WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event #19 (12.7.89) review 

 

December 7, 1989 

 

We’re in Tampa, Florida at the Sundome. 9,176 on hand, which shows how the WWF are no longer able to pack in a massive number for a random TV show. 9,000+ is still better than most of their rivals, for now. Built in 1977, the Sundome famously hosted WWE during the pandemic. It was the Thunderdome. It would also go on to host the 1995 Royal Rumble. Hosts are the rapist V*nce McM*h*n and Jesse Ventura.   

 

It does make me somewhat nauseous to have to watch Vince talking here. Words tumbling out of his cunt mouth, like vomit from a pig. What a fucking loser.  

 

Hair vs Hair 

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ron Bass 

So, this was a hot feud in the summer of 1988 where Bass cost Beefcake his IC title match at Summerslam. It is, at best, lukewarm now. Beefcake steals Betsy and starts cracking the whip and the WWF, the fucking clowns, the jokers, decide to dub in a “WUP-AH” whip sound over the top but they miss one of them. It’s so ridiculous, and I’m laughing so much, I have to pause to recover myself.  

 

Hold it, hold it, this is so stupid I’m getting a beer. I’m not doing this shit sober.  

 

HE CRACKED IT AGAIN! WUP-AH! Who thought that would work? I’m guessing Kevin Dunn, the buck-toothed dickless McMahon croney. They pump in a bunch of fake crowd noise too and we cut to the audience, who look bored out of their minds. Ron Bass’ WWF career is basically over by this point and his last major appearance would be the Royal Rumble. Beefcake catches him with a sleeper, Bass passes out and the Barber lives up to his name by giving him a trim. The match sucked. WWF pump in more stupid sound effects for the clippers.  

 

Slick, who calls Gene Okerlund “homeboy”, is on hand to talk about Akeem vs. Hogan and the presence of the Big Bossman. Slick calls Hulk Hogan a “habitual rule breaker”. I mean, he’s not wrong. So, Bossman is here to enforce the rules. Elsewhere, Randy Savage grabs Gene Okerlund for a watch-along party. I hope they make disparaging comments about the participants. Akeem is a pretty soft target.  

 

Akeem vs. Hulk Hogan 

Hogan repeatedly breaks the rules in the early going, just proving Slick right. He then bails to attack Bossman and Slick for no reason. The era of Hogan being bearable is over. He is a butthead from here on out. Akeem, one of the finest examples of switching a guy’s gimmick and completely ruining him, has forgotten how to wrestle. He just works something that could vaguely be described as an armbar.  

 

I legitimately got so annoyed with how bad this show was that I stopped here, grabbed another beer, and watched Super Troopers instead. 

 

Once again the canned heat is runnin’ wild as Hogan continues to break the rules. Bossman jumps in with the nightstick and the heels get a measure of revenge after Earl Hebner ragdolls a ref bump. Sensational bump from Earl. We cut to Savage and he’s all “eh, I’m sure he’ll be fine” as Hogan gets beaten up by both guys. Liz, clearly not realising how Hogan is booked, runs to the back to get Randy.  

Savage is tremendously laid back about all this. “You know how women are” he explains to Okerlund as Liz runs to get him all hysterical. Then Hogan hulks up and proves him right. Hogan making his own save and beats up three guys? What are the chances? Hogan has it won but Bossman waffles him with the nightstick for the DQ. The match was horrible but the character work from Savage and Liz was golden. That’s your story.

Bossman sticks a handcuff, just the one, on Liz and Savage finally shows up with a chair to put a stop to that business. This is really the start of the Savage-Liz-Hogan storyline. Before this they’d played it subtle, and kept Savage’s behaviour as little glances.  

 

WWF Intercontinental Championship 

Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Honky Tonk Man 

Jimmy Hart makes a bizarre claim that Honky is about to be the first man, in history, to reclaim the IC title.  

 

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Revisionist history is something the WWF has been doing since junior took over but let’s look at this one. Pedro Morales was the first two-time IC champ, reclaiming his belt from Don Muraco. Muraco was the second two-time champion, beating Morales. Tito Santana was the third two-time champion, losing to Greg Valentine and then winning it back in 1985. We’re only at champion 13 in the history of the belt and it’s already happened THREE TIMES. What the fuck are you smoking Jimmy?  

 

Warrior in response yells incoherently into the camera. Million dollar body, ten cent brain. Honky puts together a decent match here, incorporating his various bits that he did to retain his title. In particular; running away (he’s body slammed back in) and using Jimmy Hart (double noggin knocker). Warrior’s timing in this match is dogshit. Every move looks fake. Warrior is one of the worst wrestlers to ever appear in the WWF, let alone win the belt. Honky clearly doesn’t give a shit. He cares enough to put together a five-minute match, where they don’t embarrass themselves, and that’s about it. Warrior wins with a flying shoulder tackle.  

 

We’re 0/3 on match quality tonight but despite this, it feels like a big show. Does that make sense?  

 

Video Control takes us to Bobby Heenan who disparages the useless Terry Taylor to his face. Taylor has one thing going for him…Bobby Heenan. Well, shit, it’s true but you don’t have to say it.  

 

Tito Santana vs. Terry Taylor 

Heenan has a microphone on him so we can hear his advice. He gets his own advice from a punter in the front row, who suggests Bobby should fire Taylor. “Stay on him, stay on him, don’t look at me”. Heenan works overtime here. He’s so good. He’s on at the ref, he’s on at Taylor, he’s yelling about cheating all the time. Beautiful. In the ring, things are less thrilling. Taylor is a very basic, average, guy. He doesn’t garner sympathy. He’s not exciting. He doesn’t have much of a body so he has to rely on his gimmick, which is bland. I’m amazed the WWF went with him here. There’s just nothing there. Santana does a good job of pushing the pace but Taylor doesn’t help him. Heenan throws Taylor back inside, which catches him out, and Santana rolls Rooster up for three. **½  

 

Post Match: Heenan riles Taylor up and Terry slugs his former manager. He can’t even beat up Heenan in entertaining fashion, which is a death sentence in this company. After wrestling Heenan at Wrestlemania V, Taylor would spend an entire year jerking the curtain against Brooklyn Brawler before heading back to WCW.  

 

Mr Perfect vs. Koko B. Ware 

Curt Hennig debuted here under his normal name but switched to Mr Perfect afterwards. They’re pushing the whole gimmick more now and he promises to debut the Perfectplex here tonight. This is an energetic finish to the evening, although it serves no purpose but to debut the Perfectplex. Hennig gives Koko a load of hope spots before the Perfectplex finishes.  

 

Video Control takes us to the Megapowers. 

Hogan points out that if you come after one of the Megapowers, you’re going to get both, which is funny because the Twin Towers came after him and got his ass until they made the mistake of involving Elizabeth. I can’t believe Hogan would even consider trusting this nutbar. Look at him! Has he not had enough dudes turn on him so far? Has he forgotten Paul Orndorff already? Well, the WWF have forgot him so here we go.  

 

Anyway, the storyline’s next beat is Megapowers vs. Twin Towers but that’s not until next month and we have the Royal Rumble before that. 

 

The 411: 

I started out hating this show but the storyline development during it is really well done. It feels like a big step up over the 1988 SNME’s when they just had nothing exciting happening at all. 1988 was such a drab year all around for the WWF. Here things are happening. Every segment had something in it. Beefcake and Warrior put their respective feuds to bed, Hogan and Bossman warped into Megapowers and Twin Towers, Terry Taylor left Bobby Heenan and Mr Perfect debuted his new finisher. No real filler on this show but also, no good matches. Santana-Taylor was fine but not ideally suited to SNME and helped along by Heenan’s commentary from ringside.