ICW No Holds Barred Vol 61: International Death Summit (5.4.24) review 

 

April 5, 2024 

 

WRESTLEMANIA WEEK REVIEW #15 

 

Source: Independent Wrestling.TV ($10 per month) 

 

We’re in Williamstown, New Jersey at the H20 building. After the mundane nature of today’s reviews, I’m switching it up to some goddamn death matches. Let’s break light tubes over our heads and inhale tiny fragments of glass for 2h30m. Why is it so long? Why is everything so long Americans? I’m legitimately fuming. Joseph Janela booked a near five-hour show and that ECW tribute show is enormous. I legitimately won’t have time to do everything because of your collective stupidity, so cheers, thanks for that.  

 

Demanto welcomes us to the show with “whats up motherfuckers?” Oh, hell yeah, I’m pumped already.  

 

Death Match 

Eric Ryan vs. Yusaka Ito 

Yusaka Ito? That’s a deep cut import, brrrrrother. He’s the CRAZY OCTOPUS. Ito, about two moves in, starts chewing on the broken light tube. This is the kind of show to shake the funk off a brother in the middle of Wrestlemania shows.  

People definitely should have worn masks to this show. Not to prevent the spread of Covid but because they’re inhaling light tube. Terracotta pots come into play also. The mat is so covered in glass and bits of pot that any bump is a horrendous back laceration. The John Woo dropkick with light tubes is glorious. So much violence. So many light tubes. I’m giggling uncontrollably. You can see a fine mist in the air. THAT’S BAD. Ryan eats a piledriver off the ropes, through light tubes on a pair of chairs. Holy fucking shit. This was insane. ***½ 

 

Now this is cinema.  

 

Cogar Brothers vs. Michigan Pillars 

The Cogars suggest “tag rules” and Little Mean Kathleen, on comms, says “eww”. Who wants a straight up tag on a death match show? I don’t want a straight tag on a normal show. Atticus changes his mind about the violence and throws a chair, LEGS FIRST, at Tommy Vendetta.  

Oh no. Real glass! Fuck you, CM Punk. The crowd chant “who is legal”. Is every match going to make me laugh out loud? What a marvellous experience. They bring referee, Cody “Shiny Shoes” Manhorn, into the action and that goes BADLY. MM3, crazy motherfucker that he is, takes an Air Raid Crash on the top of that little platform. What the actual fuck? I would say ‘naturally it’s over’ but he kicks out and the Cogars hit their tag finish instead. This was also good but not notebook good. They pissed about in ‘normal’ tag action before going psycho crazy. Qu’est-ce que c’est?  

 

Shazza McKenzie vs. Tara Zep 

Shazza is in jeans and a t-shirt so I can only assume this is a Bunkhouse Brawl.  

AH! I jumped. What a fucking look this is. Tara has some issues with a chair shot and if I was them, I wouldn’t leave the ring. That’s where all the broken glass is. They have a few clunky bits with plunder. Shazza looks annoyed and has a nosebleed. I hope this turns into a shoot. Shazza does the splits on a pack of light tubes and it’s for the best she’s got jeans on.  

Oh no. Zep lands this and wins. This was fucking great. Zep is an instant favourite. *** 

 

Death Match  

Clint Margera vs. Hoodfoot  

Not sure how many people know this, but Clint is Trent Seven’s brother. It’s odd seeing him compete on Mania weekend while Trent is sat in a chippy in Wolverhampton. You can argue about death matches having no psychology, but Margera is out here working the arm. “We’re seeing the technical application of a light tube to the face”.  

That big old construction in the corner there is the finish. When you have a light tube cabin you’re not finishing with a spear through a table.  

THE REF HAS BARBWIRE IN HIS HAIR. NOOOO! Hoodfoot misses his chance to win because he stops to take in the scenery and Clint puts him through the cabin with a DVD. I AM CACKLING. The spots didn’t quite land how they wanted so it’s not making the snowflake rating, but it was extremely entertaining.  

 

I AM REJUVENATED. You know how down I was before this show? I was genuinely considering jacking the whole Wild Ride in and just quitting. I am sick and finding this hard going at my rapidly advancing years but fuck it, I’m ALL IN.  

 

Danny Demanto vs. Alex Colon  

This was a Demanto open challenge after MIKEY WHIPWRECK pulled out. While he is disrobing Demanto gets hit in the spine by a stack of tubes. Colon has a SHIV. An actual shiv.  

Oh no. What is that thing? They both go through it. Holy shit. The sound of light tubes breaking was so loud. Not content with that, they get a WHOLE BOX OF LIGHT TUBES and just hit each other with them in bar fight style. They both look so exhausted. There’s a funny bit where Colon is doing the finish, a submission, and spots a stack of light tubes he’s not broken and throws them all at Demanto before strapping the finish back on. Wonderful. ***¼  

 

Post Match: Alex Colon calls out Atticus Cogar and yells abuse at him.  

 

IWTV Championship 

Krule (c) vs. Tank vs. Lou Nixon vs. Neil Diamond Cutter 

Krule does the whole ‘terrifying gaijin in Japan’ but he’s doing it with a death match crowd. It’s the mask. He scares me. Krule is terrifying in the ring too. He just throws Cutter around like he’s nothing. Imagine if Kane was actually good and actually scary. He strongly reminds me of Jason in the Friday 13th movies. Krule and Tank brawl out to the smoking area briefly. The second time the smoking area has seen action this weekend after MAO and Makowski at the brewery. Krule ends up manhandling Cutter for the win. This was ok but a bit all over the shop.  

 

Post Match: Krule starts barking into the microphone. I’m glad he’s an enormous mark for his character. He calls out Jon Gresham after their conflict yesterday. 

 

Death Match 

Bobby Beverly vs. Joel Bateman  

I love the Bev. His clockwork orange match at Circle 6 last year was the tits. As we start there’s a lot of glass in the ring. Is there a good way to take a light tube shot? I ask because Bateman takes two across the back and it fucks him up something fierce. We go from light tubes to shoot headbutts and they both get busted wide open. Was broken glass not excessive enough that we had to do headbutts? Bateman is fucked up. He’s bleeding from all over the place. There’s a tree of light tubes in the corner and Bev runs Bateman into that and pins him. Horrendous stuff. *** 

 

ICW American Death Match Championship 

Killdozer (c) vs. Vic Craig vs. Danny Darko vs. Green Phantom 

If you were in the crowd at this show, you’re going to find broken glass in your clothes tomorrow. They cut away from Craig and Tremont for a few seconds and when they come back to them, they’re both covered in blood. The canvas is covered in broken glass. Everyone bleeds immediately after taking a bump. Green Phantom, the big weirdo, doesn’t take any bumps. Sensible. Darko takes a bump through a pane of glass without spilling his beer. That’s commitment to the bit. 

Tremont is bleeding so much that the stack of light tubes under him is covered in blood. Killdozer finishes with a chokeslam on Vic Craig. Good lord, this was violent. ***¼  

 

The 411: 

This is exactly what I needed to chase away the blues from my disappointment earlier in the day. A tremendous show with bags of effort. Any time I thought something wasn’t going to kick ass, it immediately did. A big win. Arguably the second best show this week behind DEAN~!!!