UWF Fury Hour December 1990  

 

UWF Fury Hour #10  

 

December 10, 1990  

 

Confession time. I have NO clue is this is actually the right episode. UWF stopped numbering their shows. The show that has been uploaded to YouTube has Fury Hour #10 as the description but the show line up is the line up for the show that aired on December 24, 1990 (according to Cagematch). So, if the shows are out of order we have “Main Event Comedy”, who uploaded them, to blame for it. We will discover, no doubt, as the month goes on*. 

 

*Pretty sure the uploader was correct and it may have aired as a repeat on December 24, 1990, as well so I’m not blaming Cagematch for the date error.   

 

Taped: November 11, 1990. 

 

Herb introduces the history of the Cactus Jack-Jay Strongbow feud. It’s weird how Cactus has no jobber matches and has storylines in every match.  

I would bet anything this ends in a DQ. Anything. Herb doesn’t understand what grudge matches are and how to book them.  

 

We also get Brian Blair addressing Bob Orton for headbutting Honey Bee last week. He’s not particularly mad about it. Orton reponds in comical fashion saying it’ll be a street fight when they meet.  

 

Larry Zbyszko vs. Kevin Benjamin 

Larry’s name is still spelled wrong. It’s making me question whether it’s me that’s spelling it wrong, but I’ve looked it up. Herb is wrong, I am right. I’ve never liked Larry, because he’s boring, but I understand his appeal. I imagine he was fun to watch live because everything he does is crowd interaction. The idea that “smart marks” didn’t like him because he concentrated on heat and stuff is bollocks. He never made the transition to TV where you need to work the marks at home as well as the marks in the arena. Anyway, he wins with an abdominal stretch because that’s how fucking dull he is. 

 

We get a little angle here where “the powers that be” have told Herb to talk to Larry Sampson about RACISM. Herb is pulling a full-on Vince McMahon here but unlike McMahon, he’s never bothered to install an on-air authority figure who can actually tell us stuff.  

It’s a funny segment as it exposes Herb’s actual height. Look at how TINY he is. He’s been standing on a box next to Bruno for weeks.  

 

Colonel de Beers vs. Bulldozer 

The referee has a huge blonde mullet. De Beers finally got himself an Arayan official. They give Bulldozer some offence here! He’s a big fat guy and he gets a Stinger Splash in. It looks pretty good! De Beers finishes with the State of Emergency (it’s a DDT mate). “I’m happy the referee is a caucasion” says Herb. Oh, boy.  

 

Steve Ray vs. Louie Spicolli  

The local marks are into this. There is a developing heel section, which chants “cutie pie” at Louie. This is more what you would expect from an early 90s start up. Two young wrestlers who don’t know what they’re doing, learning the biz in front of a few hundred fans. And, because Herb is nuts, a NATIONAL TV AUDIENCE. The crowd start chanting “Wild Thing’s a woman” at Steve Ray. WHAT?  

 

The match is nicely competitive, and it doesn’t feel like a squash. Steve Ray shows his inexperience in a few bumps. His body positioning on taking a backbreaker is just weird. It looks like Spicolli is wrestling an ironing board, he’s so stiff. The crowd being into Spicolli certainly improves the match, although the chanting is frequently questionable. Steve Ray does rather ruin proceedings by finishing with an awful top rope splash. A good competitive match up though. **¼ 

 

Captain Lou’s Corner 

His guest this week; Don Muraco! This guy is a bum but he’s a big guy and he looks like a star. This is where he went between WWF and ECW. Muraco isn’t a bad wrestler, per se, but he will do the bare minimum. We go to Herb who tells us about their January shows in New York City. They’re shooting in a hotel opposite MSG. The “Rumble in the Big Apple” on January 9. Should have been the Grapple in the Big Apple, Herb. Or the Rumble in the Urban Jungle.  

 

Ask the Wrestlers 

Bruno answers by reeling off almost every single opponent he had. Killer Kowalski, Don Leo Jonathan and Ivan Koloff are his “top three”. A simple Q&A and they can’t even do that. I blame Bruno, who is such a politician when he talks about people.  

 

Viking vs. Robbie Allen 

“Just a big, big guy. Huge arms, huge shoulders. Uhhhh” – Bruno about to ejaculate. Tony Halme keeps it very basic this week and doesn’t fuck anything up. Most of his strikes look terrible and the finish, a spinebuster, looks lousy but he doesn’t actually botch.  

 

The venue for the New York shows is the Pennsylvania Hotel on 7th Avenue. It’s opposite MSG. The hotel was still there pre-Covid but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be demolished. It’s prime real estate and the hotel has been closed for years.  

 

John Tolos gets another promo from outside his limo. He tells us he’s added Greg “The Hammer” Valentine to the stable. Wait, what? He’s in the WWF! How did Herb get a loan on Valentine? Was it an apology for signing Andre?  

 

Cactus Jack vs. Jay Strongbow 

Jay is inconsistent. His chops are decent, but he follows up with knees, which are not good. The crowd is loudly pro-Cactus. He’s spent the entire run here just thrilling the locals. Jay’s selling usually involves going limp, which works on some stuff but not on follow ups. Herb calls Cactus “suicidal and homicidal” here. Man, just a genocidal away from being Sabu. Cactus uses the old international object. “Fans cheering on Captain Jack” – Herb. Wrestling legend, Captain Jack! 

 

Jay is out of position on the floor for their big brawl and that leaves Jack just standing there like an idiot. Mick is too good to be in this promotion, guys. Jay finds the international object. “THERE’S THE GIMMICK” yells Herb. Hahaha. HE’S SHOOTING! Jay punches the referee, for some reason, and we get a DQ. I TOLD YOU! Big win for Captain Jack. This was fun. Every Mick Foley match in UWF is far better than it should be.  

 

Afterwards they brawl around on the floor. Strongbow goes back to chat to comms and Herb suggests he challenge him to an “Indian death match”. “INDIAN STRAP MATCH” yells Jay. Good lord, Herb. We haven’t got long until he decides to hire an actual commentator, thank fuck. His whole shtick of not being the owner is hilarious when it cuts to the credits and it says “ABRAMS PRODUCTIONS” in huge letters. Mark. Idiot.  

 

Fury Hour #11 

 

December 17, 1990 

 

Video Control starts with Colonel de Beers claiming black people are getting success because of people like him and he adds “racists” and looks straight into camera. Herb, mate, what are you doing? This is arguably much worse than Vince McMahon closeted racism. Herb is trying to start race riots. IN LOS ANGELES.  

 

Good news from ringside as Herb has finally replaced himself on commentary with Craig DeGeorge. The former WWF (of course) commentator is feeling his way into sportscasting and Herb snapped him up. He teams up with Bruno Sammartino here, who can’t pronounce “Craig” and calls him “Greg” the whole time. Herb just keeps on winning. 

 

Ivan Koloff vs. Matt Starr 

Bruno is into the announced weights again. He is obsessed. Adding DeGeorge has immediately improved commentary as he can actually call a match. Not brilliantly, but he can call the odd move. Koloff runs through some half-assed offence in this extended squash. It goes nearly five minutes, which seems excessive. I switch up to 1.5 speed and it feels like a modern match because that’s how slow they’re going. Koloff finishes with the sickle, a diving clothesline. He barely extends his arm on it.  

 

Post Match: Herb in his new role as “roving reporter” jumps in there to interview Ivan. He’s possibly more annoying in this new role. It does expose his height though, which is funny.  

 

Video Control gives us clips from the Orndoff-Doc feud and the chair shot that busted Orndorff open. “These two could meet in New York” says Herb. So, they are? Or what?  

 

Don Muraco vs. Intern 

The Intern is WCW jobber Johnny Rich, wearing a generic white mask. Muraco coasted through most of his WWF career, so don’t expect much here. Along with Ivan Koloff he’ll be off to early ECW after this. This match is a real stinker because Intern, probably because of the mask, struggles to bump. Muraco lazily goes through proceedings and finishes with the Hawaiian Hammer (Tombstone). This SUCKED. Herb, who cannot control himself, goes to interview Muraco too.  

 

“Bumblebee” Brian Blair vs. Riki Ataki 

Blair comes out to “You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC. He’s without Honey Bee, who Bob Orton headbutted a few weeks back. The jobber rotation is starting to get me down here as you keep seeing the same jabronies on every show. You’ve got to cycle your jobbers or you’re telegraphing results to even the dumbest of the marks. Ataki gets a lot of control here before Blair mounts a comeback and the Sharpshooter would finish but Bob Orton jumps in for the DQ. Unless Ataki already quit. Who cares either way? John Tolos whips Blair with his belt until LOU ALBANO makes the save. Hahaha. What are you doing here?  

 

Video Control gives us an advert for a limosuine service called “The Midnight Express”. Jim Cornette is going to sue you. I’m shocked Herb hasn’t tried to get Jim in considering the Midnight’s just quit WCW. Although, based on his rantings about 1990, I doubt Cornette would have wanted to leave WCW for this shit show.  

 

Captain Lou’s Corner 

Albano has Steve Ray on. He has a shouty, incoherent promo. Like he grew up on Ultimate Warrior promos on fast forward. Steve Ray makes a lot of implications in his promos that he has a lot of sex. Hey, look at me, I have a lot of sex. I’m definitely not a virgin. Sex, sex, sex, that’s all I do.  

 

Video Control takes us to Herb and Bruno, who tell us the card for New York. Zbyszko vs. David Sammartino, Blair vs Orton and Greg Valentine vs. Don Muraco. Getting Hammer on loan from WWF is probably a makeup for nicking Andre and hurting Herb’s ticket sales. They might have Orndorff vs Doc, but it’s not signed yet. They also have a Fan Expo! Damn, Herb went all out here. All his angles getting blown off in NYC. This is the first time Herb’s grand plan appears coherent. Use the TV to sell tickets to live shows.  

 

Ask the Wrestlers 

Tom Farrell from New York asks Nikita Koloff a question but it’s intercepted by Ivan Koloff, who refuses to answer it. That’s twice this gimmick has fallen flat on its face. A complete waste of time.  

 

Steve Ray vs. Blue Knight 

UWF continues to try and create a star in Steve Ray. Everything about Steve Ray isn’t as good as he thinks it is. Steve makes a horrible mess of an armdrag in this, which sums up how rushed his work is. He’s so sloppy. It’s not just his work though. His entrance is sloppy. His promos are sloppy. His look is sloppy. Blue Knight nut shots him. Hey, he needs that to have sex with all the women he’s definitely having sex with. Ask him, he’ll tell you. Anyway, powerbomb finishes for Ray.  

 

Colonel de Beers vs. Mystery Opponent 

You would think, logically, this is Larry Sampson but he’s the referee. So, literally any black guy? Nope, it’s Louie Spicolli. As he runs through his spots, it occurs to me they should have just pushed Spicolli. He’s not very good but he’s over and he’s better than Steve Ray. The worst thing Spicolli does here is lift a Mr Perfect corner flip bump, which looks stupid. De Beers takes over and the DDT finishes. Colonel de Beers looked ok here. Generally, credit to Spicolli for his performance. Good stuff. Like ** territory. 

 

Post Match: de Beers gets into it with Larry Sampson (called “Sanders” by DeGeorge) and Iceman Parsons makes the save. They finally found a black guy for de Beers to wrestle!  

 

UWF Fury Hour #12  

 

December 31, 1990 

 

We are so close to the end of 1990, I can feel it. And what more appropriate way to end a dissappointing 1990 for North America than spending an hour in the company of Herb Abrams booking. Hosts are Craig DeGeorge & Bruno Sammartino.  

 

 

We start off with Herb’s latest scheme; the UWF Hotline. I can’t help but notice he got “420” in there. Of course he did. We get a quick interview with the Viking who suggests they should also sell life insurance.  

 

Viking vs. Al Lion 

Lion has a baseball gimmick. For some unknown reason they decide to have Halme take some armdrags. That goes about as well as you’d expect. They screw up the International. This is on TV btw. This was TAPED. They botch again and Halme resorts to clubbing blows because he can’t botch those. This was brutal. Easily negative stars. Why on earth did they air this dogshit match?  

 

Video Control takes us to John Tolos and “Big Orton”. You couldn’t remember his name John? He then goes on to say they’re doing to dismember Brian Blair. Literally, suggesting they’re going to tear his arms and legs off and KILL HIM in the ring. John Tolos was a horrible promo. I can’t believe they signed him to do talking for people like Bob Orton, who could already talk.  

 

Bob Orton vs. Terry Cooley 

Cooley is an enormous black man. He looks like a mini-Headhunter. He’s fat enough that he has that little jelly roll on the back of his head. Bruno gets bored and starts talking about wrestling newsletters. Orton wins with a figure four, which is challenging as Cooley’s legs are so fat.  

 

King Parsons vs. Louie Spicolli  

Iceman Parsons debuted last week, attacking de Beers. He comes out to “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice, showing Herb’s love of subtlety. Parsons was a decent star in the 80s and I’ve seen him work NWA territories, Memphis and World Class. The fact he’s in UWF shows his star has waned somewhat. I’m impressed with Spicolli in this run. He’s been given the same opening as all the jobbers, but he’s stood out by a mile. A lot of the jobbers have treated this like ‘we are enhancement’. Enhancement shouldn’t try and get over. Spicolli knows this is the wild west. Fuck the rules.  

 

Spicolli would continue as a WWF jobber until 1994 when he started working for AAA as “Madonna’s Boyfriend” and got over. His reward was WWF turning him into “Rad Radford”. That worked out about as well as expected. He would go on to make a name for himself in ECW in the mid 90s before dying of a drug overdose at just 27 years old. Parsons makes short work of him here. Of all the jobbers, Spicolli has stood out the most. I kinda wish Herb had just pushed him. It’s a brave new world, create new stars. 

 

Parsons cuts a charismatic promo afterwards saying he protected Larry Sampson because that’s his cousin. He tells de Beers to take his ASS back to South Africa. It’s bleeped.  

 

Captain Lou’s Corner 

He’s got John Tolos on following their clash last week. Albano yells at him and says he can’t beat up a wrestler, but he can beat Tolos up. He’ll be in Brian Blair’s corner in New York. Tolos tries to retort and Lou screams “ALRIGHT COACH, ALRIGHT COACH, ALRIGHT COACH” at him. Worst interviewer, ever. 

 

On this week’s “ask the wrestlers” someone asks Paul Orndorff how he maintains his condition. Please, please, say steroids. He actually answers the question. “I don’t do drugs; I don’t drink alcohol”. He even runs through his weight training and cardio routine. Oh shit, they managed to not fuck this one up!  

 

Paul Orndorff vs. Intern 

The masked Intern returns as Mr Wonderful’s jobber this week. I think it’s a different guy because he’s wearing a t-shirt and looks chubbier. It might be Spicolli. He takes an early bump that sucks, and I’m reminded it is probably just Johnny Rich. Piledriver finishes. 

 

Paul Orndorff cuts a strongly worded promo after the match saying he’s coming for Steve Williams. In New York City!  

 

Cactus Jack vs. Don Muraco 

I’ve seen this before, on a Foley on the Indies comp.  

Muraco is a big dude, so they have him stand up to Foley’s more physical attacks. Don works so gently. He must have been a night off. Foley, upset at his lack of pain, bails to smack himself in the face with a wooden chair. Muraco just watches him. Don takes it so easy here, it makes me laugh. A proper pro. Whenever Muraco takes over he just wants to do arm ringers and stuff. He takes the laziest looking bumps too. He clearly doesn’t give a fuck.  

 

Mick gets tired of this and throws himself over the top rope. Haha. Naturally this leads to a big brawl on the floor. Hawaiian Hammer on the floor! Mick blades heavily from it. Surely, that should be the finish. Mick isn’t done torturing himself and does the ‘head caught in ropes’ spot. He falls to the floor and the referee speed counts to ten. Great performance from Mick Foley here against a lazy Don Muraco. Of course, Muraco worked the biz his way. He retired relatively healthy and lives in Hawaii with his wife and three kids. He’s alive and well, unlike most his contemporaries.  

 

The 411: 

They’re clearly building to January’s big New York show. Trying to stack that card up to sell tickets. It’s the first time Herb appears to have a plan. He’s finally using the TV for some sort of purpose. They’re getting lucky with who’s getting over rather than everything going ‘according to plan’. Is Herb’s mind nimble enough to switch things up? Only cocaine will answer that. I mean, only time will tell.