Arn Does Euro 2024 – Day 2 

 

Guten morgen meine damen und herren.  

 

Unless it’s not morgen where you are. In which case amend as appropriate.  

 

Day two/three then in Euro 2024. We kick off with… 

 

POLAND 1 NETHERLANDS 2 

Poland got in front because of crap zonal defending on a corner. I blame Virgil van Dijk. He seems happy to point around at people after his teams concede. It looked like the ball landed right in his zone. Twat.  

 

Holland were ok. The issues stem from midfield, where they’re missing huge players in Frenkie de Jong and Teun Koopmeiners. The replacements were far from ideal. Reijnders and Veerman were both poor on the ball and the lack of progressive passing hurt the Dutch going forwards.  

 

Despite me hating him (for Liverpool reasons) Cody Gakpo had a fantastic first half. Going positive, being direct and running at defenders. Bednarek couldn’t cope with it.  

 

Second half saw a lot of Dutch possession with not much end result until they threw on Big Wout Weghorst, who scored with his first touch. Overall the Dutch were barely the better team, despite an enormous advantage across all stats, thanks to a lack of ambition in midfield. Both assists came from Nathan Ake, which speaks volumes.  

 

Poland had a chronic lack of quality on the ball. Zielinski was their best player, by a mile. I thought Xavi Simons was unlucky to get hooked, considering how creatively “on it” he was in the first 15:00 of the second half. The Dutch definitely deserved the win. 65% possession, 21 shots, higher xG, more set pieces, double the number of passes, double the number of attacks. It was clear who should have won.  

 

SLOVENIA 1 DENMARK 1  

For some reason I thought Slovenia had a better squad than they do. After looking down their line up here I realised I’d overestimated what they would bring to the tournament. Sure, they have Oblak and Sesko and…no one else. Denmark spent huge chunks of the game in total control. Slovenia relying on long balls over the top, in the hopes that Denmark’s offside trap would fail. 

 

Denmark were kept ticking along by Christian Eriksen. The first 45:00 was a near flawless display of game management from the Man Utd midfielder. Getting into dangerous areas on top of spraying passes around he was also the scorer of the opening goal.  

 

Not to sound too derogatory but you can tell one of Slovenia’s midfielders (Elsnik) used to play for Mansfield. If we’re looking for positives, Stojanovic looked ok down the right and made some smart runs. Sporar was full of running but no end product. Bijol looked decent at the back.  

 

In the second half, Denmark just gave up. They stopped playing. Slovenia then came storming back into it and missed a couple of sitters and hit the post, through Sesko, before scoring to make it 1-1. Denmark gave us nothing in the final 20-25 minutes. A really shockingly poor performance considering their first half dominance.  

 

In my preview, I said this would be the closest game of the day and felt like a mug at HT. I was proved correct though. By the end there was nothing in it and either team could have won.  

 

SERBIA 0 ENGLAND 1  

England did a decent job of controlling the ball in the first half but the football was turgid and they were rescued by Jude Bellingham. The second half, England were even worse. Not only did they fail to control the game, they were lucky to not get punished by a lacklustre Serbia team.  

 

Gareth Southgate never paid the price for his poor selection, nor his poor (or nonexistent) substitutions. Trent Alexander-Arnold in midfield didn’t work. Kieren Trippier was dreadful at left back, where he simply cannot play. First half stars Bellingham and Bukayo Saka both faded badly in the second half. 

 

Serbia will rue not going after England earlier in the game as they dominated the entire second half, where England just forgot how to play football. If Serbia had managed to get Vlahovic into the game more, they could have easily won.  

 

ENGLAND PLAYER RATINGS 

 

Jordan Pickford. Far too often, as always, he just hoofed the ball down the middle with no real care as to where it went. He looked panicked and has always been rubbish with the ball at his feet. He’s a dinosaur. Just because he picked out 1 (one) pass during the game doesn’t make him Ederson. *½ 

 

Kyle Walker. Thanks to Gareth Southgate being scared of the pace of…everyone, Walker once again had to sit deep. Making only one run, which completely opened up the Serbia defence. Then back to cowardice. **½ 

 

John Stones. Solid. Largely dealt with Serbian threats through the middle. Probably England’s best defender. ***½  

 

Mark Guehi. Basically the same as Stones but a little less comfortable on the ball. *** 

 

Kieran Trippier. Simply cannot play left back. A miracle England got through the game without a disaster down that flank. A poor performance from Zivkovic helped him out. * 

 

Trent Alexander-Arnold. England’s other right back played out of position. Unlike Trippier this is probably his best position but he’s still not any good in it. His misplaced passes and poor set pieces were the opposite of what was expected of him. He was also caught in possession right in front his back four. Dire. * 

 

Declan Rice. Found himself doing the work of two players, as Trent wasn’t up to it. His passing was uninspired, and he wasn’t at his best. **½ 

 

Phil Foden. Stuck out on the left, Foden naturally drifted into the middle to get more of the ball but the Total Football he had going on in his head wasn’t reflected by the players around him, who weren’t smart enough to move like him. As a result, he was in the way more often than not and he was crap in the second half. ** 

 

Bukayo Saka. England’s best ‘out ball’ in the first half. Constantly causing problems for Pavlovic. Aided by Kostic not wanting to track him. After they got yelled at during half time, Serbia contained him in the second half, and he didn’t get a sniff. ***½ 

 

Jude Bellingham. Easily England’s best player. It wasn’t even close. He started the move for the goal and finished it with his intelligent darting run into the box. Startling it’s taken having the best player in the world in the team for Southgate’s rigid refusal to give a creative midfielder a free role. ****½  

 

Harry Kane. Touched the ball once in the entire first half, which Alan Shearer said was fine because England were winning. ** 

 

Subs: 

 

Connor Gallagher. Ran around a lot.  

Jarred Bowen. Put in one sensational ball from the wing and then discovered his entire game would be marking Serbia’s left sided centre back as the team had given up by that point.  

Kobe Mainoo. Was definitely on the pitch for four minutes.  

 

 

STAND OUTS 

 

Cody Gakpo (Netherlands). It pains me to say this but Gakpo was on it from early doors. Troubling Bednarek and Frankowski down the left wing. His goal was a bit lucky but he was constantly getting into dangerous positions. Shout out to Nathan Ake for backing him up with two assists.  

 

Christian Eriksen (Denmark). Dominated an entire 45 minutes of football against Slovenia. Controlling the entire flow of everything. Disappeared somewhat in the second half but still one of the most dominant midfield halves so far.  

 

Jude Bellingham (England). What a disaster it would have been without Bellingham, head and shoulders above everyone else in his team. He created his own chance by playing it wide and then ran into the box for the finish. He had the kind of quality and class no one else could match.  

 

FLOPS 

Rasmus Hojlund (Denmark). Once again went missing in a big game. He cost Man Utd £72M.  

 

Gareth Southgate (England). Didn’t pick a left back. Picked three right backs. The two right backs who didn’t play at right back were the two worst players. Couldn’t change the game with his substitutions and indeed failed to notice the game had gone in the second half. No switches until minute 69’, where the Alexander-Arnold failure finally ended. Meanwhile Foden, who was dreadful for the entire second half, remained on for the full 90’.  

 

NEXT 

I’m at work today but I have every intention of watching the games on my phone because not much is happening now. I’m just there if something goes wrong. 

 

ROMANIA vs. UKRAINE 

I’ve found it hard to pick a winner here as Ukraine lack serious firepower and Romania are Romania. Romania tend to keep it tight and try to nick a winner. Ukraine could be given a boost as they’re playing for their country, which is still embroiled in a war with Russia. Prediction: 1-1 

 

BELGIUM vs SLOVAKIA 

Belgium will be overlooked by many in this tournament because their “golden generation” flopped under Roberto Martinez. Most of those players are still there. Notably Lukaku, de Bruyne and Witsel. They have some exciting new blood in Trossard and Doku. Like Germany and Spain, the deployment of pace in wide areas could be an issue for opposing teams. Slovakia will be competitive in the tournament but shouldn’t get close to Belgium. Prediction: 3-0  

 

AUSTRIA vs FRANCE 

Austria come in as many people’s “dark horses”. They’ll work hard and work as a team. France come into the tournament with a virus having ravaged their training and could come unstuck here. I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw an upset. Austria thumped Turkey in March (6-1) and beat Germany in a friendly at the end of 2023. France have looked out of sorts in their tournament preparations but boast the best squad in the entire thing. This is a tough one to call but it’s hard to back against Les Bleus. Prediction: 1-2 

 

 

 

Team of the Tournament (so far) 

 

GK: Oblak  

RB: Carvajal  

LB: Ake  

CB: Rudiger  

CB: Bastoni  

MF: Ruiz  

MF: Bellingham  

MF: Barella  

LW: Wirtz  

RW: Musiala  

ST: Morata