WWC Aniversario ‘90 (7.7.90) review 

 

July 7, 1990 

 

We’re in Bayamon, Puerto Rico for this…thing. The cast of characters that Carlos Colon assembled here screams “I have watched the WWF on television in 1989 and thought it was good”. And also “I have watched the NWA in 1990 and thought their ideas were good”. It is potentially the car crash show of the year. The card includes Leo Burke (!) in a boxing match, ZEUS, the Rougeaus, Bertha Faye, midgets and someone dressed as Robocop. Strap yourself in for two hours of Caribbean delights*!!!! 

 

*Delights not included.  

 

Chicky Starr vs. Chris Youngblood 

Youngblood is about to go back to WCW in the Renegade Warriors. Chicky Starr is a Puerto Rico original, and trash rains down on the ring as he makes his entrance.  

Youngblood, the Tatanka lookin’ motherfucker, does a lot of the usual tomahawk chops/raindance bullshit. Chicky spends the entire match stalling. After five minutes of nothing we finally get going. Youngblood continues to be a cartoonish character, and they must have been starved of entertainment in Puerto Rico to get excited by anything that happens in this match. Youngblood wins with a sunset flip and the crowd goes wild. For reasons I don’t understand. *½  

 

Mascarita Sagrada & Agualita Solitario vs. Piratita Morgan & Espectrito 

Espectrito would be El Torito in the WWF and also played the part of Mini Vader. Sagrada is, as always, the smallest guy in the ring. There are a lot of fun flips and a bajillion armdrags. The pacing is excellent, compared to most wrestling in 1990. Sagrada does some incredible work with flips off the ropes, into armdrags (naturally). The heels win with a suplex on Sagrada, who blatantly had his foot on the ropes. Just a dreadful call from the referee. Incompetence. **¼  

 

Atkie Malumba vs. Scott Hall 

So, the gator gimmick didn’t work out in WCW. He failed in a WWF tryout and he’s been working in Germany as “Texas Scott”. How is this happening? It should be encouraging to any budding worker that Scott Hall got overlooked for 6-7 years before Razor Ramon. Malumba is a Kamala knockoff and usually works under the name Giant Kimala. He would spend the next decade working for All Japan, for reasons I don’t understand.   

Most of Malumba’s offence seems predicated on the idea that he’s trying to force Scott Hall to suck his dick. Hey, at least buy him a few beers first. Jesus. Hall has nothing to work with here. At least the odd bump looks ok from Malumba but generally he’s rotten. Hall goes for the Razor’s Edge but can’t get the fat man up for it, so the manager runs in to take it instead and that’s a DQ, brrrrrrrrrrrrrother. Hall looked like a HUGE star here. How did it take the WWF two years more to sign him? ½*  

 

Boxing Match 

Leo Burke vs. Invader #1 

FUCK YES. They don’t get the crowd back, so the stuntman has to shove people out of the way. All while being dressed as Robocop. It’s awesome. His theme music is just a scene from the movie so it’s all machine gun fire with the Robocop theme in the background. Why is Robocop out here? I HAVE NO IDEA. It’s a boxing match between a murderer and the guy who used to dress up as Batman and have matches in the 1960s.  

The match is for Leo’s Caribbean title. This is like a Wrestlecrap wet dream. Boxing, Invader #1, Robocop, trash raining down on the ring still.  

“Just stand still, amigo, and if you have to point your finger into the camera or something”. Oh god, please let something stupid happen. This is a decent simulation of what boxing is supposed to look like. They circle and jab a lot. Robocop looks like he’s thinking about his prime directives. #1 serve the public trust (by cornering a murderer). #2 protect the innocent (by cornering a murderer). #3 uphold the law. He should be shooting Invader #1 not cornering him. Invader #1 does a drop toehold (he’s the babyface btw) and this isn’t even noted by the referee. And the title for “world’s most gigantic cunt” goes to… 

 

Burke looks like he’s regretting taking the payday. Invader #1 gets socked pretty good but Robocop encourages him to get up. ALEX MURPHY IS TURNING OVER IN HIS GRAVE. Burke gets knocked out but is saved by the bell. How long is this? We get another round, and it randomly becomes a wrestling match with dropkicks and shit. Invader #1 connects with the worst gimmicked punch of all time and that does it. This was an embarrassment to pro-wrestling. Burke tried his best, but Invader #1 is just a stain on the business. DUD 

 

How do you possibly follow that? Well, how about this? 

 

Abdullah the Butcher vs. Zeus 

Just to show you I’m not making this shit up. Yes, they really hired Tony Lister to come to Puerto Rico and play Zeus again. Zeus runs through his entire repertoire. He chokes Abby. He poses for a bit. He hits some clubbing forearms. Ok, back to the choke. Bearhug. Ok, now he’s out of moves. If you want to see the worst punches ever, watch this match. He literally hits Abby on the top of his head with the inside of his forearm. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be. It’s just woeful. And he just keeps doing it. The funniest part isn’t even how shit all his stuff looks, it’s that he gets blown up after about a minute and they’re barely even doing spots. 

 

Zeus is so shattered, so exhausted, he just lies down on the mat. Just when I think it can’t get any funnier, they have him run the ropes. HAHAHA. What is he doing? IT GETS BETTER. They decide he should take a bump and moments later it’s abundantly clear why he didn’t take them in the Fed. He just sort of falls sideways and backwards a bit. Abby, bless his bloodthirsty little heart, tries a few things here, including taking a MONKEY FLIP off Zeus. Ah, that’s why he had to take a bump, so he’d be on the canvas for that.  

 

Zeus returns to his forearm punches. It’s a novel approach to punching. Boxing would be a lot healthier if they had to punch this way. Bearhug. Crowd are getting very restless. They brawl out to the floor, and we get the inevitable DCO. Good lord, this was a disaster. Far worse than anything Zeus was involved in during the WWF run in 1989. This was pure, pure, purist shit. -*** 

 

Caribbean Tag Team Championship 

Cuban Assassin & Ron Starr (c) vs. Caribbean Express  

Jesus “Huracan” Castillo & Miguel Perez Jr, the Caribbean Express, would both end up in Los Boriquas. Perez Jr famed for his incredibly hirsute torso. Robocop is back out here to corner the challengers. He’s clearly found a new love of Caribbean pro-wrestling and just can’t get enough. Both Caribbean Express guys are decent, but they’ve got fuck all to work with. Two old heels who can’t bump and don’t care. Ron Starr is particularly awful. He looks drunk. Both heels get small packaged, and the belts change hands. Nobody cares. * 

 

Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. Super Medicos 

ALL AMERICAN BOYS! They come out to their WWF music, which is cute. Super Medicos are Jose Estrada, who was Conquistador Dos, and Johnny Rodz?? The Rougeau’s are their usual selves, and the crowd sent love their way. No wait, that’s not love, it’s TRASH. They pelt the ring with trash at a rate that makes Bash at the Beach ‘96 look like a clean mat.  

They have to do an announcement to stop them from throwing stuff. After struggling with a few spots, like a head fake off the buckles, you can see why Raymond retired. This is his first match in six months, and he’d only work a few after this. The trash is still raining down on the ring. Raymond, genius heel, tries to get a “USA” chant going. More trash. Jacques is now trying not to laugh. The Rougeau’s miscue. More trash. Hot tag! More antics follow, including a blind switch and Jacques is pinned. The Rougeaus, despite losing, have to high tail it out of there as more crap comes flying in INCLUDING A CHAIR. It was a surprisingly great and mega heated match. How can you hate the Rougeaus this much??? *** 

 

Candi Devine vs. Monster Ripper 

Monster Ripper is not the popular energy drink, but rather Bertha Faye/Rhonda Singh with facepaint on. Devine is the former AWA starlet. She was a 5-time AWA women’s champion and is currently in the middle of reign #5. She has the belt but it’s not on the line. This is for the vacant WWC Caribbean Women’s Championship. It was Wendi Richter’s belt, but she’s (sort of) retired as champion.  

 

These two have poor chemistry with Ripper taking the lead and Devine taking a beating. She feels like a sympathetic babyface as the blonde pretty girl but maybe that doesn’t translate to Puerto Rico. Ripper hits a big legdrop and gets the pin. Devine never mounted a comeback here, so this is basically a long squash. ½*  

 

WWC Universal Championship 

Carlos Colon (c) vs. TNT 

TNT is Latin Sensation Savio Vega. Hey, he did know Scott Hall from the Caribbean! I always thought the WWF was lying to me.  

For some reason there’s SAND in the ring for this. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s so they don’t get blood on the canvas but it’s so weird. Savio bleeds like a stuck pig as Colon runs through an assortment of rest holds.  

THEY’RE COVERED IN SAND. WWC: Beach Blast ‘90. This match just drags. It just keeps going. It’s almost entirely rest holds and blood. I know Carlos Colon IS Puerto Rico wrestling but that doesn’t give him the right to have such boring matches. This is just tedious. Nothing happens. We go from TNT working a nerve hold to Carlos working a chinlock via a low blow. It’s slow, it’s boring, nothing is happening.  

Sitting around bleeding is the entire match. It’s like the aftermath of something interesting, instead of being the thing. Savio briefly wakes me up by hitting a superkick and slapping on the Cobra Clutch. Sadly, the Cobra Clutch just ends up being another rest hold. Savio also does a bang up of selling a bad wheel, which Colon targets late into the match. Amazingly, he misses with the same knee corner charge that Sting did the same night at Great American Bash 90. Great minds think alike. Unlike Sting, TNT doesn’t then score a huge roll up win. Instead, Colon continues to work the leg, hooks the Figure Four and the time limit expires.  

 

Boy, did this ever suck. This was a SIXTY MINUTE draw. Fortunately clipped down to about 30:00 on tape. There’s maybe five minutes of material here. Some bleeding, lots of rest holds. It gets real good in the last 30-40 seconds. I’ll be generous and go DUD.  

 

The 411: 

This is a bizarre viewing experience. What madman would book this card? It does feel like they got something for everyone, with one notable exception. If you like good wrestling this show isn’t for you. Check it out, it’s on YouTube. Be warned though, it’s really bad and don’t, for the love of God, watch the main event.  

 

This might actually edge out AWA Superclash IV for worst show of the year because although Tully Blanchard worked a 15 minute match with nothing happening in it, at least it wasn’t 60 minutes long and the ring wasn’t covered in sand.