Unsanctioned Pro: Mulligan 

 

April 2, 2022 

 

We’re in Dallas, Texas at Fair Park. This ran against Night One of Wrestlemania and I completely respect that. Which will be the better show? Only time will tell*. It’s fair to say that WrestleMania probably has the attendance edge. On the hard-cam side there are 14 people. Hosts are Emil Jay, Stepstool Sarah and Veda Scott (on two person rotation). Jay is losing his voice having done ring announcing all weekend.  

 

* SPOILER: Unless WWE has a shocker, I think they’ve got this.

 

Unsanctioned Pro Tag Team Championship 

Cincinnati’s Most Wanted (c) vs. YoKai  

The champs come out to Guns n’ Roses so I’ll be supporting them today. There is a huge size difference between the tiny challengers and massive champs. Lord Crewe is particularly large. Crewe doesn’t sound very badass to me. It makes me think of the town in Cheshire. This match has a lot of issues. Principally there is one main flaw: it’s bad. There are just too many moments where there’s a guy just standing there waiting to be hit. They try and make up for it by having big cool high spots, usually involving the murder of Yoya. In fairness to Janai Kai, she unleashes her best looking kicks all weekend here. Aaron Williams is particularly guilty of waiting for stuff. Like picking someone up of the mat and getting caught. Why is he taking so long to pick Janai up? Because there’s no spot. The timing isn’t there. Lord Crewe grows on me and spends most of the match yeeting Yoya halfway across the ring. This should have wrapped up much quicker. *½ 

 

Lexus Montez vs. Kevin Blackwood vs. Bryan Keith 

I generally don’t like triple threat matches but they can work…and they can be terrible. This is clear early on when Blackwood has to wait for Montez to charge in. He’s already halfway through the motion of bieling him into the corner. They have some cutesy triple threat spots but there’s also big chunks where one dude is lying around doing nothing. The match works best when they’re scrapping three-way. That also gets the best crowd reactions. Stick with that instead of the nonsense spots and maybe this match would have worked. It doesn’t help that they blow the set up to the finish and that the finish is a fucking Shining Wizard. This was a disaster. Everyone looked terrible. * 

 

Nate Webb vs. Ace Perry vs. The Whisper vs. Everett Cross vs. Billy Mike Swanson vs. Sam Stackhouse 

The parade of hopeless pro wrestling continues. If you blow the opening spot in a scramble that’s a concern. Webb is the only competent looking guy in this because he goes around headlocking everyone. I’ve seen a fair few scramble matches from this weekend and most of them were ok. Swanson tries really hard to make sure this one works. They try and insert the dumbest spot of the weekend with Webb managing to hit a Stunner on everyone else. You’d think a five-man Stunner would get a big reaction but nope. I’ve never seen such a dead crowd for a spotfest. Perry hits a diving cutter to pin Webb and that’s the match. Some of this worked but it was probably the worst scramble match I saw all weekend. **¼ 

 

Kristian Robinson vs. Billie Starkz 

Robinson has Sk8rboi on his trunks like a licence plate. They do some nice near miss stuff to establish parity, forcing Robinson to break out his skateboard in an attempt to one-up Billie. This match has decent in-ring and innovation. There’s a little too much thigh slapping for my liking but it’s the best match on the show so far. Billie feels a little awkward running into position for stuff but they make amends by delivering on my kind of shit; trading suplexes and strikes.  

Robinson sneaks out of a pinfall and hooks a crossface for the submission. I didn’t like the finish and a few awkward moments brought this down but I enjoyed it way more than anything else on the show. **¾ 

 

Fuck Jeffrey John Gauntlet 

Jeffrey John is a participant. If he wins, does he have to fuck himself? Morgan Taylor is first. He comes out here to the Darkness so I’m happy with that. I don’t like gauntlet matches either. I glance away and Taylor has lost. Huh. Up next is Ron Bass Jr. I have no idea if he’s related to Ron Bass, but Ron Bass is one of my favourite wrestlers of all time so if he’s bringing that old school style, I’m all for it. Most of his work is snug and involves beating Jeffrey John up. They have a horrible finish where John throws powder in Bass’ eyes and rolls him up.  

 

There are simple things in wrestling. Emil Jay never bothers to explain why Jeffrey John is in a gauntlet match, who he is and what the point of any of this is. AKIRA is the final participant. He chucks Jeffrey John around for a while. AKIRA finishes by pulling out some light tubes and breaking them over John’s head. That’s it. AKIRA is a good wrestler and I enjoyed Bass Jr but I don’t see what the point of any of this was. I’m merely told Jeffrey John is a bad person. All he did in the match was get beaten up. *¾ 

 

I guess he’s evil because he has a head scarf and can’t sell a finish. I don’t know what kids think is an evil look anymore. 

 

Robert Martyr vs. Charlie Tiger 

This is mostly fine with the odd awkward moment. They keep it basic with a simple story of Tiger’s power vs. Martyr’s speed. Power wins out and Charie Tiger wins with a piledriver. This worked for me. It got better towards the end. Solid wrestling. **¾ 

 

OWA Heavyweight Championship 

Tre Lamar (c) vs. TIM 

Lamar is the first, and to date only, OWA champion as the promotion didn’t exist pre-pandemic. TIM re-injures his leg in the early going and what follows is a real mixed bag of limb selling. TIM opts for the Rob Van Dam school of selling, which involves hitting all your moves anyway but then holding your leg. Lamar is even more frustrating, frequently in position to attack the injured body part and just not doing so. TIM does make a point of screaming in pain whenever possible but the finish of this match HAS to be a submission. It has to. Lamar finishes with a top rope elbow on a prone TIM. It makes sense, I guess, as TIM cannot move but this match was all over the place. ** 

 

Unsanctioned Pro Heavyweight Championship 

Cole Radrick (c) vs. Mike Bailey 

Micky Speedbollocks has been busy. He’s still got one more match after this. Radrick has had a solid weekend, including stealing the Planet Death show. It’s nice to see Bailey in a match where his opponent is the same size and speed. It allows him to tell a completely different story to his usual kicks/speed vs. whatever he’s facing. Here it’s speed vs. speed. For Cole it’s a big challenge as it’s tough to keep up with Bailey but he does it. After about two minutes it’s obvious they’re going to steal the show.  

Bailey even leans heel in this to try and ensure the champ gets sympathy. This is intensified by Radrick’s busted head opening up and Bailey punts him in the cut. Radrick plays his babyface underdog role to perfection, showing enough fight to not be completely hopeless but also showing a lot of vulnerability. Radrick may be the most improved wrestler in the world over the past 2 years. They do such a good job of telling a story here that the crowd goes nuts when they hit a picture-perfect double KO high kick.  

I don’t even hate the head kicks in this because Radrick sells them like death and they’re almost all dramatic kick outs. I also love Bailey pulling a one count kick out to fuck with Cole who proceeds to take offence and hit him with a barrage of all his best shit for the win. I loved this. I loved the crowd reaction too. They missed WrestleMania to watch this and they are LOVING this decision right now. ****¼ 

 

That legitimately is in my top five matches of the weekend. Both of them have been great this weekend so for them to do this with each other is so emotionally satisfying. I loved what they did here. The balance of their offence. Bailey leaning heel to ensure Cole gets the right reactions. The selling. The spots. So good. Great match.  

 

Unsanctioned Pro Hardcore Championship 

Alex Colon (c) vs. Kevin Giza  

Colon only one this strap a week ago, beating Giza. I like Colon but this is a tough spot to follow that match. They even do some cool shit like a Russian legsweep off the top where Colon lands on the apron. It’s a sprint with them destroying shit at breakneck pace. There’s no selling at all and they do all the spots. Giza gets an armbar and Colon randomly taps out. Everyone is confused they did a three-minute epic. I thought it was funny. I’m guessing they were running low on time. This is still less stupid than Blackcraft: No Apologies, the all-time God of over-running. **½ 

 

Death Match 

Casanova Valentine vs. Hoodfoot 

I’ve seen Casanova Valentine a few times and usually he’s in no-ring matches. He’s a bar fight kinda guy. Hoodfoot and Valentine spend the match hitting each other with plunder. There’s a lot of blood. Casanova tears the groin out of his wrestling trousers.  

If these gentlemen were wrestling in the 1990s at least one of them would have been thrown off a scaffold by New Jack. They produce a board of knives. Yes, KNIVES. Valentine slams Hoodfoot on it and that’ll be the end of this evening’s stupidity. Thank you for coming. *½ 

 

The 411:
Obviously this is a very one match show but the match kicks ass so you should definitely watch it. Sit through the whole show so you can see how much the bar is raised by Mike Bailey and Cole Radrick for their match. I also want you to suffer as much as I did. Aqeel wants an apology for me abusing him during the early part of this show

and, you know what, he can have it. Speedball-Radrick ruled. Very glad I checked this show out for that match alone.