H20 Monday Night Death #5 

 

April 1, 2024 

 

WRESTLEMANIA 40 WEEK REVIEW #1 

 

Source: IndependentWrestling.TV ($10 per month) 

 

We’re in Williamstown, New Jersey, USA.  

My opening thoughts. IWTV’s player starts autoplaying all the time. If I screenshot and then click back on the open window, it plays without me touching it. Slight concern there (I got used to it). Building looks ok. Crowd is small but sometimes that’s what you need for an underground promotion. Would be better to experience in the flesh.  

 

Hardcore Scramble 

JB Anderson vs. Mouse vs. Killdozer vs. Lady Blakely vs. Kit Osbourne vs. Jess Moss 

Oh, joy of joys, first match is a goddamn scramble. Killdozer is Matt Tremont in a mask. Kit is wearing red rubber gloves, another reason to hate Roman Reigns. Jess Moss kinda looks like the Waitress from It’s Always Sunny. This is actually a seven-way dance but I can’t get the name of the seventh person because they have no graphic. I can only assume “Rip Craig?” is a late addition. Because what this match needed was more participants. 

 

The point of a scramble match is for a bunch of people to get their shit in. They’re garbage matches but generally work because they wake the crowd up. We’re doing this hardcore style, so there’s additional unprotected plunder shots to the head. Hey, we really are in Philly! Killdozer finishes by slamming Jess Moss on a board with forks sticking out of it. I think it’s safe to say this wasn’t good. It was mostly dudes hitting other dudes with trashcan lids.  

 

Also, I’m now realising how many hours of Emil Jay commentary I’m going to have to listen to this week. 

 

H20 Hybrid Championship 

President Hawkins (c) vs. GG Everson  

Hawkins, the champ, is defending the title with his two mates. So, this is 3 on 1. Comms call it a “sham of a contest”. I agree. Jonny Radex starts for his group, but they tag in and out at will. The referee has a very distracting mullet. Generally, referees should fade into the background, not draw the attention. Steve Corino would be mad. As for the match? It’s so sloppy. Hawkins kicks Everson in the groin, or around two feet away from his groin, for the win. This was really bad. Like, if I see a worse match this weekend I’ll be horrified*. The one guy on Hawkins’ team reminded me of Mass Transit. That’s NOT good. 

 

*I didn’t even make it to the end of the night, baby!  

 

Zayda Steel vs. Marcus Mathers 

Mathers brings his dog out here for some reason. The poor dog looks confused and agitated. Didn’t we learn anything from Teddy Hart and his cat? Let’s not involve our pets in pro-wrestling. They can’t consent to it.  

Zayda Steel looks the part. Despte her small frame, she walks into the building like she owns it. Mathers doesn’t work his way up to being an asshole, he starts out by punching Zayda in the face. First impressions of Marcus Mathers are that he’s an insufferable cunt. Mathers adds to my rage at his work by constantly slapping his thigh, even when he misses by a mile because he gets all worked up. Steel is actually pretty good. She doesn’t slap her thigh and her strikes look clean and crisp. Mathers can’t get over on her spots, showing a lack of athleticism, or effort, and sandbags his way through some basic bumps.  

 

They do a Code Red off the top and get the positioning wrong so Mathers lands on his head. They probably should call an audible and have that as the finish, because whatever the finish is it won’t look that good. Mathers has a chain around his neck and he’s lucky he doesn’t choke on it. Mathers continues his one way journey to being the worst worker on the planet by completely no selling a Canadian Destroyer. It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic.  

 

They start throwing out a bunch of insane head drop spots and Marcus hits his ‘finisher’, which obviously looks way tamer than all the crazy high spots, and wins. I despised this match with a fiery passion. It’s everything that’s wrong with pro wrestling in 2024. The only real positive is that a load of those high spots would have been awesome finishes but no, they had to just keep going. More and more of it. Excess for the sake of it, three matches in. You’re not the main event.  

 

George Gatton vs. Jimmy Lyon 

This match is “anything goes”, which would appear to be the promotion’s theme anyway. Lyon comes in barefoot, which is brave, and starts preaching. The crowd yell “what” at him. I hate it here.  

 

They attempt something silly and do a DDT to the floor, which looks like a running hug. This is a clumsy, untidy mess. Lyon messes up the big gusset shot to Gatton’s head by punching the ropes instead. I’m howling here.  

There’s so much blood. They have blood in their eyes and can’t see, which messes up a few spots. A sloppy Pedigree on a shopping trolley finishes for Jimmy Lyon. This was a bloody mess. I appreciate the effort here, but the blood quickly overwhelmed everything, and they could easily have bailed on the silly plunder stuff after it.  

 

Jaden Newman vs. Kennedi Hardcastle 

Another IG match. Not sure why there’s this powerful urge to do IG on the Indies now. Maybe there’s just not enough good women’s wrestlers to have women’s contests on shows? They do a weird wristlock counters sequence, which is just the same counter repeatedly. Like neither of them has a capacity to learn and just repeats the same spot. Newman has this weird wizard character in his corner. I’m not sure what purpose he serves but he needs to watch some Kevin Sullivan tapes to learn how to be spookier. Not that he’s a good fit for Newman, who claims to be a technician, not a goth.  

 

They do a chop the ring post spot and Newman handily leans in and says “move” to Kennedi before doing it. It’s pretty clear who’s calling the spots in this one. Kennedi seems lost at times. Either she has no idea what the spot is or the communication in the ring hasn’t worked.  

It shouldn’t be noticeable that someone is out of position in a match but multiple times? Not good. The fact that Newman always seems to know what the spot is suggests that he’s calling it in the ring. The match is better when they’re in contact with each other. Any time someone is running the ropes it looks like a car crash waiting to happen. Newman hooks an STF for the win. This was ok at times and not at others. It never made sense though. If Newman is this great technician, how did he keep getting caught in submission attempts?  

 

Tank vs. Louie Ramos 

Hey, two guys who’ve spent the past 20 years doing garbage matches on the Indies.  

The match has a lot of this. Gouging at foreheads with sharp objects. If that’s your thing then get on this. Lots of head stabbing to enjoy here. The actual wrestling in this is the worst of the entire night. The punches are dreadful. The bumps are awful. They sure do bleed a lot though. Tank wins with a backdrop driver. Amazingly this was the worst match of the night. Are we into negative stars already? Yeah, yeah, we are. 

 

H20 Tag Team Championship 

Michigan Pillars (c) vs. Chris Bradley & Kristian Ross 

The Pillars are Malcolm Monroe III and Tommy Vendetta. The one with pink hair looks a bit like the Sandman. He’s a hockey player apparently? I didn’t catch his name, but I think it’s Darren McCarty. Please let me know if that’s wrong. Malcolm Monroe III takes about 30 seconds to convince me he’s the best wrestler on the card. He’s smooth, athletic and grasps the art of storytelling and how different sized guys require different moves.  

 

It’s a pity everyone else in the match is a big heavyweight slug. MM3 could use someone to bounce off. The match feels really long, especially when MM3 is out on the apron. Ross feels like he moves in slow motion, which doesn’t help. They botch the big spot on Bradley (2h4m Maffew, if you’re reading) and beat Ross to retain. MM3 looks like a talent. Apart from his work, the match was bad.  

 

H20 Championship 

Austin Luke (c) vs. Deklan Grant  

Two wrestlers, not a surname between them. Cannot be trusted. Seeing as Grant is wearing one, it’s surprising to me how many dudes are still wrestling in t-shirts. There must have been a dozen guys working this show wearing t-shirts. Presumably because of poor conditioning. The issue with having a 3-hour show is I’m starting to mentally drift, which is bad news for the bigger matches. 

 

Austin Luke feels like a good talent. His movement around the ring is decent and he’s starting to develop a personality where he happily mouths off at fans. He’s not loud enough though. If you’re going to mouth off at a fan, do it nice and loud so everyone can hear. Things get untidy on the mat, but they run off some nice standing counters. I particularly like Austin going for the G2S and Grant blocking it with both hands.  

 

They do a really bad Stunner into the rope assisted lariat though. I don’t like that at all. The selling is all over the place in this. They’re not quite sure when to sell heavily and when to not sell at all. The lack of experience is palpable. As with Mathers-Steel match earlier, they do some cool looking shit. The execution is somewhat better here and I’m more inclined to permit it because this is a title match. The spots are overkill quite often though. Austin finishes with G2S after some stand up strikes. This was ok. **½ 

 

Easily MOTN so far. I was impressed with Austin Luke. The match had some flaws, but the stand-up countering was pretty good. Austin needs reps to get better and ideally with a higher quality of opponent. No offence to Deklan Grant, who looked ok. Post match the reverend fella comes out and challenges Austin to defend against Tank tomorrow and he’s all “aight”. Dylan Hales takes over on comms.  

 

Danny Havoc Hardcore Championship  

Neil Diamond Cutter (c) vs. Joel Bateman vs. Colby Corino  

Colby always felt like he had a shot at genuine stardom, as a second-generation wrestler. Cutter comes out to “Sweet Caroline” and honestly, if I never hear that song again, I would be fine with that. Colby, at 5’ 7”, is the biggest man in the match. It’s a proper juniors match. We have garbage here; the strips that hold carpet down and light tubes. Instead of that we lean into headbutts, and Bateman gets opened up hardway from a headbutt. Sickening stuff.  

“Bleed like a Corino, Colby”. Cutter comes up with one of the dumbest spots I’ve seen in ages; a Russian legsweep onto the carpet strips. At least he rolls around afterwards, admitting he’d done something dumb. Neil generally does stupid things. That’s his gimmick. Due to the brutal nature of the match, they can sell heavily and do a decent job of it. It actually makes the big light tube and assorted plunder shots feel important.  

 

They try and do some wrestling in between, which I also like. If there’s ever a match to ‘get your shit in’ it’s a hardcore three-way with light tubes everywhere. Hit whatever you fucking want lads. Go for it. I love Bateman not being able to get a pin because he has to stop and pull broken glass out of his hand. Bateman should have it with a piledriver on a chair, but Colby breaks up the pin with a chair shot. I love that too. Bateman dies on cinderblocks and Cutter gives Colby the DVD onto the poor bastard to retain and pin both guys. Honestly, this was surprisingly great. A big old hardcore mess. Carnage. I love it. The piledriver on the chair is my first audible pop of the weekend. ***½ 

 

The 411: 

The show was way too long and a lot of it sucked but the last hour was genuinely decent. The hardcore three-way main was beautiful violence. Kudos to everyone involved. Blew away the rest of the card.