Progress Wrestling Chapter 166: Freedom Walks Again (4.4.24) review 

 

April 4, 2024 

 

WRESTLEMANIA WEEK REVIEW #14  

Is that all? I feel like I’ve been doing these forever. Why is everything so fucking long?  

 

Source: Triller TV+ (£7.99 per month) 

 

I swore blind I would never watch another Progress show, but Wrestlemania makes you do weird things. I asked Aqeel if I could skip it and he said no. To help me get through this I’ve drafted in Eddie Sideburns for assistance. Host in the ring is Low Calorie Valerie. Not really the same without Jim Smallman, is it? Yanks on comms too. Fucking shambles. Progress is pronounced incorrectly the whole show.  

 

Gringo Loco vs. Cody Chhun vs. Simon Miller vs. Kid Lykos II vs. Tate Mayfairs vs. Marcus Mathers vs. Leon Slater 

Oh good, a scramble, said nobody ever. ALL THE STARS ARE HERE. Gringo Loco doesn’t give a fuck about this. He just doesn’t care. Cody is ok. Most of the workers are the drizzling shits. Miller sucks. Mayfairs sucks. Leon Slater does some decent high spots. The dive over the buckles is neat. Nelson finishes with a brainbuster. A whole lot of meh and some spots and whatnot. Next. 

 

Progress Atlas Championship 

Ricky Knight Jr (c) vs. YOICHI 

What happened to the lower weight limit for this belt? There’s no way RKJ is over 205lbs. YOICHI is a good boy. He hits hard and doesn’t do stupid shit like clapping his hands on a dropkick. YOICHI’s giant chest area allows a fantastic target for chops.  

That doesn’t really excuse RKJ’s technique leaving YOICHI a mess. Ricky unloads his entire arsenal, or thereabouts, and poor YOICHI just keeps on ticking. To be fair, the crowd get very into YOICHI’s persistent survival and chant “you can’t beat him”. YOICHI should win with a stiff lariat but that’s not his finish, so he pops off the Muso to win the belt. This was good, at times, and they built nicely to a huge finish but then didn’t hit the finish. ***¼ 

 

Gene Munny & Session Moth Martina vs. Effy & Allie Katch 

“I don’t want to watch this” – Eddie. The booking of Gene makes me sad because he’s genuinely talented but now he’s stuck doing comedy matches because he’s good at them. Martina’s gimmick is going to get sadder and sadder as she gets older.  

Allie gets so attached to Martina she wants to swap partners, which I don’t think is legal.  

 

“I am in hell” – Eddie. 

 

“Oh, fuck off, fuck off” – Eddie. 

 

They don’t have enough comedy stuff to do a comedy match so give up and do a normal match with comedic miscues and Gene eats the pin. This was bad. I’m shocked Allie Katch would add absolutely nothing to proceedings. 

 

Spike Trivet vs. Luke Jacobs 

“Oh, look who it is; a Watford cunt”. Comms claim Trivet is the “next break out star from the UK”. No, no he isn’t. “Spike Trivet looks like a homeless man” – Eddie. Comms compare Trivet to Darby Allin. Hahaha. Get a grip. At least Luke is in this match, but it feels like a complete waste of him. Spike spends the whole match slapping away on his thigh. It ends and somehow that was only 10 minutes long. It felt so long. If you’re so shit at wrestling that you drag down talent like Luke Jacobs you need to reconsider your place in the business. Either you need to radically rethink what you’re doing or just fucking retire. Preferably the latter.  

 

Progress Women’s Championship 

Rhio (c) vs. Lana Austin  

Eddie, having clearly had enough, announces he’s “going for a shit” and doesn’t pause the show. Rhio has flown the ICW title over to the USA. Why would you do that? Such a mark. Rhio does a terrible tope. Just commit to it. Lana does the worst “move” the fans spot I’ve ever seen. I am embarrassed for her. She has no presence at all.  

 

Eddie’s PC decides to crash. “I can see bits of it” he tells me before disappearing offline. In his absence, I debate bailing on the entire cursed show. I wouldn’t have booked it like this, that’s for sure. This match is not helping. I would not have booked this match at all. Why would you put a comedy act into the title shot, treat the match as a joke and then have it go 13 fucking minutes.  

 

PROGRESS Tag Team Championship 

Cheeky Little Buggers (Alexxis Falcon & Charles Crowley) (c) vs. The Sunshine Machine (Chuck Mambo & TK Cooper) vs. SAnitY (Axel Tischer & Big Damo) 

The Cheeky Little Buggers do some sex related stuff to no reaction at all. No one wants to see Joey Ryan spots after Speaking Out, Charles you insufferable prick. Oh, and while we’re at it; magic tricks? Fuck off. The match is bad around him too. Big Teeks and Axeman have a serious miscue that looked dreadful. Chuck Mambo looks like he’ll make it out unscathed, surrounded by disaster, but he falls off the ropes. They attempt a hot stretch but it’s all at half speed compared to the other big hot stretches this weekend. The crowd chant “this is awesome” as Damo botches something in the corner and out of nowhere a spot finishes for Sanity. Good grief. 

 

Progress Championship 

Kid Lykos (c) vs. Man Like Dereiss 

The best part of this show has been watching Lee McAteer in the background on his phone the whole show. Barely even able to watch his own product. As a main event this is a bad idea. It would have been ok at 8-9 minutes and second on the card but as a main it’s just painfully mid. They don’t have a top tier match in them. They do some decent sequences, but the match (and show) is just too long. After a few exciting near falls Lykos just hits a random rope spot and that finishes. This was decent. Second best match on the show. Way too long though. Lots of filler.  

 

The 411: 

Well, it was shit wasn’t it? The main event was ok, and the Atlas match was good. That’s it. Skip the rest.