Adventures in Football #120: Dales Lane (Rushall Olympic)  

 

MARCH 15, 2025 

 

RUSHALL OLYMPIC vs. SOUTHPORT (NATIONAL LEAGUE NORTH) 

 

I had a Saturday off work, and you know what that means! Unfortunately, Maria did not have a Saturday off work so today I’m on the road with Tannoy Tom! We texted back and forth about potential games before settling on Dales Lane. For those unfamiliar with the location of Rushall, it’s between Walsall and Lichfield. Closer to Walsall.  

 

Having settled on a game, I headed up into Birmingham and Tom, who has a new car, picked me up at Wylde Green station. We had time for a pre-match pint at the Boathouse and noted a few visiting Southport fans, although it’s tough to tell the teams colours apart as they both play in orange.  

Dales Lane has two local boozers; the Boathouse and the Manor Arms. A third, closer, pub has been converted into an Indian restaurant but presumably still has a bar. That’s the Royal Oak. We parked down by the Boathouse but if you want to be right in the car park to the club it’ll cost you £3.  

My expectations for a National League N/S ground is usually around that of Sutton. If it’s that good, or better, it’s right for the level. If it’s Bromsgrove standard, then it probably shouldn’t be in the league. I have no idea what to make of Rushall. They have one tiny entrance. They also have two turnstiles but one is cash only, which no one uses. If you’re charging more than a tenner, you have to expect people to pay card in this day and age. I dropped £14.50 on a ticket and a further £3.50 on a program. Thinking it would help me to identify the players better. Only to immediately spot the line ups posted on the wall of the hospitality building. 

£3.50 well spent (I still haven’t opened it). On entering Dales Lane, I was somewhat taken aback at how underdeveloped it is. There are two very new looking stands, which make up 100% of the seating areas. The rest of the ground looks like it belongs to a lower division side. Apart from the swanky looking hospitality boxes. I personally hate hospitality boxes and the hashed area outside, telling us we can’t stand there, is another reminder of the peasants losing the battle for the beautiful game.  

A glance in the other direction reveals the Pics (OlymPIC, get it?) Pantry, a popular outdoor eating area and the bar. There’s also a club shop, which is tiny, just along the side there. Tom went in and I felt the room was at capacity and stayed outside. There are also toilets dotted around the place but they’re all tiny too. Some portaloos have been brought in on the other side. It’s not a bad set up and the area with the facilities in looked great.  

I went to take a picture of the side of the pitch and captured the referee crew doing their warm ups. Mr Gupta, who’ll be running the line, asked if I’d got a good shot. I did! There’s a stand, of sorts, down this touchline. A shed that allows two tier standing. It’s the only real feature down that side of the pitch.  

Sad news about the pitch. It’s astroturf. The goals are on wheels too. Although, I did quite like that, on the hospitality side, there was a slope up to the pitch and, on the other side, there was a slope down to the pitch. I’m hoping there were legendary days of the past where the entire pitch was just on the cock, and balls rolled off the pitch without being touched.  

We proceed down the touchline and explore the shed. It’s pretty nice, actually. I would definitely stand here. We did second half. The bulk of the ultras (home and away) were in here first half. Which resulted in them chanting at each other from a few feet away. It didn’t get lively until the second half when they both moved behind the goal at the far end.  

Rushall villans (sp). It’s odd to see non-league clubs just flat-out supporting league clubs. There’s clearly a link here and if you think this is extreme, wait for the next picture!  

This is up past the shed on the touchline, and we lingered around in front of here. The spot just felt right. I get the feeling this area is open for food business for big games. It would make sense. If they’ve not separated fans for a league game at this level, they’re not going to at all. When I talk to people who aren’t from the Midlands about the sheer strength of support locally for Aston Villa, this is what I’m talking about. They are the Midlands most popular team by a country mile. All over the centre of the country. 

See what I mean about the slope? It did create a pleasing situation when an errant shot hit the slope and flew up into the air. Sometimes hitting two slopes before rebounding back into play. The stand here is clearly new and is in great shape. It’s a pity there aren’t enough supporters in it. Generally, attendance was poor. I can only assume it’s a combination of a bad season (Rushall are second bottom) and a lack of local interest. It’s a shame because Bromsgrove pulls in a lot more punters than this and Sporting are shite. 

A glance back the other way reveals the equally pleasing straight rail. Ideal for leaning on. Also, the portaloos I mentioned earlier. Also, Tom, on his phone. Probably oblivious that I took this.  

The teams hit the field of play, and I have a lovely time just leaning on the rail, chatting shit with Tom. Sometimes, it’s just nice to get outside and have a laugh with your mates. That’s what football is for. It’s good for your mental health. The Pics attack the goal to our left in the first half and make a decent stab of it. They have some joy down the left with full back Brad Bood and winger Seb Thompson.  

Rushall can’t seem to find the final ball though. They’re particularly frustrating, and wasteful, from set pieces. Most high balls into the box are either dealt with by the keeper or cleared by towering centre back Aaron Pickles. Wait, Pickles? Pickles is a fucking dog’s name mate. Fetch, Pickles! Dinner time, Pickles! Walkies, Pickles! Head the ball clear, Pickles!  

Being over the touchline allows us to get close to the action and I snap this shot down of Bood about to take a throw. The name Bood lends itself to the “BOOOO…..D” gimmick. Are they saying boo? No sir, Booood. On 40’ Southport catch the Pics on the counter and Luke Carroll-Burgess fires home. 0-1. A disappointment considering Rushall’s efforts. The double-barrelled surname reminds me of that time I was at Millwall, and a fan got really angry at double-barrelled surnames in general. “FACKIN’ TWO NAMES?”  

Here’s one for Rushall’s club website. A marvellous photo of Omari Sterling-James (FACKIN’ TWO NAMES) about to take a corner. Unfortunately, the corner missed everyone and went out for a goal kick. Resulting in Sterling-James screaming “that’s fucking shit” to the heavens. Someone behind the goal agrees with him.  

 

HT: 0-1. Rushall haven’t really managed to threaten the goal but arguably have had the better of the play, which must be frustrating, and you can see why they’re nestled second bottom.  

We move back into the shed area to watch the second half, and I was delighted to see this tasteful sticker from one of the Southport lads. They’ve got a better shot at a pork pie and a pint at the local than a blowjob though. I find it hard to believe they’d hang around in Rushall after the game, and Birmingham city centre feels far more inviting. Anyway, I’m probably thinking way too much about the sticker, let’s get on with the game. 

Here’s my view for the next 45 minutes. Glorious sunshine in sunny Walsall this afternoon. Lots of old fellas who like to grumble at the football. Bliss. The two sets of ultras head off to the left in the second half and start chanting at each other. Southport, to the local’s disdain, have a drum. “You bang your drum, you shag your mum” they chant at the poor percussionist. Didn’t you read the sticker, they’ve come to shag your birds, not their own mum!  

Rushall start the second half like they mean business and quickly create the best two chances of the game. Neither of which goes in. A quick break, again, sees Southport nearly double their advantage and it’s almost an OG. Good save, keeper. Rushall are even dangerous from set pieces and a volley from a corner goes straight at the keeper. Anywhere else and it’s in. He’s hit it too cleanly.  

 

The standard of play deteriorates as the subs come on, although a talented forward called Kobe Hall causes a few problems and makes me laugh by pushing the keeper for no reason. The locals start to get very grumpy with what they’re seeing. “Fucking rubbish” yells one as a ball drifts into touch. Southport hit an aimless long ball and somehow Rushall manage to let it go clean through.  

 

It’s a good finish from Luke Carroll-Burgess (FACKIN’ TWO NAMES) as he curls a left footed effort past the advancing keeper but it shouldn’t have got to him. Good finish, bad defending. The 20 Southport fans will go home happy, possibly after shagging some local birds. Who knows? 0-2. Game over.  

 

FINAL SCORE: RUSHALL 0 SOUTHPORT 2 

 

I had a lovely time at Rushall. It was a bit depressing watching a team struggle. Rushall are clearly doomed to relegation, but the gallows humour was there, and the ultras never stopped chanting in the second half. I respect it.  

 

ATMOSPHERE: 

When I saw how many people were here, I thought it would be shit. I was pleasantly surprised that it was not. Good effort from the boys in the end and generally the crowd seemed lively, considering the club’s current predicament. ***½ 

 

COST:  

£14.50 at this level seems about right. No complaints. I’m sure some of the locals would tell you different. *** 

 

QUALITY: 

Well, this is subjective, but the game wasn’t great. Rushall were lacking a bit of quality at the sharp end and both teams had issues all over the field with quality of pass. **½ 

 

EASE OF ACCESS: 

Not ideal to have a ground this far away from public transportation links. There is a bus from Walsall, which takes roughly 20 minutes. If you are bus-averse (like me) it’s almost an hour to walk from Walsall train station. A walk that’s almost exclusively down busy main roads. ** 

 

MISC: 

Immediate penalty for having astro and goals on wheels. That’s mickey mouse level stuff, lads. Two divisions below the football league, you should not have astroturf and goals on wheels. I hated the hospitality suite’s location. It should be above a stand or something. Having it take up a quarter of touchline space is criminal. The ground was a mix of pokey old fashioned standing space and two brand new stands. I didn’t hate it. ** 

 

OVERALL: 13 

A passable score for a passable club. I was most impressed by the passion of the local youngsters, although arguably they’re just out here recycling YouTube clips. They seemed passionate though, and I like that. No drums either. The ground is an interesting patchwork of old and new. It feels like they’re probably moving in the right direction with the off-field improvements and the ground was very clean. For the level it does feel small though and generally the lack of people was alarming. Let’s move on with some average attendances to showcase this: 

 

Scunthorpe 3797 

Hereford 2620 

Kidderminster 2364 

Chester 2224 

Southport 1011 

Rushall Olympic 444 

 

These are all in the same division. There are a lot of small clubs at this level though. Farsley Celtic and Peterborough Sports are even smaller. Farsley’s average attendance this season is 187. NATIONAL LEAGUE NORTH. 187. I don’t think Rushall had 444 for this game either.  

 

My point is that Rushall maybe don’t belong at this level. Especially when teams like Kettering, Telford and Halesowen, which are better clubs with better stadiums and more fans are languishing in lower divisions at the moment. The Sutton United comparison is that this isn’t as good as Sutton. Which means relegation might be the right thing for the club. Get them in a league where they fit. Maybe get some joy around the place with a few wins.