked out in the group stages, so I could enjoy the tournament but I’m predicting misery instead. I can’t see England beating any of the big boys in all honesty. My biggest underdog pick was Croatia making the quarterfinals, which now looks dumb.  

 

GERMANY 5 SCOTLAND 1 

I gave Scotland absolutely no chance here and predicted a comfortable 3-0 win for Germany. It could have been much worse, and the hosts took their foot off the accelerator in the second half. If they’d pushed like they did in the first half it could easily have been 6-0, 7-0, or even worse.  

 

Scotland didn’t turn up. The selection wasn’t great. There was no Billy Gilmour, who could put his foot on the ball and make things happen. I think Shankland was a better choice to lead the line than Che Adams, who didn’t do much of anything in his time on the field.  

 

As for Germany, we didn’t learn that much. Andrich is potentially a disaster waiting to happen, as was evidenced by his stupid yellow card. The defence was put under no real pressure. Germany vs. Switzerland should tell us more about Germany. As the Swiss are better organised, press more efficiently and are all around a better side than Scotland. 

 

HUNGARY 1 SWITZERLAND 3  

I went over to my brother’s place for lunch (spicy meatballs, hell yeah) and missed the first half. We adjourned to the local watering hole for the second half. This was a lot closer than the scoreline suggests. With the Swiss coasting at 2-0, they let the Hungarians back into it. Hungary looks exciting going forwards, but this results in suicidal defending.  

 

The chances Switzerland were getting near the end of the game, as Hungary piled forwards in search of equaliser, were almost comical. Switzerland, by comparison, looked assured and capable in almost every department. The back line isn’t as solid as the big boys in this tournament but Switzerland could go deep based on sheer competence.  

 

SPAIN 3 CROATIA 0 

This was the first time my predictions for this tournament started to fall apart. I backed Croatia because they’re tried and tested at tournament football. I looked at Spain and saw the quality they possess but disregarded it because of the inexperience in key areas. Boy, did I look like a chump by half time. 

 

Spain looks like a genuine winner. A solid back line, a very good midfield and the two young wingers look to be a difference maker. In starting Nico Williams and Lamine Yamal, Spain sent out a message. This wasn’t the normal slow-motion tiki-taka Spain. They’re coming for you, Barbara!  

 

Yamal, at a mere 16 years of age, already looks like a world beater. The precision of his ball into the box for Carvajal’s killer third was world class. Some balls into the box you just can’t defend. The only concern, if you’re a Spain fan, was the complacency around their own box for the Petkovic penalty. A shambolic series of events, which made Simon and Rodri look stupid. Croatia, reflecting their larger sense of failure, couldn’t even capitalise on this freebie. 

 

ITALY 2 ALBANIA 1  

50,000 Albanians had a lovely time at the Euros for at least 23 seconds, as they scored the quickest goal in tournament history. 15 minutes later, it was all over. Italy leading 2-1 and comfortable. Barella at the heart of their comeback. Italy showed they could turn it on, when they need to.  

 

What infuriates people about Italian football, especially the national side, is the ‘one goal is enough’ mentality and putting a game in the cooler when they have a goal lead. It’s been this way forever. Like having a one goal lead sharpens their defensive mentality. It’s only Albania, lads, just kill it off.  

 

I found myself begging for Albania to net in the late going and ruin Italy’s day. It wasn’t to be. That late Donnarumma save saved Italy’s blushes. If that had gone in, they would have looked pretty fucking stupid and it may have knocked them out of the tournament.  

 

STAND OUTS 

Florian Wirtz (Germany). A constant threat. Not a traditional winger, nor even an inside forward, he just seems to drift around and make runs and find space. His goal being a prime example of that. All of Germany’s front four did good work in terms of movement and pulled apart Scotland’s back line with relative ease. 

 

Jamal Musiala (Germany). See above. 

 

Granit Xhaka (Switzerland). A midfield general against Hungary, helped to win and retain possession throughout. Switzerland won the game in midfield where he and Freuler bullied Schafer and Nagy. Aebicher got the plaudits, because he scored, but Xhaka won that game. 

 

Fabian Ruiz (Spain). I swear people were bashing Ruiz pre-tournament and saying he wasn’t up to the task. He was outstanding! His midfield passing showed a sense of urgency, which Spain are not reknowned for. Pedri is a more traditional passer, in the Spanish sense, but Ruiz pushed them forwards quickly and got Yamal and Williams involved.  

 

Alessandro Bastoni (Italy). There’s been talk about Italy not having that defensive base, that won them the last Euros, anymore. Bastoni is a clear exception to that. His assorted duel victories against a pathetic Broja were a joy to watch. There were some Italian dark arts in there too. If Italy can defend this well all tournament, they might do ok.  

 

FLOPS 

Scotland (Scotland). A truly dreadful performance from a team that beat Spain in qualifying. Ryan Porteous got a red card for a ridiculous two-footed lunge at Gundogan. All he needed to do to turn that into a stunning block tackle was to leave his left foot tucked behind him. Idiot. The whole team was crap though.  

 

Josko Gvardiol (Croatia). Supposedly the next generation’s star player for Croatia, he was turned inside and out by Yamal. The teenager showing no fear and eviscerated Croatia’s best defender.  

 

Armando Broja (Albania). I’ve been saying this for a while now but is Broja supposed to be good or something? He scored a couple of goals for Southampton four years ago and he’s been shit ever since. And yet, every transfer window the likes of AC Milan are sniffing around him. He’s crap lads.  

 

TODAY 

 

POLAND vs NETHERLANDS 

Poland are one of the worst teams in the tournament. Lewandowski always looks isolated at these big tournaments and Poland have a good keeper and not much else. The Dutch are weird because they’ve got the best defence of anyone at the tournament. Literally elite players two deep across the back. But, their midfield is rubbish and the strikers I’m not convince about. I reckon they’ll beat Poland though. Prediction: 0-2 

 

SLOVENIA vs DENMARK 

This will be the tightest game of the day. Slovenia have only been in one finals, 2000, and will have a lot to prove. They’ve got one of the better keepers, Jan Oblak, and boast one of Europe’s most exciting forward talents in 21-year-old Benjamin Sesko. It’s in midfield where Denmark should boss the game. Slovenia don’t have the players that Denmark do in those areas. If Rasmus Hojlund turns up, Denmark might do better than expected. I’ve gone with them because of their experience at this level, which worked so well for me with Croatia! Prediction: 1-2 

 

SERBIA vs. ENGLAND 

England haven’t looked convincing in pre-tournament warm ups. They’ve taken an inexperienced bench and Southgate has only named one left back, who’s injured. He may have some exciting formational ideas up his sleeve. We will have to wait and see. Serbia are pretty good and boast goal power in Mitrovic, Jovic and Vlahovic. I wouldn’t be shocked if they bloody England’s nose in the early going. England going forwards should have too much for them and should get by. Prediction: 0-2 (but I’m far from confident about it)